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The Daily Weird #6 (Dog poop is a dangerous weapon)

Updated on January 15, 2016

Got Poop Flinging Skills? This shirt's for you...

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Dangerous Poop

This Daily Weird comes to you from a little over a month ago. I felt there were enough “weird” factors to warrant posting it as Daily Weird #6.

In early October of this year, an unidentified Boston woman was walking her nameless dog. Her dog had just left her an anonymous present, which she had secretly picked up and placed in a bag for later re-gifting.

Suddenly, a mysterious motorist sped down the street in her small suburb of Belmont, small in that there were only 25,000 residents. Belmont is definitely a quite little place, and certainly a place where no one should have to put up with speeding motorists.

Not only was said mysterious motorist speeding, but also he was so inconsiderate as to almost run an unidentified bicyclist off the quiet little road. The horror.

Thinking quickly, as any unspecified concerned citizen would, and should, the woman grabbed her doggie bag and hoisted it toward the speeding motorist. Being someone of quick reflex and major Judo skills, she managed to get this bag of poo through the window of his speeding car. It was a direct hit.

Now, poor little anonymous woman is not being lauded for her super-human efforts, but rather charged with vandalism, disorderly conduct, and (I swear I’m not lying) assault with a deadly weapon. Apparently nameless dog left some pretty lethal presents for his owner.

I hope they have locked up the dangerous pooch. It would be unsafe to let a dog, with the power to make such weapons at will, wander about freely. Some unknown guy could pick up one of his piles of weaponry, and rob a bank, “Hands up, I’ve got poo.” or terrorize a government “You will all bow down and worship me, or I’ll launch the poo.” The scenarios are endless.

I have not been able to find any updated reports on the poo flinger, the dog and the motorist. I’m sure justice has been properly served upon the fast-armed mysterious woman, and the super-sonic unspecified speeder; but I have to wonder if I will ever sleep well again knowing that somewhere, out in Boston, there is a nameless dog, armed and dangerous, spreading his crap.

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    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      8 years ago from Indiana

      Sunflower- you're my hero. I found the site: http://www.poopsenders.com/

      Unbelievable!

    • sunflowerbucky profile image

      sunflowerbucky 

      8 years ago from Small Town, USA

      I can think of a few people I'd like to fling poo at. Did you know there is a website that will send a bag of poo to your enemies for you? I'm not sure how much it costs, but I imagine it's worth it!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      8 years ago from Indiana

      That's deep stuff, Chris. Deep stuff.

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 

      8 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      How about being poor Kate Middleton, having to wear your dead mother-in-law to be's engagement ring? Can you image how much poo she'd be in if she lost it...

      C

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      8 years ago from Indiana

      Chris, I'm sure she would!

      I'm actually having a rough time finding a daily weird today that DOESN'T involve poo- or boogers. I had a good one about boogers, but decided to flick it into the trash - oh, wait, I must mean I had a good booger.

      Thank you for clearing up the dangers of poo. I had no idea just how serious all this crap was. It does make sense though. I'm understanding the world better and better the more I delve into shit.

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 

      8 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      Sue,

      I like your strategy. Write about poo on days ending in "y". I'm pretty sure DawnM would have something to say about that!

      On a more serious note, I believe poo was upgraded to "weapon of mass destruction" which, when provided by camels of a Muslim persuasion, required western military might to eradicate.

      Serious shit, this poo thing...

      Chris

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      8 years ago from Indiana

      Thank you eovery!

    • eovery profile image

      eovery 

      8 years ago from MIddle of the Boondocks of Iowa

      Hey, I am going to enjoy reading these.

      Keep on hubbing!

    • sueroy333 profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Mills 

      8 years ago from Indiana

      Tenderheart-I'm with you on the deadly weapon thing. What's next on the "deadly weapon" list, an ice cream sundae? (Which would at least smell better when plastered all over one's face)

    • tnderhrt23 profile image

      tnderhrt23 

      8 years ago

      OMG! This is pretty "weird" alright...I wanna know exactly what is encompassed by the term "deadly weapon" under the law...a plastic bag of dog poo??? REALLY? Yours is an entertaining hub I look forward to each time I come here. Thanks!

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