The Madness of Mariah Carey
This, dear friends, is a hub entirely devoted to Mariah Carey, her crazyness, and her breasts. Some people might want to focus purely on the crazy eccentricities of this busty pop star, but not me. I wouldn't go on for ages and ages about some crazy lady and not include pictures of her cleavage. To do so would be to alienate a large portion of you who really only care about what lies between her shoulders and navel. See, through many years of research, I have come to understand both the male and female mind, and I have developed a formula to keep them both happy. My findings go something like this:
For Men (and women who like women of course):
Breasts = Good
Crazy = Bad
Crazy + Breasts = Hot
Don't ask me how that works, all I know is that it does.
For Women (who don't like other women, and possibly some men who like men):
Woman = Not much.
Woman + Big Breasts = Hate
Woman + Big Breasts + Bitchy Comments = Great!
So, if the men and women who are that way inclined would like to direct their gazes to the right and look upon her Mariah Carey's busty awesomeness, the rest of us will be over here taking her inventory and finding her lacking.
Sure Mariah has nice breasts, but did you know:
Mariah likes to get in a hot tub, and then jump out and roll naked in the snow at Aspen. That hussy!
Mariah sleeps in a terry cloth bed, and has 20 humidifiers in her room at night. That crazy hussy!
Mariah was once asked to travel economy class in order to save costs on on a movie she was shooting, so she bought out the entire of economy class and flew in it all alone. That overly literal, crazy hussy!
Mariah charged fans $300 to enter the VIP area at her perfume launch, but would not allow them to hug her during picture time. That snobby, over literal, crazy hussy!
Eminem claims he dated Mariah Carey for several months. Mariah denies it. That white rapper dating, snobby, over critical, crazy hussy!
Became embroiled in a bitter legal struggle with porn star Mary Carey. That porn star hating, white rapper dating, snoby, over critical, crazy hussy!
See, now we can all feel better about the fact that well over 50% of the world would probably swap an apendage for just one night of bliss with Mariah Carey. Because she's crazy, and we're not. We're nice, respectable people who dress demurely. We're great. I'm okay, you're okay, but Mariah Carey, well she's clearly not okay.