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The Man vs. Machine War Has Begun

Updated on January 25, 2015
Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannie has been writing for HubPages for over 5 years. She covers a wide variety of topics—anything from hamsters to office work.

This is how it starts...

So, we've probably all been wondering how it is going to end. By "it," I mean the world. There has been a lot of apocalypse talk. Natural disasters have been on the rise. There's been much talk about the zombie apocalypse. Basically, we've been wondering lately how it is all going to go down. Well, I am here to set the record straight: the machines are taking over.

It has been subtle in some ways. The printer at work never works correctly. The computer shuts down unexpectedly. The car decides it is simply not going to run anymore, unless you take it the shop; it acts like nothing is wrong there. Now, the machines are becoming more obvious.

Today, my co-worker's cell phone refused to work until he literally threw it on the floor. When he picked it up, the letter "y" was repeated across the screen. Sort of like the cell phone's way of crying, "Whyyyyyy!?!?" Oh, we had a good laugh at the cell phone's expense. It was all in good fun.

Next, I came home to my apartment to find the air conditioner not running correctly. It was loudly running and unbearable to listen to for any length of time. Since I was frustrated with it, I went over to attempt to repair it. Well, OK, I kicked it a lot. Hey, I tried my best! When that did not work, I turned it off and walked back to my computer.

What did I see on my computer when I returned? The mouse had somehow clicked on the start button and opened a folder - on its own! Gasp! I believe this indicates the air conditioner and the computer are plotting together. The computer is searching my files. It is learning more about me. When I go to work, it shares its knowledge with the air conditioner.

My friends, it is happening! The Man vs. Machine War has begun! Are you prepared?

Start unplugging stuff if you start to suspect anything.

Have you been noticing the TV changing channels on its own? Is the dishwasher spraying water at you when you walk by? Did the hair dryer blow hotter air than normal? No, it is not a ghost! The spirits are not trying to tell you anything!

Start unplugging these objects now. I know you want to finish watching the new episode of "My Cat from Hell," but now is not the time. Forget about cleaning those dishes and embrace the wet hair look. We are fighting a war here and we need to win!

Are the voices inside your head really in your head?

Have you started hearing voices? Does it seem like every time you go to dial the phone, there is already a voice talking to you? If that voice is telling you to do things, like buy a new electric knife or a power saw, HANG UP NOW! Now, they've gotten to the phone lines. It is all part of their evil plan.

Hearing voices from people that are not there was once a sign of insanity. However, this is now further evidence of the Man vs. Machine War. So run, run away from the phone.

The Matrix

It's just like The Matrix, but without Keanu Reeves.

So you may ask, what is next? What if the machines do manage to overpower us? It is going to be just like The Matrix? A war between us and them will ensue. I certainly hope we are victorious. However, something tells me most of us would rather die than give up our computers, cell phones, and televisions. I suppose the machines would win in the end... or perhaps they've already won.

Forget about the Apocalypse, Surely You Have Time for a Poll

Are you prepared for the Man vs. Machine War?

See results


Submit a Comment

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I am glad I brightened your day. Of course, when the Man vs. Machine war really goes down, won't I look foolish for creating this humorous hub? Thanks for the comment!

  • RedElf profile image

    RedElf 6 years ago from Canada

    Too funny! A number of sci-fi authors have tackled this subject, but none, that I recall, with your humor. Thanks for brightening my day!

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    Thank you for reading and thanks for the compliment. Sometimes I think I am ready for something crazy to happen just to make life a little exciting, too.

  • alzel127 profile image

    Alex Zelahy 6 years ago from Indiana

    Bring it on today's has been boring. Thanks for a good read.

  • Jeannieinabottle profile image

    Jeannie InABottle 6 years ago from Baltimore, MD

    I hope you are right. I have determined that my computer is officially out to get me. I actually figured that out years ago. I think it has something to do with all the online searches looking to buy other computers. It knows I would replace it if I could. Thanks for the comment and good luck against the machines.

  • nycgrl profile image

    nycgrl 6 years ago from New York

    I really thought after all these years my machines and I had a special relationship and I'd like to believe that maybe they'll spare me and defend me to their other machine friends. Maybe not so much my cell phone because we have had some rough patches but my computer knows I have been loyal and my TV & Xbox well they know that if I could legally marry them, I would.