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The Relic (LOL)

Updated on January 11, 2012
The Relic Poster
The Relic Poster

Just finished watching The Relic (1997) with my friend May, and we could not stop laughing at this Sci-Fi / Horror. There are just some awesome key moments of the film that I just need to mention here and now…

1. “Hypothalamus” is the magic word. If you didn’t know that word before you’ll definitely learn it in this movie. One of the main characters, Lt. D’Agosta (Sizemore) I’m pretty sure just learned the word himself, because he just abuses the sh!t out of it (yay, drinking game).

2. Rich people are STUPID. Now I don’t mean day-to-day, because how often does a brain-sucking, hybrid creature end up in a museum? These rich people simply do not have survival skills! They not only fail miserably at vacating the building, but they embarrass themselves with over-the-top action sequences. A man literally flew across the room pushing a lone wooden chair to stop a STEEL security door from closing… no, it didn’t work, because that’s stupid as balls.

3. “This human is gonna get me killed!” is what every dog in a Sci-Fi/Horror film is thinking. There is literally a scene where the animal keeps its mouth shut when it witnesses the gruesome mauling of a random human and it LIVES. Some other dogs weren’t as lucky, because some humans lead them to their deaths. Damn humans.

This isn’t really a good movie. It’s actually pretty damn bad. The plot is muddled down with way too many big words (like hypothalamus) in all the explanation. But who the hell cares about the story? All we need to know is that Black people die (duh), the only Asian is an a-hole, the old lady is awesome and SCIENCE cannot make this movie make sense.


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