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The Tao of Red
Color me crazy, but have you ever wondered, really thought to question, the ethics of the color RED?I started thinking about this (mistake #1) because it seems to me that RED has been getting a bad rap lately, and I just don't think that's very fair.
Examples you say? Well, if you own a RED car, you pay more in insurance. Blood is blue until it is spilled where it oxidizes and turns RED. When you turn RED you're either sunburned or embarrassed. When you get furious you see RED. Adam and his woman (please note the sexist way I present this) ate the RED apple. Edgar Allen Poe's Masque of the RED Death. Satan is graphically represented in the color RED. The RED M&M's will kill you. RED light causes skin cancer, as well as eye damage. Most of the belladonna families of plants which are poisonous (excepting tomatoes) all bear RED fruit. We sit and wait hours at RED lights (interject Phish lyrics, "Slave to the Traffic Light"). Most body parts that turn RED have something wrong with them (probably the medication the doctor gave you for your "little problem" didn't work and you need more antibiotics, not that I'm speaking from any kind of personal experience you understand). When you're financially losing money, you're considered "in the RED". Coke is RED, which really has nothing to do with the subject unless you assume that Coke is bad and Pepsi is better, but that's not a position the author is willing to take at this time and so isn't really worth mentioning in this discourse. Cop lights are RED (but so are ambulance and fire trucks, which are good things that only appear when something bad happens, a paradox?). My old roommates RED Doc Martins (another pair-a-docs?). Pink eye is RED. Fire ants are RED (I've never had any experience with those either but if I don't clean my kitchen soon I might). The RED light on the phone means someone wants something (this is only for those of you unfortunate enough to live in a high tech world of multi line phones). RED engine lights are always bad news. Scarlet O’Hara (ok, it's a stretch). Carrot Top, or whatever the hell his name really is, probably Timothy Mcquiggly, or something else obnoxiously Irish. Ireland in general, full of Irish with RED hair, although it's GREEN for Saint Patty’s day. Maybe St. Patrick wasn't really Irish, and it's all a plot on the part of the Royal British Government to subdue Ireland by keeping them all permanently pickled. I.R.A., U.L.A. and various other Irish terrorist groups are full of RED heads. Commies are known as RED's. The RED Sox, the RED Skins. RED heads are generally feisty and aggressive (honestly thought police, I’m open minded, I don't stereotype). The RED aliens in their RED spaceship, who once came down and gave me RED stuff to RED and RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED RED....
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Where was I? Oh, yeah, the RED Ajah (Robert Jordan fans). Anyway, I think I've given enough examples to prove my point, and that RED is a serious bad news color. Why the cruelty? What did RED ever really do to us? Is there a reason? Is this maybe a clue to help us unravel some of the stranger mysteries of the universe? Or is this just the depraved ramblings of a mad, mad man? Does this hold true for other colors? Is BLUE a good color? GREEN? Or do we live in such a cruel, harsh universe that no color is good, and in fact sight itself is evil and deceptive and we should all voluntarily blindfold ourselves? The world may never know...