The Ten Most Rock And Roll Foods And The Musicians Who Ate Them
You might love music. You might have your best friend put a horn up to your ear and blow it every day. But what you might not realize is that behind those sounds is a veritable supermarket of pleasure. Yes, food has been connected to the pop music scene ever since food's inception, IN THE YEAR 2010, WHEN THE MOVIE INCEPTION WAS RELEASED! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!! Though every rock star owns some amount of food, a select group of victuals, and the musical sensations who consumed them, have stood out over the years as iconic. Here, without further ado, are they: The Ten Most Rock And Roll Foods of all time, originally compiled by Potato Magazine.
Raw Hungry Jack Pancake Batter Mix - Chubby Checker
What Chubby Checker liked to do when he performed in nightclubs was have a fistful of pancake batter mix with him, then at the end of his set he'd yell "WE PLAYING CHECKERS NOT CHESS, BIA BIAAAAAAA!" then throw down the the pancake batter creating a concealing cloud of ninja smoke. Music critics would agree for years thereafter without much elaboration as to what the larger thing being accomplished they were referring to was, that this was "how it was done". Checker's love for the mix would eventually lead him to lend his visage to a series of roadside billboard advertisements, featuring his face and the words "If I'm Wrong I'll Eat My Hat, But I'll Do Anything For Hungry Jack, AND I'M BEHIND THE BILLBOARD FLIPPING FLAPJACKS RIGHT NOW, PULL OVER AND CLIMB UP AND LOOK AND SEE!!!!(there were more exclamation points in real life but I edited the quote to save space) and in his picture on the billboard his eyes were bugging out and pointing in opposite directions. Checker was infamous in Hollywood for trying to make pancakes out of the pyramids of blow he would find on people's desks, because he loved pancakes but didn't know what cocaine was, and no matter how many times you'd tell him he'd keep forgetting.
Plantains - Steven Tyler of Aerosmith
The first time Steven Tyler ever saw a plantain he said "Do you see this? This is the mega banana. This is the ultra banana. This is me. I'm the big banana." He didn't know what a plantain was, and he thought there was something deep going on with the level of his fame corresponding to the size of a banana so he described it in hazy rock star vernacular and ran with it. No one ever corrected him either, and he went on like that for years adopting plantains as his personal trademark and symbol of excellence. Often in situations where others would be eating bananas, Tyler was known to produce a plantain, holding it alongside the banana to demonstrate it's greater length and cocking his eyebrow say "Ha! Not enough." Then while driving away he'd roll down his car window and passively yell, trying to appear to not be addressing the person he was speaking to, "What's the matter, jealous? Banana jealousy!" and he'd throw a plantain out on the street. He never told anyone why he did this but police broke into his house and read his diary and it said he thought of it as his personal calling card.
Shetland Ponies - Q Lazzarus
This anecdote is pretty much as self explanatory as you might think, and there isn't really much to say about it except than when Q Lazzarus described eating shetland ponies in song she changed the term to "Horses" to make it work better with the music, and that as to the practice overall she's pretty scary about it. Most people think Q Lazzarus is gross because she eats horses in an ostentatious way. She likes to do this Hannibal Lecter thing where she invites people over and she has a pony on the table with the flesh exposed and she serves red wine and crap like that while "Goodbye Horses" plays on her stereo, most people just find it garish. Sometimes she stands at the end of pastures on the other side of the fence, glaring at Shetland Ponies as if to threaten them, then solemnly waves goodbye, then drags her finger across her neck.
Fried Chicken - Elvis Presley
Everyone knows that Elvis when he was going off the deep end went through learning Tai Chi and doing moves on people backstage and jump kicking his backup dancers and touring band, but what most people don't know is that he liked to take two drumsticks off a whole fried chicken and lash out at the world like they were instruments of holy justice. He attempted several times to turn the drumsticks into a gimmick, obviously one thing he did was drum solo with them, also though he'd try to pose with them like a new orleans street performer but he'd end up just sitting in a restaurant staring at a piece of chicken in his hand for hours so it just looked like he had an eating disorder. The Karate Kid was based on him trying to seek mentorship in the martial arts from Colonel Sanders, which didn't make any sense to Colonel Sanders at all, the bulk of the martial arts in the film were dramatized from accounts of an isolated incident where he did some property damage on the fast food magnate's estate trying to break by boards by dual wielding chicken legs.
Cheetos - Tupac Shakur
Tupac loved Cheetos. His concert rider was just a bag of cheetos because it had the word "cheetos" on it. He'd fill his tour bus with cheetos and crash it on purpose, leaving the cheetos-stained fingerprints of guilt all over the scene because he was dangerously cheesy, which was the origin of the term "cheetos stained fingers". He smoked cheetos powder and gave cheetos to animals and didn't care what the cops thought of it. Everyone knows 'Pac died, cheetahs still argue about whether his shooting was cheetos related. I mean, a cheeto is about the size of a bullet hole, so, you do the math.
Pork Chops - David Bowie
David Bowie, the self styled "Lord of The Rings", elf captain of jumpsuits in space and the goblin king of jim henson's funeral, would slather a chop with so much ketchup you couldn't even taste it. He ate them raw or dipped in salt and his life had no meaning. He'd cry on them until they tasted like his brain and eat them for five days. David Bowie's secret recipe for pork chops was given to him by a talking pig that he killed and ate. When asked what his favorite kind of pork chop was David Bowie said that was the stupidest question he'd ever heard, because there's basically only one kind of pig. They make no effort to differentiate, no one's going to tell you if you ate one that was half chimp or whatever. According to David Bowie if you stick your finger through a pig's curly tail and it grips onto your finger and won't let go, that's how you know it's ripe.
Chicken Feet - Journey
This is just what they were eating when they came up with the band name. The future drummer joked "well, i guess we know why the chicken crossed the road" (the joke was a little awkward but you could infer it was "because the chicken had feet" or something). Then the future lead singer locked eyes with him and very powerfully said "But hey man. What if it went... all the way?" Then "Any Way You Want It" started blaring and they hadn't even recorded it yet. That's just the power of rock and roll, that's how the movement is. Everyone knows hard chicken feet are to bite through so eventually Journey called it quits, leaving a backlog of b-sides about it feeling awkward to throw the partially eaten chicken feet away.
Fruit Leather - The Beach Boys
You can somewhat tell by their lyrics that under the fun in the sun loving aesthetic of the Beach Boys' work lay a deeply rooted survivalist philosophy, as evidenced by such songs as "Sloop John B", their ode to long sea voyages. The Beach Boys were in fact obsessive Doomsday Preppers, making their own soap, hardtack(a type of dry biscuit used as rations in the civil war), beef jerky, burlap love dolls, and most of all fruit leather. The rockers swore by the stuff, stuffing their pillow cases with it, affixing it to the back of their guitars, and making folding hats out of it that they'd wear during rounds of serious prosletyzing interviews they'd conduct about the future of the nation, just so people would notice, they wouldn't mention them. The Beach Boys lived by an ethos of a doggedly xenophobic, self sufficient american state, printing quasi anarchist leaflets encouraging the independent building of a system of interconnecting underground bomb shelters between eating huge mouthfuls of fruit leather, and that's what they're famous for.
Kippers - John Legend
What you might not know about John Legend is he tears into a kipper like Tom Hanks in Castaway. Like John Huston in Chinatown, he believes the fish should be eaten with the head on. Like Michael Keaton in Batman, he wants you to tell your friends. Legend's love for the power ballad is demonstrated by his having written "Under The Sea", the song from The Little Mermaid, which is a power ballad. Also he wrote it. This happened because that's where kippers are, it's the only reason he cares about that location, but man does he ever.
Eggs - Snoop Dogg
The first thing Snoop Dogg likes to do when he sits down on the sofa is bite directly into a raw egg still in the shell. He eats them like apples. He serves them to his guests and if you won't eat one you have to get out. If people egg his house, joke's on them, he licks them off the side. To him that's almost like a favor. "Tha Taste of Eggz" was going to be the title of his second album but then he thought better of it, deciding it was a secret too delicious to share. When the "This is your brain on drugs" commercial was airing during the same time as his musical debut, he used his newfound influence to contact the commercial's producers to tell them that in response to the commercial's open ended question of whether viewers had any questions, his question was whether they'd thrown the egg they used for the commercial away or if he could have it, because it looked good.
From breakfast to lunch, and all the way to dinner, and all the way in-between, you know brunch and snacks and fourthmeal, music has taken us on an unforgettable journey that has changed the way we view our culture forever. Through years of social change the artists, and the food, have constantly evolved to suit public tastes - sometimes deep fried, sometimes baked, but mostly kind of raw but burned around the edges in an unappealing way.