5 Reasons Why Donald Trump Would Suck As Your Bass Player
The Politics Of Rock N Roll
Politics and Rock N Roll are so alike.
Bright lights. Super size egos. Lots of smoke and mirrors. The public persona doesn't always match the real person. Mostly, the deep thinking, more talented players get overlooked in favor of the flavor-of-the-month, bombastic showmen. Not always, but much too often...
Behind the scenes, the business of music IS a lot like politics! Lots of diplomacy and never-ending compromise. Then there's promotion, marketing, mailing lists, and social media. Of course, in music or politics you HAVE to be on Facebook. It also helps to travel around the country in a bus, eating junk food, to get your name in front of people.
But, there are differences. Unlike politics, you can listen to Rock N Roll 24 hours a day and it's a pleasurable experience. Unlike politicians, musicians generally believe in the product they are trying to sell you.
As I watch the 2016 Presidential process, which is possibly the most wacked-out and entertaining primary in U.S. history, I'm reminded how much politics follows the same philosophies as marketing a rock band. In this election cycle, the king of marketing is obviously Mr. Donald J. Trump.
Although I like the way The Donald is shaking up the political landscape and exposing the charade, the bass player in me got to thinking...."Man, it would suck to be in a band with this guy".
#5 - The Don's "Do" Doesn't Rock
Donald Trump's hair seems to get as much attention as he does. It's consistently a topic for late-nite monologues and comedians and it is instantly recognizable, even when it's not attached to it's owner. He's the first presidential candidate whose hair has it's own media coverage.
It's the hair of a flamboyant businessman. Or an eccentric billionaire... Or a Brown Spider Monkey (according to the internet). Trump says it's the real deal, so I'll take his word for it. His supporters say he speaks the truth about everything. Only the monkey knows for sure.
There is also a new story of a caterpillar in the Amazon that looks very similar to Trump's hair.That may sound very rock n roll, but it's not unless you're a member of the B-52's.
For this reason alone, Donald Trump would suck as your bass player.
#4 - Spells Team With An I
I can't knock Trump for not being a team player. He's never claimed to be. He's the boss. Any man who tries to trademark the term "You're Fired" will never be a team player.
Every good Rock N Roll band is a team. The Don wants to OWN the team, not play on it.
#3 - Money Can't Buy A Riff
It's pretty common knowledge that most musicians are broke. Starving artists are a real thing. It's the hard times and struggle that build character, and bring out the soul in one's performance. Most musicians don't start playing an instrument to make money. They do it because they love it.
They work a day job, work their music career, and still struggle to pay the bills. There's no use complaining because it's a choice. A passion to pursue a tough road. Without the passion, there is no soul. Without the soul, you're just going through the motions.
The Donald has never had that struggle. His fortune was handed to him when he was a young man, and he got his "start" with many millions of dollars. His father, Fred Trump was a New York real estate developer who passed on his success to his family.
Let me be clear....There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.
It doesn't disqualify him from being a smart guy, but for The Don, the struggle is not real and never has been. This doesn't make him a bad guy, and one can't deny his passion, but he seems to lack soul....and for this reason he would probably suck as your bass player.
$4.5 billion to $8 billion
#2 - The Donald Has No Groove
A bass player has to possess certain talents and characteristics to do the job well. The ability to groove, and the ability to stay-in-the-pocket must be displayed in equal measure. I'm not sure that candidate Trump can do this. I've been listening to his speeches the same way I would listen to a new song - with an open mind, ready to be impressed.
This cat is all over the place. He repeats all of his lines twice.....He repeats all of his lines twice..... Even the ones that are wrong. Which are many, according to fact checkers.
He says what's on his mind, whether it's correct or not. He then blasts his opinion into a microphone or onto Twitter. This is the one area where The Don has something in common with musicians.
If Trump spent less time on Twitter and more time researching facts..... well, he wouldn't be Donald Trump.
"Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser"— Donald J. Trump
"The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance"— Albert Einstein
#1 That Ego
Donald John Trump has a big, giant, massive ego. He is the best at everything! Just ask him. He is the world's greatest developer. The world best businessman. He claims to have wrote the world's best selling business book. I can't find reliable sales figures for "The Art Of The Deal", but sources claim the book has sold over 1 million copies. In comparison, "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" has sold 30 million copies.
He also claims to have the "Best memory in the world". Yeah, he really said that...
If you spent the night at Trump's place, you would sleep on the world's softest pillows. You would have the sweetest dreams ever, and in the morning you would drink the worlds best coffee from golden coffee beans. (Picked by some migrant south of the border, no doubt).
This is where I draw the line. Trump isn't the best at anything, except promoting himself. He's really good at that, but I'll bet his coffee isn't any better than that crap from Starbucks. It's all about marketing. Donald Trump has made himself larger than life, and that's a very rock n roll thing to do. The Don could succeed in the music business. Although he's much more suited to being a promoter, or a sleazy-type of manager.
If he were actually in a band, Trump could only be a frontman. He certainly knows how to work a crowd. Maybe a David Lee Roth type of vocalist, without the sense of humor.
Rock The Vote
Among the following candidates, which would be your choice for President Of The United States?
What The Huck? A Politician Who Actually Plays Bass
There is one presidential candidate who really, actually plays the bass. Like many bass players, he is in the background and no one really thinks about him much. Mike Huckabee doesn't stand a chance of being president, so he's probably doing this to sell books.
I won't judge Huckabee on his bass playing, but when it comes to presidential material I wouldn't let this guy walk my dog.
The above statements are the rambling opinions of the author, and should not be taken too seriously by crazy Trump supporters.
Photo credits: Dazz Lee Photography and Sweet Marie Photography.
Photoshopping and Rolling Of Eyes by Sweet Marie Photography.
Comments are welcome below!