ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Vacuum Salesman Incident

Updated on September 23, 2017

Kirby man, the doorbell rang again. Kirby man the voice on the other side of the door chimed. My father looked at my mother and shrugged. He lifted himself off the well worn sofa and ambled over to the door. Go away he shouted. We don’t want to buy nothin. The man on the other side of the door said, nothing to buy, it’s free. My father again looked back at my mother then turned to confront the door again. What’s free my father asked? This here brand new Kirby Cleaning Machine the man said holding up a shiny brand new upright vacuum.

My father peered out the window at the smiling man and the shiny vacuum cleaner. He opened the door a crack and stuck his ample nose into the cool autumn air as if trying to smell if the man was contaminated. Good afternoon sir said the man. If you’ll just let me show you how to use this unbelievable machine it could be yours absolutely free of charge. My father shoved his humongous hand out the door and said, just give it to me and I’ll learn how to use it on my own. Well sir the man said, I only get paid if I show you how to use it and I need the money to send my young son to college. My father opened the door and reluctantly let the salesman in.

This here Kirby will revolutionize the way we clean our homes the man started out as he looked for a wall socket to plug it in. He continued; this machine will not only vacuum it will deodorize the room, and it will wax your floors. Now I’m going to show you something amazing. He took a plastic bag out of his carrying case and opened it. Because your home is so immaculate I’m forced to use my own dirt to demonstrate the cleaning power of this here Kirby vacuum. He proceeded to empty the bag of dirt in the middle of our living room. My mother gasped. Not to worry madam said the man, if this machine doesn’t pick up every speck of dirt I’ll give you this machine free just like I promised.

A week earlier my father had built a make shift waxing machine to wax the brand new linoleum he had put down in our living room. It didn’t go well. The end of the motor fit snugly onto the top of the large round brush so my father thought, but when he turned the machine on the large round brush flew off the motor and through the living room window and the motor took off on its own reeking havoc against the brand new linoleum cutting a path eight feet long into the living room floor. Undaunted, my father rounded up every last piece of linoleum that was churned up no matter how small and glued them all together, barely noticeable he said.

On this day the salesman didn’t notice and he proceeded to vacuum up the dirt he had emptied on to the floor. It went well for a few seconds then the brand new Kirby Cleaning Machine made a god awful grinding sound. And then a god awful smell emanated from the machine as bits of linoleum and smoke bellowed out from under the vacuum. The salesman uttered that never happened before. And so the salesman probably didn’t get to send his son to college but the story had a happy ending for us. It turned out that the salesman was right; the Kirby Vacuum was free along with the cost of brand new linoleum flooring. Dad, the man, the myth, the legend.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://corp.maven.io/privacy-policy

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)