Vladimir Putin, The World's Sexiest Russian

I'm several months late on this story, and it's dreadfully disappointing. Why wasn't I informed when Vladimir Putin took his shirt off and became Russia's hottest topless model? My hot line to the Kremlin obviously needs some work. Maybe it's time to replace the string with twine? I don't know, I'm not a fancy technician.

World leaders are all very well. But what do they do when they're not in invading countries, gassing their own populations, putting down rebellions, getting it on with their staff, and choking on snack foods?

(Soon to be Ex) Russian President Vladimir Putin likes to get topless for cameras in his spare time. Vladimir cut a spiffing figure when he stripped down to his fishing pants and proudly held his large rod on display. There aren't many men in their mid 50's who would cut such a dashing and virile figure, but years of exerting an iron grip on Russia has left Vladimir rather trim about the bicep region. Vladimir also recommends Judo, and cracking down on Oligarchs as a means of staying in good shape.

A strong proponent of justice and being a law abiding citizen, Putin had this lesson to impart on the subject of obeying the laws even when through some unfortunate technical glitch, Big Brother is not able to watch you: "You must obey the law, always, not only when they grab you by your special place."

Speaking of special places, Putin doesn't mess around when it comes to combating terrorism either, and announced this warning to terrorists: "We'll follow terrorists everywhere. We will corner the bandits in the toilet and wipe them out." So that's where they've been hiding all this time! Refer to the illustration to your right if you are confused by what this quote meant. It recommended that if you encounter terrorists in your toilet that you do not attempt to wipe them out yourself, though a second flush may help the situation.

And Vladimir? As long as he brings along his rod and tackle, he can grab me by my special place anytime. (Admit it, you feel the same way.)