The true tale of Minnie the Apple, the funniest human on Planet Earth!
A sweet old lady? Read on and be surprised!
Here is her unbelievable but true story!
She was someone I interacted with for one of my jobs, and was probably the most unforgettable person I ever knew. She was elderly you could say and dressed like a little old lady. She looked like a sweet older grandmother as she wore sweaters all of the time. Her last name sounded like "apple something or other". Of course there were many variations of it that we used.
What was so funny about her?
As innocent as she looked, Minnie had a great routine that she performed everyday. No it was not an act, it was just how she talked. She went off on people in a rhyme and then ended the sentence by saying go to H. Yes, the hot place down below.
For example, she would yell out " You are are dummy and a crummy! Go to" . Or "you are a jerk, and you don't do any work ! Go to" . Of course one of my favorites was " Get out of here or I'll hit you with a bottle of beer. Want me to hit you twice in the head so you'll drop doubley dead, and then I can hide your body under my bed?" Go to.
Yes, this went on almost all day until she saw someone she liked or wanted to talk to. If she didn't like you or wasn't happy to see you right then well, she wanted to give you a punch. If the wasn't enough, she could give you a bunch. By now, you know where to go!
You almost had to hear he to believe it!
Some of my other favorites were as follows:
-I'll hit you with a table and knock you into a stable
-I'll give you a kick in the pants and make you do a little dance
- I'll give you a smash and throw you in the trash
-(When the annual speech was coming) I'm going to listen the state of the nation, if you don't let me, I'll give you a laceration!
-Give me a hassle and I'll throw you into the castle!
-I'll head off you head and hide it under the bed. Maybe I'll put it in the toilet if it does fit, I'll boil it!
-You're crazy, lazy, and your mind has gone hazy!
- You stink and you're full of ink
- Go away, I hate you today
- Hey, you look like a rat and smell like a dead cat
-If you make me holler, I'll break your coller
and... I'll throw something icky in your mickey! Go to...
Insulting or offensive?
Not to me she wasn't! I thought Minnie was awesome and she brightened any day. After all, who hears entertainment like that at work everyday? Only the lucky, I suppose.