ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The true tale of Minnie the Apple, the funniest human on Planet Earth!

Updated on August 5, 2015

A sweet old lady? Read on and be surprised!

Here is her unbelievable but true story!

She was someone I interacted with for one of my jobs, and was probably the most unforgettable person I ever knew. She was elderly you could say and dressed like a little old lady. She looked like a sweet older grandmother as she wore sweaters all of the time. Her last name sounded like "apple something or other". Of course there were many variations of it that we used.

What was so funny about her?

As innocent as she looked, Minnie had a great routine that she performed everyday. No it was not an act, it was just how she talked. She went off on people in a rhyme and then ended the sentence by saying go to H. Yes, the hot place down below.

For example, she would yell out " You are are dummy and a crummy! Go to" . Or "you are a jerk, and you don't do any work ! Go to" . Of course one of my favorites was " Get out of here or I'll hit you with a bottle of beer. Want me to hit you twice in the head so you'll drop doubley dead, and then I can hide your body under my bed?" Go to.

Yes, this went on almost all day until she saw someone she liked or wanted to talk to. If she didn't like you or wasn't happy to see you right then well, she wanted to give you a punch. If the wasn't enough, she could give you a bunch. By now, you know where to go!

You almost had to hear he to believe it!

Some of my other favorites were as follows:

-I'll hit you with a table and knock you into a stable

-I'll give you a kick in the pants and make you do a little dance

- I'll give you a smash and throw you in the trash

-(When the annual speech was coming) I'm going to listen the state of the nation, if you don't let me, I'll give you a laceration!

-Give me a hassle and I'll throw you into the castle!

-I'll head off you head and hide it under the bed. Maybe I'll put it in the toilet if it does fit, I'll boil it!

-You're crazy, lazy, and your mind has gone hazy!

- You stink and you're full of ink

- Go away, I hate you today

- Hey, you look like a rat and smell like a dead cat

-If you make me holler, I'll break your coller

and... I'll throw something icky in your mickey! Go to...


Insulting or offensive?

Not to me she wasn't! I thought Minnie was awesome and she brightened any day. After all, who hears entertainment like that at work everyday? Only the lucky, I suppose.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • MikeSyrSutton profile imageAUTHOR

      MikeSyrSutton 

      3 years ago from An uncharted galaxy

      Thank you! I understand Rochelle. LOL . But please trust me when I say that I am limited in what I can write about her.

    • Larry Rankin profile image

      Larry Rankin 

      3 years ago from Oklahoma

      Minnie sounds like quite the humorist.

      Great profile.

    • Rochelle Frank profile image

      Rochelle Frank 

      3 years ago from California Gold Country

      You need to add to this, Mike. We want to know more about Minnie.

    • MikeSyrSutton profile imageAUTHOR

      MikeSyrSutton 

      3 years ago from An uncharted galaxy

      Absolutely! LOL

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 

      3 years ago from south Florida

      From your description, Mike, Minnie would have been perfect as the Director of Public Relations. ;)

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)