The Britney, Paris, Lindsay, Love/Spit Chain

There's nothing more delightful than dating the ex boyfriends of your enemies. Paris, Britney and Lindsay seem to do it often enough, so often that I am starting to think that they do it in some sort of bizarre voodoo fashion. I recall reading somewhere that in some tribal cultures it is said you can absorb the strength of your enemy if you consume his heart.

Perhaps these girls are working on a similar theory. They certainly do seem to be growing more alike than not, the once sweet Britney getting her panty flash on, Lindsay going from teen actress wonder to sex super star, and Paris, well, would we really notice if Paris picked up anymore vices or foibles, probably not.

Still this is all speculation, let's look at the cold hard facts.

Joe Francis (Paris, Lindsay)

First there was Joe, possibly the epitome in bad taste love affairs. As the creator of the Girls Gone Wild series he clearly respects women and their earning potential. Lindsay picked him up as Paris' sloppy seconds. Charming.

K-Fed (Britney, Lindsay?, Paris?)

Notable only for his destructive relationship with Britney Spears who somehow went entirely insane during the course of their relationship, rumors flew shortly after their break up that Lindsay was seeing him, followed by Paris hanging out with him at club Tao. I personally wouldn't put it past Paris to get her hands on KFed, not so much as a love interest but more like the sexual equivalent of visiting a freak sow.

Brandon Davis (Paris, Lindsay, Britney)

Brandon was reported to have dated Lindsay but went on a rant about how disgusting her genitalia is and how poor she is because she only has 7 million. He also did Paris but had no complaints there apparently. Britney then started hanging out with him, though to be honest at that stage I think she was barely able to differentiate between people and inanimate objects.

Apparently none of the girls noticed how fat and gross he is, kind of a big oversight, possibly caused by his overwhelmingly obnoxious personality that blocks out the senses' ability to gather further information.

JR Rotem (Britney, Lindsay, Paris)

A producer who was responsible for some of the horror that was Paris Hilton's attempted music career. Did she sleep with him to get him to drop his professional standards? Maybe. He also dated Britney for a short time after her break up with Kevin Federline, and completed the trifecta by being linked to Lindsay.

Men, beware, it might seem like an achievement to nail all these ladies, but I'm pretty sure it ends up with you lying in a ditch somewhere minus your soul. Of this bunch only K-Fed is still bouncing around happily, and he probably didn't do Lindsay or Paris.