The Great Paris Hilton Breast Mystery

Paris has never been especially shy when it comes to showing off her body, especially if you consider the whole sex tape escapade. With things being so out in the open, it recently became patently obvious that something had changed with regard to Paris' breasts. They are larger, fuller, more perky, and much more threatening to smother a small nation than ever before.

There are two main theories on this exponential and unanticipated breast growth. One is the surgery theorem, the other is the superbra theorem. The surgery theorem seems the most likely at first glance until we consider the situation more closely. Paris is almost constantly trailed by paparazzi who stalk her with all the skill of a Native American tracking a deer through the woods. She has been spotted several times driving whilst on a suspended license this way, so it would seem that if she ever went in for breast surgery, the paparazzi would know, and they would almost certainly say something to someone.

So then, we are left with the superbra theorem. If this is the work of a bra, it is certainly no natural bra, rather it must be a bra the likes of which we have not seen before. The heiress now looks as if she has grown an extra bottom on her chest, something that is indisputably attractive I am sure you'll all agree.

The superbra theorem also holds a little more weight than the surgery theorem as Paris's breasts seem to grow and then shrink depending on the garment she is wearing. When she is clearly braless, her breasts return to their tiny yet perky state. When she dons clothing that covers a little more of the “bra zone” she miraculously gains a magnificent cleavage.

The only real question now is, where do we get one of these?