Things You Never Want To Hear In An Airplane

We all know the benefits of flying, it is fast, convenient and fairly economical. There are people who love the thrill of taking to the skies, perhaps you are one of them. They love the feeling of rushing down the runway, watching the ground fall away as the plane begins to climb. Maybe it is the appeal of settling in with a good book or magazine for a few hours before landing hundreds, or perhaps thousands of miles away.

Yet I must admit that I am one of those people who does not think of convenience or fun while flying. In fact, sheer terror would be a better description of how I feel when I am on an airplane. I find myself trying to keep positive thoughts, but my mind keeps wandering to all the things that could go wrong. Other passengers are worried about prompt service, or making their connecting flight. Not me! I am wondering if the wing is firmly attached to the plane.

As the plane taxied out to the runway, I thought it was a pleasant ride and wondered why we could not just taxi all the way to Columbus. With these jet engines, we could make excellent time on the interstate, that was my state of mind. Have I mentioned that I am afraid of flying?

This leads to the topic at hand, the things you will never want to hear spoken on an airplane. This is especially true if you are terrified of flying, however I tend to believe even veteran fliers would be disturbed by some of these things. The following is my personal list of things that I would never want to hear while on an airplane.

We have seen this countless times in Hollywood movies, but nobody ever wants to hear this question over the intercom during their flight. Just the thought of soaring above the clouds without an experienced pilot at the controls is enough to convince some people to take the bus.

This is something that I would never want to hear on final approach. When preparing to land, a simple "Please fasten seatbelts, we will be on the ground shortly" would suffice. "Brace for impact" implies the landing will be a bit rough and possibly at a location other than a runway.

Let's face it, unless you are flying on a plane designed to land on water, a water landing is simply a nice way to say crashing. 747's were not designed to land on water and it seldom turns out favorable. Water landings can put a real damper on your vacation plans, no pun intended.

Picture this scenario, in the middle of the flight you gaze out the window and notice flames and smoke coming from the engine. Meanwhile, a voice on the intercom is telling you not to worry, that the plane is able to fly fine with one engine out. This may be true, but what about the potential of the flames following the fuel lines to the fuel tanks? Definately not a situation that one wants to be in.

Yes, veterans of air travel will claim there are many reasons to divert a flight to another airport. "It could be weather" they will say, however those of us who are terrified of flying will hear "plane malfunction". Our minds will run wild with this information. Is there a problem with the plane? Are they trying to figure out how to get the landing gear down? Was there an incident with another plane at the airport? Is it too late to take the train?

This phrase is often followed by a request for volunteers to wait for a later flight. Although compensation is generally offered, this can prove to be a great inconvenience to some travelers. If you happen to be flying United, it could even prove painful and downright terrifying.