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Toilet Paper Police, Why Does My TP Disappear?

Updated on January 11, 2011

What do you need that for?

I know as parents we all go through the common problem of keeping the toilet paper rolls filled and in stock. Wouldn't it be great if we could hire some toilet paper police to help us in this never-ending battle? I know in my house toilet paper disappears in a blink of the eye and nobody knows where it has gone. This is where I need to have some assistance. Not one person knows where the toilet paper has gone, but I have an idea of where it went....

I place the newly opened roll on the holder in the bathroom sometime after breakfast. I know each person used the bathroom about one to two times before leaving the house. I checked when no one was looking and it was still there, still full, and right where I left it. During the day there were no irregular circumstances to decrease the roll, ex. stomach flu, runs, etc. I did notice though the roll was slowly getting smaller and smaller. I decided to keep a close eye on who was going in and what exactly was going on. Boy was I surprised by what I discovered.

  1. I would like to say to my family..toilet paper is made to use on your behind after using the bathroom facilities. You do not need to use a TON of it, just a small amount will get the job done right. You DO NOT need to aim on blocking the toilet to consider it a job well completed.
  2. Toilet paper is not blankets for your barbie dolls. It is not very thick and it will definitely not keep them warm.
  3. You can not clean up a spill with toilet paper, it is not that absorbent to clean up a whole spilled cup of juice. You can however use the paper towels located in the kitchen for this type of mess. They are very absorbent and they will get the job done with less sheets!!
  4. You do not need to go into the bathroom to wipe and or blow your nose with the toilet paper. It tends to rip apart if you blow to hard and also it can stick to your lips. Instead please use the boxes of tissues that I buy and strategically place throughout the house so they are handy for even the unexpected messy sneeze. You usually dart right past the open box of tissue to get to the toilet paper, by grabbing a tissue you will save time and lesson the amount of steps you have to take to acquire one.
  5. It is not cute to rip up the toilet paper and make it into little piles on the floor. Toilet paper cost money, if you insist on playing with it like a toy I will gladly minus off one of your future gifts, ex. birthday, Christmas, etc., which ever comes closer.
  6. DO NOT PLACE A FULL ROLL OF TOILET PAPER BY THE SINK!!! It will get wet and soggy, even when it dries out completely it is still not much use. Always place it where it belongs and there should be no troubles.
  7. If you finish a roll of toilet paper please be kind and refill the holder with a fresh roll. This will help our effort of not having anymore stranded housemates or guests on our toilet.

If everyone can follow these rules that are in place with accordance to the Toilet Paper Police we should have no future issues.

So let me recap, toilet paper is for butts, NOT FOR barbies, spills, noses, toys, or anything else not associated with the butt area.

If you have any questions please refer to the above rules and you should be just fine.

Thank You,

Management

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    • SognoPiccolo profile image

      SognoPiccolo 6 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

      this made me giggle cuz its true

    • JillKostow profile image
      Author

      Jill Kostowskie 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Yes it is very true, thank you for enjoying and commenting!!

    • SognoPiccolo profile image

      SognoPiccolo 6 years ago from Wilmington, Ohio

      no problem =)

    • HappyHer profile image

      HappyHer 6 years ago from Cleveland, OH

      Great hub! With four children in the house, I had found myself uttering those same rules, with varied results over the years! Thanks.

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      Oh yes, you and I are of the same mind! I have actually thought about divvying up a roll, between them. My one daughter actually hides a roll now, just so she don't have to yell for one. On a side note: I still think they are eating it!

    • JillKostow profile image
      Author

      Jill Kostowskie 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Sweetsusieg - Eating TP or Not Eating TP? Now that is the question!!!! lmao :)

    • Sweetsusieg profile image

      Sweetsusieg 6 years ago from Michigan

      They MUST eat it... Yep, that is the only conclusion I have come to. When I find a fork and plate in the bathroom I will know for sure! I only imagine them eating it in a similar fashion to spaghetti.. Is that vivid or what?

    • Stressed 24\7 profile image

      Stressed 24\7 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Toliet paper disappearance is a household mytersty to everyone. But as to the above comment of "eating it in a similar fashion to spaghetti" made me gag just a little bit. lol

    • JillKostow profile image
      Author

      Jill Kostowskie 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Stressed 24\7 you are right, it was a very vivid description but that is what made it soooo funny!!! Maybe there should be a Toilet Paper detective on my staff also. :)

    • Anna Marie Bowman profile image

      Anna Marie Bowman 6 years ago from Florida

      This is great!!! I noticed when my daughter is here, we go through a whole lot more toilet paper than when she is at her dad's. It seems that a roll only lasts a day or so when she is here, but when she is gone, a roll will last almost a week. Seeing as she is the only other female in the household besides me, it has to be her that is using it all. I have no idea where it goes or what she does with it, but after reading the part about not using it for blankets for your barbies...I may check her room a little more closely.

    • Shona Venter profile image

      Shona Venter 6 years ago from South Africa

      News headline: "Toilet seats stolen at police station. Cops have nothing to go on."

      Thanks for the giggle, Jill. :-)

    • JillKostow profile image
      Author

      Jill Kostowskie 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      Your Welcome Shona Venter - thanks for enjoying and commenting!

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