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Top new year resolutions for 2013-Humorous

Updated on May 26, 2016

Now that we have survived the D-day

Now that we have survived the D-day it's time to usher into the New Year in great spirits. Everywhere there is fun and frolic. This is the time of the year I like most. But it's also the time to commit to ourselves. I generally write on paper my agenda for every month and try to live up to it. I confess I fail horribly. But nonetheless, I make one every year. Dreaming is more important than making your dreams true. Yes, I mean it.

Having watched Emmerich's movie 2012, my spirits were down in the dumps but now I am busy finalizing my resolution for 2013. You may too choose one of the following :



Truth will be the crucial factor

Being true to myself has been a great problem for me ever since I was an embryo. I was born inverted, they say. I have got to reverse this inversion and so being true becomes the guiding factor in 2014. By any means, even by being false, I have got to be true...Oh what did I say?

Superstitions will be shown the door

My superstitious nature has always been an obstacle in the way of my success. I am sure to say it goodbye in the coming year. However it remains to be seen whether I can wrestle out the blind faith. I generally don't shave on the last day of the year and it has been a record that whenever I don't shave I lose matches. So it's going to be difficult from the very first day of the New Year. Or else I shall shave early in the morning on the first of January in order to do away with the superstitions in the New Year.

Health, numero uno

Doctors have been my best friends so far. It's high time I bid them good bye. I told my friend that I would clear my drawer of all the pills, capsules and syrups and you know what did he say. He said, "Yeah! they must all be running over expiry dates. It's high time you bought new ones."

Dieting in 2014

You say 'SWEETS' and I could break into your house. But no more. I am going to dictate terms to my stomach, beginning this new year. So, Mr. Stomach, hereafter you will be the slave and I, the master.

Hurrah! going free from years of slavery...

Becoming a vegetarian

Dear hens and goats and fish, I regret having been so inhuman to you all. But the coming year, I shall try to be kind to you and me.

Thanks and regards.

Getting up early

I shall work in the dark mornings and march ahead while the word will doze. I have a plan up my sleeve. I shall use manifold alarm system. They will buzz after intervals of 5 minutes. My spouse has already warned me that I should arrange earphones and sleep with them in my ears so she won't have to listen the shrill cry.

Living up to my promises

I have earned a bad name that I do not live up to my promises. I am going to revert this all. This is a promise.

Being happy

Being happy is my birth right. But empty pockets have snatched away this right since long. I am going to earn such huge money that I can buy happiness.

Good bye to all bad habits

Self discipline will be the trick. Everything is bound to be alright once self discipline sets in. I have a good track record of teaching discipline to others though I have not been able to do the same to me.

Good bye Facebook

Mark ZuKerberg!

Please do not interfere with me in 2014.

There will be perhaps others to play with.

tummy trimming 2014

Early in October this year, the securities of a ready made apparel store refused to let me in saying my size apparels were not available. You all just wait and watch, this year 2014, what's going to happen!


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