ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Top new year resolutions for 2013-Humorous

Updated on May 26, 2016

Now that we have survived the D-day

Now that we have survived the D-day it's time to usher into the New Year in great spirits. Everywhere there is fun and frolic. This is the time of the year I like most. But it's also the time to commit to ourselves. I generally write on paper my agenda for every month and try to live up to it. I confess I fail horribly. But nonetheless, I make one every year. Dreaming is more important than making your dreams true. Yes, I mean it.

Having watched Emmerich's movie 2012, my spirits were down in the dumps but now I am busy finalizing my resolution for 2013. You may too choose one of the following :

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Source

Truth will be the crucial factor

Being true to myself has been a great problem for me ever since I was an embryo. I was born inverted, they say. I have got to reverse this inversion and so being true becomes the guiding factor in 2014. By any means, even by being false, I have got to be true...Oh what did I say?

Superstitions will be shown the door

My superstitious nature has always been an obstacle in the way of my success. I am sure to say it goodbye in the coming year. However it remains to be seen whether I can wrestle out the blind faith. I generally don't shave on the last day of the year and it has been a record that whenever I don't shave I lose matches. So it's going to be difficult from the very first day of the New Year. Or else I shall shave early in the morning on the first of January in order to do away with the superstitions in the New Year.

Health, numero uno

Doctors have been my best friends so far. It's high time I bid them good bye. I told my friend that I would clear my drawer of all the pills, capsules and syrups and you know what did he say. He said, "Yeah! they must all be running over expiry dates. It's high time you bought new ones."

Dieting in 2014

You say 'SWEETS' and I could break into your house. But no more. I am going to dictate terms to my stomach, beginning this new year. So, Mr. Stomach, hereafter you will be the slave and I, the master.

Hurrah! going free from years of slavery...

Becoming a vegetarian

Dear hens and goats and fish, I regret having been so inhuman to you all. But the coming year, I shall try to be kind to you and me.

Thanks and regards.

Getting up early

I shall work in the dark mornings and march ahead while the word will doze. I have a plan up my sleeve. I shall use manifold alarm system. They will buzz after intervals of 5 minutes. My spouse has already warned me that I should arrange earphones and sleep with them in my ears so she won't have to listen the shrill cry.

Living up to my promises

I have earned a bad name that I do not live up to my promises. I am going to revert this all. This is a promise.

Being happy

Being happy is my birth right. But empty pockets have snatched away this right since long. I am going to earn such huge money that I can buy happiness.

Good bye to all bad habits

Self discipline will be the trick. Everything is bound to be alright once self discipline sets in. I have a good track record of teaching discipline to others though I have not been able to do the same to me.

Good bye Facebook

Mark ZuKerberg!

Please do not interfere with me in 2014.

There will be perhaps others to play with.

tummy trimming 2014

Early in October this year, the securities of a ready made apparel store refused to let me in saying my size apparels were not available. You all just wait and watch, this year 2014, what's going to happen!

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)