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Top Chef DC: Meet The Cheftestants
What’s not to love about Top Chef? The judges are great; Padma’s hot and Tom’s mystifying with that shiny head. The cheftestants always bring the drama racing against the clock, and of course there’s the food. Holy crap do they make some good lookin’ grub, or what? My mouth waters during their challenges, and that’s when I pray for the technology for a truly interactive TV. I want to push a button on my remote and have the food appear. I’m counting on you, Willy Wonka to make that happen!
The seventh season has taken over Washington, D.C. Seventeen wannabes arrived to compete for the fancy title and a buncha other prizes that Padma announces every episode. Top Chef took a cue from American Idol and added a fourth judge, renowned chef Eric Ripert.
As usual, there is a wide range of contestants. Some of them are more mature chefs, like Lynne the instructor from the Culinary Institute (watch out, she’s a hugger!) and then there’s smack-talkin’ Tracey from Atlanta. Tiffany started her culinary career at the oh-so-chic IHOP, and declared that she wants to be the first African American winner in Top Chef history, especially since they are in “Obama’s City” this season.
It seemed like most of them spent their first few days babbling about what awards they’ve been nominated for or have received. I get that we don’t know who these clowns are, but it gets a little obnoxious how they ramble off everything on their resume. Since I can’t taste their food, I’m looking for a good personality, not whose butt you‘ve kissed to get you where you are.
The two stand-outs were Kenny and Angelo with their excessive cockiness and their insta-rivalry. Kenny kinda reminded me of Stefan from two seasons ago, with his matter-of-fact confidence. Angelo came out swinging by bragging about his travels, but looked like a fool when he failed to out-Europe Timothy. Get over yourself, clownface.
Arnold seems like he’ll be entertaining with his flamboyance. Timothy is a widower, and was featured in the commercials as calling himself the Barry White of the kitchen. After his mini-standoff with Angelo, I definitely like him a ton. Then there’s poor John, the “stranger in a strange land” who happens to be very strange looking. He seems like a sweet guy, and it broke my heart that things were not going his way the entire episode.
Intro to Quickfire
Misen Place Tournament I LOVE these! It was basically a relay competition with four levels: potatoes, onions, chickens, and making a dish out of those ingredients. People were eliminated each round and the last chef standing won $20,000. That’s no joke! Amanda freaked me out by slicing her hand open chopping potatoes. I hate seeing that stuff.
Kenny proved himself to be quick-draw McGraw by winning all three of the speed rounds. This got Angelo’s goat, thus igniting their feud. I’m not sure if I love Kenny’s personality yet, but I am definitely on his side in this case. Angelo sucks. He won the quickfire and declared that he wants to be the first chef to win every single challenge. Ha, keep dreaming homeboy!
Represent Your State
For the elimination challenge, the chefs had to cook something that represented where they’re from to be served to a buncha D.C. locals (including former Bachelor, Andy…what?). I want to know how many takes it took Padma to say “Washingtonian” because she was struggling.
The four people who made it to the final in the Quickfire got to choose their head-to-head teams. The “crappiest” chefs got chosen first, and Ed was last to be picked which inspired him to list his resume. Whatever. The picking didn’t really mean crap since they don’t know squat about each other.
They went to Whole Foods for the first time, which was like taking a child to their first day of school. John chose to make a dessert, which was risky. He made me so sad when he couldn’t get the oven to work correctly and everything was just working against the poor guy. On a different note, I think Jacqueline’s chicken liver mousse was the most frightening thing ever. I may not know much about chicken liver, but grainy = disgusting.
Side note: Padma has got huge mommy boobies. Just thought I’d throw that observation out there.
While they were waiting to be ripped to pieces, some of the chefs were drinking and made some dice out of boxes. I thought that was genius, but some of the uptight turdbuckets sat there and judged them. Maybe they should take a minute and remove the sticks from their rear-ends, it’ll make their stay in the Top Chef house more enjoyable. They’ll probably be the first ones to implode under the pressure. I’m talking to you, Tiffany!
Top: Angelo, Kenny, Alex, Kevin.
I’m making a prediction that Kevin will be underestimated, but will do well. Angelo and Kenny got their rematch and unfortunately Angelo won again. That little buttface is getting his wish, so far. There isn’t going to be enough room in the house for his big head.
Bottom: Stephen, John, Timothy, Jacquelyn.
Jacquelyn got reamed for making low-fat chicken liver mousse. Eric Ripert had to ask, “Why was she thinking diet?” Good question. The worst part was that she admitted to needing a recipe, even though she’s made it hundreds of times. To me, she should have been the first one sent home.
Timothy was the only one who chose his competitors and lost. Eric Ripert had a huge problem with the skin on the fish and thought that “he should know better.” He kinda looked like he was going to cry. I hope he does better next week because I like him.
John bought pre-prepared puff pastry and the flavor of the maple syrup got lost in a sea of sugar. When the judges questioned him about his decisions, all he could say was “I guess I was just being stupid.” That broke my heart a little. Sadly, he was the first one eliminated and felt he let down all his family and friends. Awww. Good luck in the world, John!
Who Is Your Favorite Top Chef Judge?
Quote of the Week
“I will set the presidents” ~Angelo. Learn to speak, clown.