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"Twilight" 2008 Movie Review
Twilight Movie Cover:
Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke
Screenplay by: Melissa Rosenberg
Genre: Drama, Thriller, Fantasy, Romance
Release date: November 21, 2008
My Rating: 1/10 - lowest rating I will ever give a movie...ever
Verdict: Creepy Romance in a fantasy world to make it seem less creepy.
Review (spoiler free):
I read the books first. I was in high school when my best friend pushed me to the side one day between classes and gushed over the book. It went something like this:
BFF: "Have you heard of Twilight?"
Me: "No, what it is?"
BFF: "It's this amazing vampire novel. It's got romance and scary vampires and cool shit."
Me: "I see.."
BFF: "It's freaking amazing. Go read it!"
BFF: "No, seriously. You will love it."
Me: "Okay." *a little excited*
Coincidentally, a few days later, during shopping, I come across the book at a store and decide to buy it. The most depressing part is that....It was the first book EVER I spent money on. At school, I would just grab goosebumps, fear street, or other semi mystery/political books to read and return to my school library. I was a bookworm back then. So I gave twilight a try because I liked vampire stories. So it saddens me to know that the first book I ever bought was the worst book I would ever read again.
I went home and got to reading.
I will admit this: I read the whole thing in 2 days. Back then, the thought of not finishing a book terrified me. I couldn't NOT finish a book. It was unfathomable.
The worst part is that I knew I hated the heroine from the first chapter. I kid you not. I could not relate with her pathetic personality at all.
Also. I freaking love sports and the gym and working out. Bella thought my heaven was her personal hell. Bella can go jump off a cliff.
Oh wait...she does in the second movie.
Needless to say....I hated bella. Soooo much. Today, it amazes me that I was able to actually finish not only the first book, but the whole series.
Like I said, back then, not finishing a book - or a series if there was one - was unthinkable for me.
Also...I sort of liked the powers of Alice. Seeing the future? Heck yeah. I personally liked Edwards siblings and parents more than his crappy love story.
But anyways, I just wanted to give a little back story before jumping into the movie.
I enjoyed it.
Are you confused? Let me clarify: I enjoyed how many times my sister and I made FUN of it. We used to mute the movie, then we would pretend to talk for them throughout the film. We would make some of the stupidest and silliest jokes while the movie played in the backdrop.
I honestly don't regret it being made into a movie. It's my comic relief. There are a few hilarious skits on youtube (that I will link below) that gave me joy back when life was not going my way. Some videos linked here should be watched for some real fun.
That's why it gets ONE star. Or else it would be zero. Hahaha.
Let's not even forget the fact that thanks to this movie, there have been so many spoofs, parodies, and musicals made that just make my day.
God...maybe I should give this movie more stars...but that's manipulation. The movie sucks, the parodies are gold.
That's why this review is going to be full of them, to make you laugh a little. Because nobody deserves to sit through this terrible film without some good coming out of it.
Basically, Bella Swan decides to ditch her mom in favor of her dad (why dude, why) so that her mom can happily run away with her new lover while she goes to the one place she hates most: Forks, fictional town where it's always forecast and raining.
It's sounds perfect to me. I'm in California. I'm sick of this damn sun.
That's another reason I couldn't stand Bella. She complained about being in a place I would kill to be. Sighhhhhhh.
But anyways, at the new place, she meets Edward (a vampire who might accidentally F her to death - no joke), and his family of "vegetarian" vampires. Next thing you know we have this crappy staring contests of romance and whining and stay-away-no-come-back back and forth between a human-meal and a vampire-blood-sucker until we get a new villain who wants to eat Edwards love interest.
Really, I don't even think I need to explain this stuff...my review is really late, and I bet majority of people these days either heard of it and hate it..or heard of it and watched and hate it.
Yeah....I'm excluding the lovers. Ya weirdos.
God I despise love triangles. I just loathe them. The worst part is that we get a stupid girl who has to choose between a clingy wimp who doesn't know what NO is and a creeper who is controlling and abusive.
How do these women even like the options? What's wrong with you ladies????
It's like women are such simpletons that you give them two hot guys and they lose their brains. Hots > brains???
They're still looking for them.
What I Love-Hate:
The trailer song. It's enigmatic and beautiful and haunting. I love these kinds of melodies. Two steps from hell, Audiomachine, X Ray Dog, etc....Love the songs from these groups - and often found in movie trailers.
Makes me sad that perfect music is used to promote terrible films. Oh, the power of music. Will convince us to watch garbage.
I won't say much else, but I will include two hilarious movie review videos on this below (highly recommend you watch because they're hilarious while explaining the few or many reasons why I - and rest of sane humanity - hated the film). But if you're feeling brave enough after all these years of avoiding it, you can go ahead and watch it..if not to enjoy the film itself, but at least to enjoy how terrible it is.
Want to read another movie review in the Teen genre?
Side Characters are more interesting:
Twilight Ending (no spoilers):
It was stupid.
Hishe video basically gives the ending I want (clip included in the links). Edward's reason for not letting nature take it's course.
I thought it was a lousy cop out to keep the series going. Besides, the end game is still the same...but now they have to drag it out through many movies to get to the exact same place.
Whatever. The whole movie was a joke so I guess it's only right to keep going the same route.
Edward Hates Twilight Series More Than All of Us:
Edward explains exactly why this movie is disturbing.
CinemaSins Explains why this movie sucks:
This Video explains everything that's wrong with it, and more. I figured, I'd just point you to people who really did their job explaining something better than me.
Honest Trailer: Must Watch + Staring Contest
Screen Junkies is life
I watch honest trailers of every movie they make.
Movies you watch are funnier, because you've seen the movie so it's more fun when they tear it apart for laughs.
I literally watch the honest trailers of the whole twilight series any time I feel sad about life. It lifts my spirits in seconds.
I am not joking. They are hilarious.
If you're going to watch any video from this article, it's this one.
Parody Movie Trailer!
Yes, I watch movies that parody other movies all the time. And I have to say, this movie was ten times more enjoyable than the twilight film.
If you want to watch a "twilight" film, but funnier...this is the way to go.
Dare to watch the Trailer:
Spoofs and Parodies for Sh*ts and Giggles:
- How Twilight Should Have Ended - YouTube
What if Edward had made that fateful decision another way? Here's how we think it should have played (plus a cameo from another favorite)! Discuss the movie ...
- Twilight The Music Video (Parody) - YouTube
Made by VenetianPrincess I DO NOT OWN!! Enjoy!Download the song here: http://www.vprincess.com/Twilight-Par... Bella vocals spoken & sung by: SkyDiamondz Mus...
- Kevin Pereira & Olivia Munn's Twilight Spoof - YouTube
Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn present their short spoof on Twilight for the Fantastic Fest in Austin, TX. For more from Comedy, go here: http://g4tv.com/atta...