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Used Organs For Sale

Updated on July 20, 2014

Before I get into detail on what I’ll be putting on the market, I’d like to point out that I did not come into possession of these organs illegally. They are my personal organs and I’ve had them in storage for a little over twenty-four years now. Each organ is made in the USA and manufactured in 1986. Most are as good as new, others have some wear and tear, but each organ comes with an implied guarantee. I won’t be asking for any certain price on these items and they’ll be sold to the highest bidder. Here are the following organs that I’m wanting to get rid of.

Liver

One liver for sale, 3 lbs, reddish brown in color. Good for storing and filtering blood. Liver is in good working condition and disease free. Comes with free gallbladder to store and concentrate secreted bile. Liver is also edible and will taste delicious when served with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Great for a romantic dinner. S/N Y01345433

Current Bid: $100.00

Small Intestine

One small intestine for sale, 6 meters in length (19 ft), and 2.5 cm in diameter. Good for digesting and absorbing food. Small intestine is like new and free of any infectious diseases. Can also be used for decorating or as a rope swing for the kids. S/N Y01345430

Current Bid: $0.00

Large Intestine

One large intestine for sale, 1.5 meters in length (4.9 ft). This is a must have for anyone putting together a digestive system or if you just want a fancy scarf. Can also be used as a jump rope. Large intestine runs great. Comes equiped with a colon to extract water and salt from solid wastes. Also included in this package deal is a cecum, a pouch that connects the colon to the large intestine. Pouch can be detached and doubles as a coin purse. S/N Y01345432

Current Bid: $0.01

Balls

Two balls for sale, average sized, hardly used. Comes with free bag for easy storage when purchased as a pair and not separately. Balls are not made of brass, so handle with care. Choking hazard. S/N Y01345438-9

Current Bid: $502.00 & one 12 pack of beer

Nerves

Nerves for sale. Good for coordinating actions and transmitting signals throughout the body. Will not work without a brain. Purchase this item if you want to have a lot of nerve or just as a gift. Perfect for someone without feelings. S/N Y01345436

Current Bid: $0.05

Brain

One brain for sale, gray in color, weighs about 3 lbs. Brain has never been used. Password protected and I forgot the password. Can be reprogrammed. Good for coming up with ideas or as a paperweight. Brain is a little dirty. Brainwash needed. Perfect for mad scientists who need to give their creation life. Brain is tumor free, but might have schizophrenia. For ages 3 and up. S/N 01345437

Current Bid: $0.04

Skin

Skin for sale. This is the largest organ for purchase. White in color with some tanned spots. Skin has been worn. Has several scars and freckles, but is in good working condition. Includes a lot of body hair. Skin can be used as a suit and can be tailored to fit. Size 32 waist and 34 length. Perfect for a Halloween costume. May need some underarm deodorant. S/N Y01345440

Current Bid: $0.00

Lungs

Lungs for sale, come as a pair. Cannot be sold separately. Can hold air for approximately 32 seconds. Lungs produce carbon dioxide which may or may not be bad for the environment. S/N Y01345435

Current Bid: $60.00

Heart

One heart for sale, red in color, about the size of a fist. Heart has been broken and might require a little repair. Can be fixed with love. Perfect for someone who’s heartless or just needs a change of heart. Can be used to pump blood or as a stress ball. A great gift idea. S/N Y01345442

Current Bid: $1.00

Free Stomach

One free stomach. Present owner is abusive and hardly feeds it. Free to a good home. Likes spaghetti and Subway.

That’s all the organs I’m willing to sell at this time. Shipping and handling is free. First 5 buyers will receive a free organ not mentioned on this list, so act today and while supplies last. Don't forget to place a bid and add the S/N for the item you wish to purchase. Thank you for your interest.

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    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 5 years ago from Tennessee

      @Chris Hugh- I wasn't born with a feline urinary tract, unfortunately, but I'm sure I can find a cat who's willing to donate. $700 is a lot of money. I'll get you one for $350. Yes, it's a deal, and you're welcome.

      @nicomp- Thanks for having my back on this one, and I'm glad you're working on commission, because I can't afford to pay you right now until this buisness is completely off the ground. By the way, you get an employee discount.

      @Tom Koecke- That would be a good investment, and I'd totally give you the finger if I could. I'm kind of attached to it, though. I'm not a licensed firearms dealer, so any gamma ray disintigrator guns I might sell you would have to be done away from this hub, so that I don't get in trouble. Feel free to contact me and we'll do this deal under the table and off the books.

    • Tom Koecke profile image

      Tom Koecke 5 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

      Well, if it's a tax write off, I could use a spare middle finger I can mount to the outside of my van to subtly flip off people who piss me off without my passengers being aware of it. I know it's not really an organ, but it would have business use.

      If not that, I really want a gamma ray disintigrator gun, if you happen to have one of those laying around.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Combining shipping is no problem as long as all the organs fit into a cooler. We could probably make you a deal on an entire used cat, but I'd have to talk to my manager. You're really making me work for this commission.

    • profile image

      Chris Hugh 5 years ago

      Do you combine shipping?

      Also, would you happen to have a feline urinary tract available? I've spent $700 on Twitch's vintage original model in the last four days and he thinks it's time for an upgrade.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 5 years ago from Tennessee

      @Tom Koecke- Sorry to mislead you with the word organ, but you could always spend your piano money on some of my body parts. If I told you they were a tax write off, would that influence your decision any?

    • Tom Koecke profile image

      Tom Koecke 5 years ago from Tacoma, Washington

      I wish you luck, Q. I was hoping to find a Wurlitzer.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 5 years ago from Tennessee

      @nicomp- I would be delighted. Seems the only options for getting organs today is either the black market (in which case you don't know what you're getting) or getting them donated by someone who's about to die (but who wants to wait around for that?). I think it's about time someone turned this into a legitamate buisness. I'm sure there's people who don't need organs, but simply want one as a pet to keep in an aquarium. It is our duty to serve all of these people's needs. If we become millionaires in the process, so be it.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      If you would like to collaborate with me, the domain CellFax.com is available. An RFID tag on the organ and a QR code on the forehead of the 'caretaker' of that organ will go a long way toward addressing this issue.

      Either that, or Congress gets involved.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 5 years ago from Tennessee

      @nicomp- All used organs should come with CarFax, so you know how many owners it had. I would think that if a kidney kept passing hands, that it could survive for hundreds of years, as long as it had a host to keep it alive. Might get a kidney from some civil war fellow.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      So true, I was following a second-hand kidney on OBay and it turned out to be in such poor condition that even David Crosby would refuse it.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 5 years ago from Tennessee

      @nicomp- Yes, but just remember, you get what you pay for (obviously). All these organs are certified one-owner, and you never know with OBay.

    • nicomp profile image

      nicomp really 5 years ago from Ohio, USA

      Much better deals are available on OBay.com

    • Catsandogs profile image

      Catsandogs 5 years ago from Victoria, Australia

      You're funny.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      No I haven't seen it that I recall, but I did just go into Netflix and add it to my Q..er.. queue. I bumped it to the top so it'll come with my next shipment. I'll review.

      First time I heard about over the moon was from this sweet girl with an English accent who got her make up product picked up by a large company, now she's famous! She just kept saying "I'm over the Moon" in her cute voice! While I thought it was an adorable saying, I thought.. Wow, it must be WAY cooler than over the rainbow cos first all the cows went there, now people are! And only Dorothy went over the rainbow, and we know how that turned out! Chased by a scary witch, getting snowed on my poppies, locked up in a castle by flying monkey's.. I dunno. I'm thinking over the moon must be a much more fun place to be. Although I still liked that horse of a different color, especially when it was purple. Maybe later I'll give Roger Waters a call and see what he thinks.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Yeah, we should ask the cow, I guess. Or the little dog who laughed to see such fun. But was it fun? We need to talk to that cow and find out these things. Maybe the cow didn't think it was fun at all. Maybe he thought it was a bad idea.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Q - maybe we need to ask the cow? Wasn't it he who jumped over the moon?

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- Have you ever seen the movie Moon? It's about clones and it's great. I have several clones and they're just as lazy as me. Go figure.

      Realhousewife- I'm over the moon, too. I'm not sure what it means, but I figured I'd jump on the bandwagon.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Good idea! I'm over the moon I'm getting 3 body parts from Q! I mean that really IS over the moon! Ever see The Stand -Steven King? "M-o-o-n spells moon" "B-e-e-r spells Moon" LOL! Ah!!! Superherohubbers are OVER THE MOON!! Yeah cool! We rock! lol :)

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I like it too Kat - lets start saying it everywhere!

      I'm over the moon about that!

      Just like that see? Lol

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      I don't think I've every seen seven pounds, but I'll put it in my Queue. (my Q lol) It's ok that I scare people, I like doing that even when it's not Halloween.

      RH: I love that.. "I am over the moon" saying! I first heard it on my youtube account, looking up girls who apply make up/tips etc. And the one and only I subscribe to, she actually got picked up and got her own make up line!! Her make up tips are totally awesome, and at the end she says "Zoom Zoom" in her English accent, but when she got her own make up line, she said "I'm just over the moon" like 50 times LOL it was just too cute of a way of saying how happy she was! I have Brit friends with cool sayings and such but I liked over the moon, brings a whole new thought process to "the cow jumped over the moon" LOL I no longer associate cows with the moon LOL!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Q -I am over the moon:)!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      No problem... glad to help out so you know your balls are in good hands. Although you might want to check references... lol

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      I don't think I've every seen seven pounds, but I'll put it in my Queue. (my Q lol) It's ok that I scare people, I like doing that even when it's not Halloween.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- Lol. I was gonna say no, I can't accept HoHos, because they go straight to my a@@. But now I realize I won't have to worry about that. Thanks, and bid accepted.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- You're going to scare people if you carry my brain around in a jar, but I do like the idea. Since you mention movies a lot, I figured I'd throw one back at you. Have you seen Seven Pounds? About the guy who was giving away his organs... I just watched it, and I was like, hey, I'm doing that, too. But he was giving them away to good people who really needed them, and I thought that's what I should do. But then I wouldn't be getting that 10 cents from you, and I really need that 10 cents for rent.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Oh you are correct! I've got to bid before someone else gets your a@@ off the block! How about 15 bucks and a box of HO HO's? That's chocolate ya know?

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Barbergirl- Thanks for continuing to outbid people. It's nice to know my balls will be in good hands.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- I'm still waiting for a bid on my a@@. I don't know what kind of person you think I am, but I don't give a@@ for free. I'm not that kind of girl. Or guy, I mean. Wow, I almost forgot what gender I am. I'm kind of sad that I'll be kissing my a@@ goodbye. Just so you know, its name is Jack. Please be kind to it. Or rough. Jack don't care.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Ah, oh ok, well you're only 'kind of" correcting me cos you're are female and I said they are penny pinchers. But it was nice of you to not let it go through to save him on the rent thing! :) So you're nice but cheap! lol!

      I'm just glad I've not been outbid on the brain! It's going to be fun taking that to my doctor sand saying it needs to be examined too. I'm going to put it in a jar with colored water just Steve Martin did. I'll have to take it to my medical Dr. and not a shrink because I do want it to stay the same size.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Yeah BBG - I used to know someone who loved to say this (and particularly to me!) "everyone likes a little a@@ but no one likes a smart a@@"!!!! I bet you can not imagine anyone saying those kinds of things about me!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      Ha ha - why didn't I think of the a@@.... I could have used one of those too. I don't really have one... hence the need for the booty pop. I could have saved myself about $15 bucks if I had a little back... lol

      However, to correct Katherella, I really am a penny pincher. The bid on the balls went up so high because of Q's room mate. I felt bad because he would be out part of his rent if the bid went through. So really, I only outbid the previous bidder by $1 and a 6 pack... I needed to one up them, especially since I could use a pair of my own... lol

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Ok good don't allow any funny business going on back there now that it's mine!

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- Your a@@ is nearby. I'm keeping an eye on it. :P

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Hey Q - where's my a@@?

      Lol! Couldnt pass that one up!

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realousewife- You're welcome, and no, thank you!

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- If I had a set of impressive abs, then I'd definately do some modeling, but as it turns out, I don't. :( But at least I wouldn't have to pad the speedo. Just saying. And maybe saying too much already. Of course, if my balls sell, then I'll probably have to resort to some sort of pad, just to make up the loss.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Thank you Q!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      RH: I hate to correct you when you're not on the Superhero hub, but it's @$$! :) (And don't tell Q I said this but I think he's being pretty selfish with his @$$ cos of the built in Booty Pop! He could put a minimum bid of like .5 on it at least!)

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Sorry, I got carried away owning that Hello Kitty AK-47. I guess it shoots down more than MRE's and salt. I think you can sell them on the blackmarket though. And it's not even taxed! I'm very knowledgeable about Reaganomics.(movie quote alert) - Besides I thought they were alive, I told you I would need yours because mine was too irritable!

      I think you can sell organs, but I tried to sell one on there, and no takers. I had to put it on craigslist, and give it away for free to get it out of my house and a place for my make up desk (the vanity is just too small for all my stuff.) Plus I wanted a bigger mirror and drawer.

      And yes, the rules say they must be washed, but WHO ELSE would buy dirty socks? Yeah, no need to answer that as I already know. But no I'm thinking they probably want them to choke their chickens. I don't think they actually wear them on their feet. Oh, but Adam, you should totally donate your clothes you don't want to good will shops. They help people who cannot afford to shop in high price stores like Wal-Mart. I even shop there at resell & goodwill shops that is, not Wal-mart, I like Belks and JCPenny's better, they give me magic cards that I don't even need money for!!:) I love clothes made by ana, because the material is like that old shirt you've had for ages but can't part with, only ana is new. Plus, if you didn't know, you put them in a bag, put a price on it, keep the receipts and get a tax write off on them too!

      I thought you wanted to keep your $90. shirts! I'll tell you how you can get more money out of them, is by actually modeling them, and showing off your abs in the photo of them. Don't forget to add the measurements not just size. Try to look hot, and maybe want to wear a padded speedo.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Lol. I like your enthusiasm.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Your a@@ is mine!

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- No, it's a nice bum. lol. Has the built in booty pop. Some gay guy said it was the nicest he'd ever seen, so that's something, I guess. But yeah, my bum is a great purchase if you want to grab it.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- Seriously? I can sell my used socks on there? Uh, does it matter what I used the socks for? Don't ask, don't tell, I guess. But this is a good idea. I can sell my dirty socks online, which would save me having to wash them, and then I could use the money to buy new socks. Thanks for the info. I usually throw my old clothes away, because I can't stand the thought of someone else wearing them. Hey, maybe you could sell my $90 shirts for me.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Rudra- Hey, I was starting to think ebay was a good idea, and then Katharella went and shot it down. :( But are organs technically alive? I would think it'd be like selling car parts or something, so maybe selling organs is okay. I'll check into it.

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Well Q - I'm just trying to help you raise some money:). Know what? I'll switch. How about the butt? You gonna throw that up on the block? Mine is cracked. I could use a new one. I hope it's real big too! Don't sell me no skinny butt!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      The comment right above yours is about ebay. But it's against the law and eBay rules to sell anything alive, not puppies or kittens or animals, or even dirty underwear.

    • Rudra profile image

      Rudra 6 years ago

      hey, have you considered putting them on ebay. I am sure you will get some bids.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      No Adam, I guess since you don't know a much about my past, you don't know the in's and outs of resell! Auctions and targeting buyers. Since I've been doing this for almost 15 years, when I auction things off I tend to aim toward men and kids. Cos see, women are penny pinchers (no offense BBG) lol, and we try to get the best deals on stuff. Women tend to nickel and dime it, and men are more of the "I WANT THAT I'M DROPPING A HIGH BID ON IT." So that's why I have sold pages out of magazines in excess of $25. (to men) like of actresses they like or models. Some collect the photographers work. I buy magazines sometimes if it has someone who is popular at the given time. See BBG was Military, and that make her sort of aggressive when it comes to bidding, she was taught that and is just that way, that's why she dropped a high dollar bid on her items. So no, it's not that I don't think your stuff is worth less, I just go for "what if I have to resell them at some point I make money that way. I might of never mentioned that's how I saved for a downpayment for my house. Going to auctions. In fact I have a whole shed and upstairs full of stuff to sell. Plus there's things like "money in the bank" I might buy something of season or at a yard sale when I know I can sell it say, for a Halloween costume. Maybe to learn more about what I do with it, read my hub on how to make money hubpages.com/hub/makingebaymoney, you'll note that there are NO comments and only a couple of people answered in the poll, because everybody is out for an easy buck, and it is easy once you get in the groove of things, but it was apparent that only one person found it useful, they probably do resell, the other person is just flat out lazy! The other only easy way to make money is having someone give it to you! I did all the things and learn all those things over a few years, so it didn't come easy. But any time I see anything I can profit off of I do. Since I wrote that eBay has changed some because they were losing money due to all these other ways of making money, so I think you get like 5 free listings a month. They only take a portion out, and payment goes directly to my paypal account. So when I go to ship off whatever I sold, I take my paypal card to the post office and pay for their postage right there, and all the leftover money on the PP card is mine. Adam, this is going to really weird you out, but it's TRUE. You can sell your SOCKS to other men who have male foot fetishes. I tend to pick up oversized jewelry at yard sales JUST FOR MEN who cross dress. I had one guy praise me because he loved my oversize jewelry, and because he was a man, he needed things like earrings to be bigger. Old photos are another good sell. I sold 6 old snapshots that came in a $2. box lot at an auction down by the Ocean for like $20. because it was guys dressed up as girls, most likely for halloween. There's a lot to learn but it's easy if you really try to earn money at resell. I figured my aunt raised 4 kids doing it, I could do it for myself online and I did. Back before eBay got greedy and postage skyrocketed I was making nearly 3grand a month doing it, and that's how I saved for the house. Plus took many trips back n' forth to Michigan, and did a lot of sight seeing with just me and my dog. Now my parents have died, so I'll only go back there to visit with friends... after I get my house closing and stuff squared away! Cool huh! lol. Details are in that hub. So before you move out to Arizona, you might want to read that hub over if you plan on selling anything for real. :) really! lol

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      You're already giving away the free bag with them, it says so in the description.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Greenblood- This is just an auction, really, so it's not like I'm asking an extravagant price for them. But they would be worth something if they were actually made of brass. I'm not sure what I'd add with the balls to sweeten the deal. Maybe a set of pingpong paddles?

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Weird? What's weird about it. I need a large intestine and brains and nerves!

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- Thanks for the extra bids. Do you just want to buy my body wholesale for only 25 cents? You don't bid really high, do you. lol. Makes me think you don't think my organs are worth anything.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- I'm really sensitive about my man boobs. Why would you bring that up? Those are actually included in the skin package. I'm keeping my muscles, though. I worked hard for those. And I'm getting rid of my skin, so everyone can see my muscles.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Jackattack- Thanks. You're the first person to find this weird, or the first to openly admit that it's weird. I think it's weird, too, so I'm the second person to openly admit that. You can buy anything on the Internet these days, huh.

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      IzzyM- Thanks. I thought it was a good idea at first, but now some people are showing a real interest in some of these items, and I might just have to go through with it.

    • Greenblood profile image

      Greenblood 6 years ago from Toronto, Canada

      Why balls are so expensive ? It may need some promotion ...may be a free gift if you want to sell it. I think used balls may have higher value in the market too ..

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      @RH.. wow, ya know, now that you mention it, I bet he sold those before he put up the auction!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I still can't decide.....see Q - I think ya done sold it all! Now what'cha gonna throw up on that block? How bout some man boobs? Got any O those?

    • profile image

      jackattack360 6 years ago

      weird but cool and funny

    • IzzyM profile image

      IzzyM 6 years ago from UK

      What a brilliant idea for a hub! Well done!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      I'm thinking I better bid on the brains and the nerves before someone else does. .05 for the nerves and .04 for the brains because I do have a tshirt that says I hear voices and they don't like you. I wear it to my psychiatrist office and wear sunglasses in the waiting room. When someone laughs I sit straight faced. After all I'm only there for the drugs to keep the voices quiet. My nerves get quite frazzled, so I could possibly need them in the future. Oh I just love auctions! It's almost like shopping only you don't even need the magic card!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Yeah a real card he was.. I think he came out of a tarot deck because how many kids do you know that have to spell "Khrushchev" before they can go out and play! Or name 5 seas, and know that Greenland is Ice and Iceland is Green! But yeah, actually Q's humor kinda reminds me of my dad because he would say those things and not crack a smile! Plus I was the spoiled one cos I was the "oops" child. I had a good daddy I miss him. Well, before he started shittin' his pants. ::sigh:: :)

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Kat - your dad sounds like he was a card! My step dad that raised me was too. He was always keeping us in stitches. Except when he was ticked about something a little maybe bad that I did:) lol! I did lots of crazy junk. I never got into too much trouble though because he could never help laughing at me. It's hard to stay mad at someone when they make you laugh. I used that one in my favor!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Well, thanks for some credit, but Q is the funny one, he just leaves himself wide open! My dad always said 'never pass up a chance.' Not sure what he meant by that. BBG is funny, hey maybe someday we'll be a stand up comedy routine, but I'm not going to sell my innards on the black market even if it's not taxed. (that's soo totally meta) -I guess I'll do a movie and quotes so you get them too!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      ::::::::::omg::::::::::::you:::::::are:::::::::too::::::::::funny:::::::::Kat:::::::!!!!!!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Hey I was just reading the rules on the balls. If you guys split them, then neither of you get the free bag!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      :::thought cloud::: wonders if splitting balls is making Q cringe.......

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      If you meet a nice contortionist let me know. Maybe they will uh my bed. Haha!

      Hey this tune just POPped into my head, "I split some balls and I liked it"!

      LOL

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      I like the idea of splitting the balls - I know Q won't like his balls being separate but maybe they can visit each other on road trips... lol... besides, that means only half a 12 pack cost. We can split the deal :)

      Besides, I can probably make alot of money has a female with one ball... or I can just find a job in the circus... hmmmmm the possibilities!

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      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      OH how cool is that! We have a Parrot gallery..er.. I mean audience! I think they're secretly heckling us. (Get them to bid on the brains! They might clog up the gutters, and no house should have clogged up gutters with it coming springtime!) Or Q did you mean gutter as in the kind on the roadside?

      RH: Do you think your Parrots have anything to do with Hitchcock's The Birds? That's creepy if they do! Tell them you'll bid on Q's brains so they don't clog gutters! Then they can pick his brains! That'll keep them from biting you!

      Q: You did get the sharpie out right? I mean, if it's going to house a shiv, it can't have to sharp objects in there or the head might fall into your abdominal cavity and be lost forever! Worse yet, go into the small intestine and I don't think anybody bid on that and you might throw it away on accident.. I mean before I get a chance to look around and find it.

      Oh back to the Parrots, how many words do they know? I'm asking cos I wouldn't suggest them knowing the word "Butcher" because they might get scared and really bite you! If they understand that tell them they'll be able to pick brains, but you'll wash them if they get too icky from the gutter.

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      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I laughed again, they laughed again, you didn't realize you had an audience tonight did you? I dont think the parrots care if they are fat. They want me to be fat. Each morning I notice they like to gently bite my finger and they do this several times. I do believe they are sampling me. They are planning on making a meal out of me.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewifi- Of course, it's animals. Including parrots. Are those parrots laughing now? Tell them I'm only kidding. They're not fat enough to eat. They can take that as a compliment if they want.

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      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      So Q - is it animals? LOL

      Totally kidding, I'm laughing, the parrots are laughing!

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- My intestine has your name on it. I stuck a Sharpie up there and wrote it in big letters. So no worries. Just as long as we have an understanding and I get that head you promised me.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Tina- Thanks for dropping by. Hang around after the aution's over. Whatever organs don't get sold are going in the dumpster and you might be able to pick something nice out of there for free. Cross your fingers. There just might be a brain. Even though that'll be in the gutter and not the dumpster.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- Yeah, I'm a butcher. So all my dreams came true. I'm a butcher of the English language at times. Yeah, I think BBG is pretty determined to get that item, so maybe you'd be interested in the brain, instead. You can still hang that from your porch or whatever.

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      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Well Kat I think it was an accident! BBG was our of town when I made my bid errrrr or maybe I missed hers - either way we are all heroes and I would give them to BBG. I will find another orggan to bid on. After all, they are a choking hazard! LOL

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Hi Tina, please don't outbid me on the large intestine! I'll need it if I ever go to prison. :)

      RH: Oh it's rude to bid against a fellow hubber! But that's between you two! But remember we must have some morals if we're going to break rules on being a Superhero!

      Q: Geeeeze, already I said you can have the friggin' head to your toy back! Sheesh, crybaby! And anyway I told you I need it, because my Dr. told me mine is mad at me and irritable! I have to keep it calm! So ok don't injure it more with the rest of the toy! Sheesh!

      TINA: Hi, please don't outbid me on the large intestine, because I told Q I'd give the head to a toy he swallowed back. (but I don't really plan on it but don't tell him) Please feel free to hop hubs of ours and become a friend! :) We're really good we have a Superhero club so we can protect you! (but be careful of Q! He is thinking of becoming an evil supervillan and we'll have epic battles of good and evil) .. and you know who always wins in good vs. evil! :)

    • Granny's House profile image

      Granny's House 6 years ago from Older and Hopefully Wiser Time

      LOL, very funny and clever. Well done!

      Tina

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Katharella - ha! Lol! Poor brother os kinda short! He is really cute though!

      Q - are you seriously a butcher? Cool!

      BBG - I also have bid on the balls! Can we just split them? I mean one ball is better than none right?

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      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      BG- I have you down for a 12 pack. I like the idea of getting beer for my organs. I bet a lot of homeless guys would like that kind of deal, too. These balls could probably pass for fake eyes if you painted them up a little.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- I'm not swallowing the rest of my action figure. That's impossible. I'll have to insert it elsewhere. It might damage that part of the intestine, though.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      OH I have the perfect comeback to set the hubby at ease! Tell them you meant to say EYEballs! LOL Then when he asked then why you have balls and eyes, simply say, you had no idea they were separate! Then give them that "I don't get it either" look!

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      You guys are too funny. I am still going for the balls... why - cause I think it would be fun to have an extra set around... ha ha - I bid $502 and a 12 pack. Although I am thinking the 12 pack will definately seal the deal.

      About the 3 eyes... I don't believe they are in need of replacing yet. They never really worked so I guess it would be weird to have one that did. Hmmmm.... besides, I am not much of a shopper and my husband would kill me if I bought another thing... especially since I have already bid on the balls! LOL

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Q: NO! You can't bid back on your own actions! It's not only not fair but it's against the law! But like I said, you can buy the head back, provided you still want it if the shiv doesn't get to it first. But if you say you'll buy it back, it's "as is."

      Try swallowing the rest of the doll and I'll cut hehe "cut" ya a better deal. That is if the shiv don't get to it first.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhousewife- I was going to make a dwarf joke about your half brother, but now I won't, since Kathy came up with something better. I've never hit a deer with my car, but people called me the deerslayer, too, actually. Probably because I shot like 9 deer one hunting season. But I don't hunt, anymore. Stopped as soon as I became a meat cutter. I guess my thirst for blood was satisfied. Or maybe I just got sensitive.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- I was wondering if you were going to pick up on that head thing. lol. Should I make a bid or something?

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      RH: What'd you do with the other half of your brother?

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      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      My half brother has hit like 4 deer near my moms house. His car was in the shop being repaired and he drove my moms BMW - yep he hit a deer with that one too. I'm getting vewy vewy supicious!

      I call him "the deer slayer".!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Q: And besides I never give head for free! What kinda girl do you think I am! Sheeesh! I run a Superhero club ya know!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      I forget, did she say she had 3 eyes?

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      OH I know someone who'll buy the worms too. Wow I'm a great shopper when it comes to deals!!! Ok ok ok... $15. ONLY if you don't plan on selling the whole action figure!

    • What Is Q profile image
      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- What? lol. How about you just sell them to Barbergirl in case she ever loses the 3 eyes she has already.

    • What Is Q profile image
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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- That's not very nice. It's like that show where people bid on abandoned storage buildings or whatever. If you don't give me that head for free, I'm going to add some worms to my intestine deal as a surprise.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Oh, you musta posted that before I finished. I have 3 glass eyes (from an auction REALLY NOT KIDDING LOL) so if you need one, we could just shift them around or play marble games with them. I have them in an old fashion eye glass. I used to think they were to rinse something out of your eye, but now I'm thinking they used them like those things people put their fake teeth in. Now I'm getting creeped out by them.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Q!!!! No fair! When you buy something at auction, you get contents! I'll sell ya the action figure head for $20. cos that's one thing I do, is buy and sell... from auctions.

      OH I loved Identity! Great flick! Although I don't like Cusak as a person, he's really full of himself, I'm guessing he really does have shifty eyes in real life even with out a shiv.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Realhauoasaeife- Yes, really weird. It's like they're looking at a fly and not at you. I know a guy who has a glass eye and for the life of me, I can never remember which one it is. It weirds me out. Thanks for the joke. Yeah, possum are too dumb to figure out how to cross a road by themselves. It's a very challenging process for some animals. Like deer, they get halfway across and then forget what side they were crossing to, so they just stop there and get ran over. It's sad.

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      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Too funny Q! It is weird isn't it? I've seen a guy in the lab with it, he scared me!

      I was looking for a hub of yours this weekend - couldn't find it. It had the chicken that crossed the road jokes. I heard one for you this weekend, so here goes:

      Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum how!

      I thought of you! Sweet!

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      Author

      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      Kathy- I feel like I'm getting screwed because I'm only getting a penny for my large intestine. Do you know how many pennies I've swallowed in my life? There's probably still some in there, lodged in my intestine. You're going to buy this thing for a penny, open it up, and find another penny and make your money back. You'll probably also find the head of an action figure. If you do, please mail that back to me, because I still have the rest of the body and it's a collectable, but not without the head. And I guess I should start on a dumb hub to pass my initiation, because everything I write is pretty serious.

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      Adam 6 years ago from Tennessee

      RealHousewife- That shifty eye thing or whatever is extrememely creepy. There's this actor that has that problem. He was in Identity. Maybe you know who I'm talking about. But I'd definately stay away from someone like that.