Used Organs For Sale

Before I get into detail on what I’ll be putting on the market, I’d like to point out that I did not come into possession of these organs illegally. They are my personal organs and I’ve had them in storage for a little over twenty-four years now. Each organ is made in the USA and manufactured in 1986. Most are as good as new, others have some wear and tear, but each organ comes with an implied guarantee. I won’t be asking for any certain price on these items and they’ll be sold to the highest bidder. Here are the following organs that I’m wanting to get rid of.

One liver for sale, 3 lbs, reddish brown in color. Good for storing and filtering blood. Liver is in good working condition and disease free. Comes with free gallbladder to store and concentrate secreted bile. Liver is also edible and will taste delicious when served with fava beans and a nice Chianti. Great for a romantic dinner. S/N Y01345433

Current Bid: $100.00

One small intestine for sale, 6 meters in length (19 ft), and 2.5 cm in diameter. Good for digesting and absorbing food. Small intestine is like new and free of any infectious diseases. Can also be used for decorating or as a rope swing for the kids. S/N Y01345430

Current Bid: $0.00

One large intestine for sale, 1.5 meters in length (4.9 ft). This is a must have for anyone putting together a digestive system or if you just want a fancy scarf. Can also be used as a jump rope. Large intestine runs great. Comes equiped with a colon to extract water and salt from solid wastes. Also included in this package deal is a cecum, a pouch that connects the colon to the large intestine. Pouch can be detached and doubles as a coin purse. S/N Y01345432

Current Bid: $0.01

Two balls for sale, average sized, hardly used. Comes with free bag for easy storage when purchased as a pair and not separately. Balls are not made of brass, so handle with care. Choking hazard. S/N Y01345438-9

Current Bid: $502.00 & one 12 pack of beer

Nerves for sale. Good for coordinating actions and transmitting signals throughout the body. Will not work without a brain. Purchase this item if you want to have a lot of nerve or just as a gift. Perfect for someone without feelings. S/N Y01345436

Current Bid: $0.05

One brain for sale, gray in color, weighs about 3 lbs. Brain has never been used. Password protected and I forgot the password. Can be reprogrammed. Good for coming up with ideas or as a paperweight. Brain is a little dirty. Brainwash needed. Perfect for mad scientists who need to give their creation life. Brain is tumor free, but might have schizophrenia. For ages 3 and up. S/N 01345437

Current Bid: $0.04

Skin for sale. This is the largest organ for purchase. White in color with some tanned spots. Skin has been worn. Has several scars and freckles, but is in good working condition. Includes a lot of body hair. Skin can be used as a suit and can be tailored to fit. Size 32 waist and 34 length. Perfect for a Halloween costume. May need some underarm deodorant. S/N Y01345440

Current Bid: $0.00

Lungs for sale, come as a pair. Cannot be sold separately. Can hold air for approximately 32 seconds. Lungs produce carbon dioxide which may or may not be bad for the environment. S/N Y01345435

Current Bid: $60.00

One heart for sale, red in color, about the size of a fist. Heart has been broken and might require a little repair. Can be fixed with love. Perfect for someone who’s heartless or just needs a change of heart. Can be used to pump blood or as a stress ball. A great gift idea. S/N Y01345442

Current Bid: $1.00

One free stomach. Present owner is abusive and hardly feeds it. Free to a good home. Likes spaghetti and Subway.

That’s all the organs I’m willing to sell at this time. Shipping and handling is free. First 5 buyers will receive a free organ not mentioned on this list, so act today and while supplies last. Don't forget to place a bid and add the S/N for the item you wish to purchase. Thank you for your interest.