Weird People Who Sent me Messages on Valentine's Day
I, for one, did not have a Valentine this year. I did, however, receive a spike in the number of messages I received on my online dating profile on Valentine's Day and the few days after. I deleted twenty of them before I realized this might make great material. But I think I have enough left though to go ahead with the article. The following is why I've been reluctant to leave my house after Valentine's Day. All these people are out there, unaccounted for, and looking for love, from me, and possibly you. Beware.
Valentine's Day Desperation
Positives
| Negatives
| |
---|---|---|
Blank Army Guy #1
| Serving our country
| Obviously not 6'1. Probably doesn't talk in complete sentences.
|
Guy with Weird Shaped Head
| Artsy
| It really doesn't look like it's just the camera angle.
|
Pale Guy with Mullet Wearing Suit
| Offers to help with chores in profile.
| Mullet
|
Blank Army Guy #2
| Serving our Country
| Looks exactly like a guy who has a completely different profile. Multiple personality disorder?
|
Short Bearded Biker Gang Guy
| ?
| Mentions his Harley 5 times on his profile. I feel insecure.
|
Stylish Thug
| Sytlish
| Thug
|
Blank Army Guy #3
| Serving our country
| Obviously doesn't have an athletic body type.
|
Message Content
Mostly I received:
- "Hello"
- "Hey :)"
- "Hi, how are you?"
- "Hello beautiful."
And that was the entire message. And one:
- "I would love to sleep with u." Creeper.
Post-Valentine's Day Desperation
Positives
| Negatives
| |
---|---|---|
Blank Army Guy #3
| Serving our country
| Bushy super-arched eyebrows. How does this happen when you obviously don't pluck them?
|
Guy Who is Obviously Gay
| Shopping buddy?
| Gay. Not that I have a problem with that generally. But change your MSF!
|
Guy Who is Obviously 5' 0"
| He's my height!
| He's a liar!
|
Cougar Meat #1
| Could use him for child labor.
| Younger than me. Looks like he's 12.
|
Guy Who Obviously Lied About His Age
| Stated Age: 29
| Real Age: 45+
|
Bald Redneck Guy
| Nice collection of wife-beaters.
| Doesn't know how to use sunscreen.
|
Latino with Orange Spray Tan
| He works out.
| Dude, you already have a tan.
|
Guy with Hairy Chest
| ?
| Message: "Nice legs!"
|
Guy with Picture Cropped 75%
| Nice 1/4 of your face.
| What are you hiding? I love The Phantom of the Opera though.
|
Did I miss the mark?
What do you think of my observations?
And I just deleted 100% of my inbox.
Did you get any bad/funny messages on Valentine's Day?