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What is 'Sex in the City' Actually About? Friendship

Updated on August 23, 2017
Kathleen Cochran profile image

Kathleen Cochran is a writer & former newspaper reporter/editor who traveled the world as a soldier's better half. Her works are on Amazon.


I Came to the Party a Little Late

I am probably the only female in America who didn't see a single episode of the hit television series, "Sex in the City" when it was on HBO. But a few years after it ended I saw the movie, the first one. I enjoyed it, so the next year I caught some of the reruns of the TV show on cable. But I missed how the series ended, so I bought the last season on video and watched it all in a weekend. (In all fairness, my husband was out of the country, not only for that weekend, but for the eighteen months after that weekend too.)

SITC became a companion to me during that time. I saw the entire series three times in the course of that contract. All this is to say that, I might have come late to the party, but I have ended up getting to know the characters of this show extremely well.

From the title of the series, you could easily make the mistake of thinking it was about sex. But you'd be wrong. What it is actually about is relationships and not between men and women but between women. It should have been called "Friendships in the City," but something tells me HBO wouldn't have had a hit on their hands with that title. And we probably wouldn't still be watching the reruns twenty years later.


I'm one of four friends who've been together since junior high. I've written about this gaggle of girls in one of my first hubs. I also have two other female friends (do we have male friends - sorry - material for a different hub) who I may even be closer to than these four. But the dynamic of being part of a "group friendship" is a different experience altogether. Someone is always available. In a crisis, it's all hands on deck. You pull together even though it is very likely that if it had just been any two of you trying to be friends, it might not have stood the test of time. The interconnectivity of the foursome sometimes brings people into an intimate relationship who would never have ended up even as friends on their own. Case in point: Samantha and Charlotte in the show. Can you see them talking over their problems at a table for only two? It wouldn't have ever happened.

In the television show and movie, the four women live near each other. (Sam has her adventure in Hollywood, but she eventually returns.) With my foursome, I was usually the one living far away during my Army wife decades. But for the past 20 years we've all been within an easy drive of each other. With retirement staring us in the face, the unthinkable has happened. One of us remarried and moved to South Carolina. One finally was free of shared custody with an abusive father and fled to Florida with her son. And one sold everything and is about to move to Ireland to be near her daughter and grandchild-to-come. All these changes have happened within the past year.

The Test of Time

Am I worried about my connection to these life-long friends? Do I fear I'll loose touch with them and no longer know or be concerned about their daily lives? Not even a little bit. We live in a world of Facebook and SKYPE. I'll still hear their jokes, see pix of their pets, and share words of inspiration. All things considered, we have it easy. If we had to depend on the pony express, we'd surely die strangers.

I have no doubt I'm taking these changes so stoically because I have the comfort of my two other close friends who are staying put. Still, I'm not about to write off my own foursome of friends. No, not Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda, and Samantha. I may not have the designer clothes, or the gallery openings, or the fashionable restaurants to keep me going. (Or the new every week, hot dates - but come to think of it, all those Sex in the City gals ended on with just one man by the close of the TV series.)

But I do have the thing the series was really all about:

Friendships that stand the test of time.

Soul Mates


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    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 23 months ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Paula: I recycled this because a year ago it didn't get many views. I think the subject is timeless. Here's to all my gal pals on HP!

    • fpherj48 profile image

      Paula 23 months ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

      Kathleen....You would not be the only female in America who did not see a single episode of "Sex in the City," and here I am. Unlike you, I haven't even seen the movies. I'm familiar with the 4 lovely young women in this series because frankly, to not know their names & faces is to live under a rock.

      Of course I would also pick up on all the Sex in the City chit-chat going on all around me. Believe me Kathleen I do know why you felt you were the lone female who didn't follow. This is exactly what I thought. The strange thing is that even though I kept wondering what I was missing, I was never compelled to tune in.

      (I also found myself on the outside-looking-in during the "Twilight" fever period!)

      In any event Kathleen, I do relate to the "friends" & bonding & "support" situation that IMHO no woman should be without!! I enjoyed reading about your personal experiences in terms of the treasured "Girl thing." We never outgrow this!! Peace, Paula

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      It helps to write about this subject because I have friends like those in the show. Glad you found and enjoyed this hub. Thanks for commenting.

    • CatherineGiordano profile image

      Catherine Giordano 2 years ago from Orlando Florida

      I realy enjoyed reading your take on "Sex in the City" and group friendships. The movies were terrible. but the series, especially the first couple of seasons were great. I watched faithfully every Sunday and every Sunday, I said "That happened to me. " Voted up ++

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      peachpurple: It is nice to know I'm not alone!

    • peachpurple profile image

      peachy 2 years ago from Home Sweet Home

      U r not the only only one. I have not seen sex in the city either but heard of it

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      It was. even though I never watched a single episode until the movie came out. Still enjoy the reruns. The sexual exploits are fun, but it's the friendship that is the structure of the continuing story. Thanks for commenting.

    • scoop profile image

      scoop 2 years ago

      I agree with you! This show was about friendships that lasts and lasts. It was actually a really good show!

    • Kathleen Cochran profile image

      Kathleen Cochran 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Sex sells and HBO sure knew what they were doing. But even at the end of the first movie, it was the friendship that was celebrated. Not so much in the second movie, but it was still an undercurrent theme.

      I think this theme stood out for me because I first saw the show on a PG-13 channel instead of no-holds-barred HBO.

    • EuroCafeAuLait profile image

      Anastasia Kingsley 2 years ago from Croatia, Europe

      Dear Kathleen... yes, you nailed it. I remember the photo that all four women posed for at Charlotte and Trey's swanky New York wedding... that was the true wedding portrait. With Carrie's misadventures with Big, Sam's outrageous-ness Charlotte's sweetness and Miranda's quirkiness, the friendship stays constant. So lovely to behold :)

    • poetryman6969 profile image

      poetryman6969 2 years ago

      It's not about sex?

      I think I will create a series called Headless Rainbow Zombie Space Aliens and have it be about making sweaters for poodles, cat waxers and cookies for cockatoos!

    • phdast7 profile image

      Theresa Ast 2 years ago from Atlanta, Georgia

      Interesting and illuminating. I never saw a single episode either, because I didn't have HBO. Truth be told, what with teaching and time constraints, its probably not a show I would have invested time in anyway. I assumed it was all about beautiful women with too much time and money having lots of sex. :)

      Speaking of revisiting things. Benjamin recently added me to his Netflix account and so I have started re-watching from the beginning, SAVING GRACE. Not everyone's cup of tea... lots of sex and violence (criminal / cop kind), and religion / faith.

      Not a typical look at religion, but still some excellent points and questions, too. I found it compelling then and I still find it compelling now. :)

      Good Hub. Sharing,