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Why I Would Like To Pull A Russell Brand

Updated on November 18, 2013

Disclaimer:

Please do not attempt any of these suggestions at home or work due to the fact that no matter how much you want to you will most assuredly be the one to clock your boss in the head! Perhaps something random would shatter and in the immortal words of A Christmas Story..." You'll shoot your eye out kid!"

Source

Oh Russell!

No doubt you heard this week how actor/comic and soon to be ex of pop star Katy Perry had a bit of a meltdown. Paparazzi snapped a picture of him out with a friend and apparently Russell was not happy with this. Craving a bit of privacy he grabbed the cell phone and chucked it through the window of a nearby building. I think the window was not intended as a target but incidents like this tend to play out when we have had enough and lose our cool. I would like to come to the defense of sorts to Mr. Brand, after a trying week with modern technology myself.

Wouldn't a day without cell phones be nice?
Wouldn't a day without cell phones be nice? | Source
Why won't this stupid connection work any faster?
Why won't this stupid connection work any faster? | Source

I Just Want To Write!

So after a busy week and very few opportunities to sit down and write, I finally had a free precious hour, yes one hour, maybe two, before crashing into the bed and starting the grind again. Ahh, the sweet endorphins of the fingers hitting the keys! Turn on the computer, check. Wait a good four minutes for everything to fire up, check. Internet connection...Internet connection...Inter... finally check. Log into HubPages, check. Lose connection, wait, lose connection? No! The clock is ticking. This scenario played out for about the next forty five minutes. Gone were the good endorphins, enter " I want to throw this computer out the window rage." After finally figuring out my connectivity problems, I picture myself as the female Yosemite Sam. Tarnation! Darn fa'lootin! Flabbergastin! You get the idea.

Sometimes, I would truly like to my scale flying through the air,  or at least flying into pieces as I smash it with a sledgehammer.
Sometimes, I would truly like to my scale flying through the air, or at least flying into pieces as I smash it with a sledgehammer. | Source

Ban The Digital Scale!

Like millions of other Americans I am overweight. I have learned the hard way, there are no quick fixes. With so much to lose, a pound or two can drive me over the edge. I own a digital scale, you must first tap lightly with your toe for it to read zero and then step on. After a week of diligence and extra exercising you expect to see a small triumph. You just might depending on where you place the scale. First thing in the morning before I have eaten or dressed, I step upon said scale. What the? Up half a pound! How is this possible? Wait let me just move it to the left. Up two pounds! No, no, no, something is just not right here. Just move it back some...down one pound! How do I know which is right? Is it possible I burned thirty five hundred calories with all my exercise moving the scale? Enter Yosemite Samantha. Dagnabbit! Confound it! Stupid, stupid scale! I truly feel enough anger to pick up that scale and slam it to kingdom come!

Oh, Am I Interupting Your Call?

When we were children we were taught it was rude to take a call during dinner. How about while driving, shopping, talking, learning, church or a funeral? How about when your server comes to your table checking his phone while you are ordering in a restaurant? (yep that actually happened to me.) A pet peeve of mine is when people are in a line at the grocery store and can't get off the phone long enough to acknowledge their cashier or heaven forbid vice versa! While we are on this subject, I already told you I am trying to lose weight. Don't snap my picture with your phone while I am stuffing my lunch in my face! Give me a moment to suck it all in and give you my best side with the least love handles. So put that in your digital picture frame and hang it!

Do you ever feel stressed from too much technology?

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    • profile image

      Neeserg 5 years ago

      Love it! I too dream of a day where I don't have to use ANY technology or, if I have to use, it it all works properly.

    • Cosmic Bus profile image
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      Cosmic Bus 5 years ago from Maryland

      Thanks Neeserg! Its good too know I am an not alone.

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      lockett777 5 years ago

      As long as I have another Lockett around to ensure all is well in the techno world, I enjoy the benefits of the various computer widgets. However, were it not for my dear tech support, I would likely still be using a rotary landline. And don't get me started on cell phone etiquette!!!!

    • Cosmic Bus profile image
      Author

      Cosmic Bus 5 years ago from Maryland

      I hear you Lisa! Thanks for reading!

    • profile image

      Emer420 5 years ago

      Haha. I loved this. I to would love to pull a Russel Brand at times. :)

    • Cosmic Bus profile image
      Author

      Cosmic Bus 5 years ago from Maryland

      Thanks for stopping by Emer420! Keep the suspense coming.

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