Why I Would Like To Pull A Russell Brand
Please do not attempt any of these suggestions at home or work due to the fact that no matter how much you want to you will most assuredly be the one to clock your boss in the head! Perhaps something random would shatter and in the immortal words of A Christmas Story..." You'll shoot your eye out kid!"
No doubt you heard this week how actor/comic and soon to be ex of pop star Katy Perry had a bit of a meltdown. Paparazzi snapped a picture of him out with a friend and apparently Russell was not happy with this. Craving a bit of privacy he grabbed the cell phone and chucked it through the window of a nearby building. I think the window was not intended as a target but incidents like this tend to play out when we have had enough and lose our cool. I would like to come to the defense of sorts to Mr. Brand, after a trying week with modern technology myself.
I Just Want To Write!
So after a busy week and very few opportunities to sit down and write, I finally had a free precious hour, yes one hour, maybe two, before crashing into the bed and starting the grind again. Ahh, the sweet endorphins of the fingers hitting the keys! Turn on the computer, check. Wait a good four minutes for everything to fire up, check. Internet connection...Internet connection...Inter... finally check. Log into HubPages, check. Lose connection, wait, lose connection? No! The clock is ticking. This scenario played out for about the next forty five minutes. Gone were the good endorphins, enter " I want to throw this computer out the window rage." After finally figuring out my connectivity problems, I picture myself as the female Yosemite Sam. Tarnation! Darn fa'lootin! Flabbergastin! You get the idea.
Ban The Digital Scale!
Like millions of other Americans I am overweight. I have learned the hard way, there are no quick fixes. With so much to lose, a pound or two can drive me over the edge. I own a digital scale, you must first tap lightly with your toe for it to read zero and then step on. After a week of diligence and extra exercising you expect to see a small triumph. You just might depending on where you place the scale. First thing in the morning before I have eaten or dressed, I step upon said scale. What the? Up half a pound! How is this possible? Wait let me just move it to the left. Up two pounds! No, no, no, something is just not right here. Just move it back some...down one pound! How do I know which is right? Is it possible I burned thirty five hundred calories with all my exercise moving the scale? Enter Yosemite Samantha. Dagnabbit! Confound it! Stupid, stupid scale! I truly feel enough anger to pick up that scale and slam it to kingdom come!
Oh, Am I Interupting Your Call?
When we were children we were taught it was rude to take a call during dinner. How about while driving, shopping, talking, learning, church or a funeral? How about when your server comes to your table checking his phone while you are ordering in a restaurant? (yep that actually happened to me.) A pet peeve of mine is when people are in a line at the grocery store and can't get off the phone long enough to acknowledge their cashier or heaven forbid vice versa! While we are on this subject, I already told you I am trying to lose weight. Don't snap my picture with your phone while I am stuffing my lunch in my face! Give me a moment to suck it all in and give you my best side with the least love handles. So put that in your digital picture frame and hang it!