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You Might Be An Engineer If....

Updated on September 5, 2018
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Vivian uses a common sense approach to explore the social issues of today.


  1. You’ve been away on business for a week and can sum up your adventures in 30 seconds when you arrive home to catch up with your spouse (who has at least 2 solid hours of conversation ready—possibly more if you have children).
  2. You appreciate a rude bank teller who doesn’t address you at the drive-thru because you dread banal chit-chat anyway.
  3. You order carry-out online whenever possible to avoid human contact.
  4. You prefer to sit with a stranger on an airplane instead of your co-worker because conversation becomes entirely optional.
  5. People only realize you are angry about something when you explode because you internalize most grievances.
  6. Like a GPS to the directionally impaired, your wife is your personal navigation system. She leads you through all socially awkward situations. By socially awkward, I mean any time you're with another person.
  7. You talk to yourself a lot when you think no one is watching.
  8. Your wife can recite the whole life story of a stranger you just met while you struggle to remember his first name (if you even recall meeting the person to start with).
  9. You are compelled to point out the ripe inaccuracies of movie scenes that defy all the laws of physics.

This is what engineering at home looks like


  1. You only know what your kids are up to because your wife tells you daily. Otherwise, you might forget you even have kids.
  2. At family get togethers, everyone understands when you eat and immediately leave the table, even though this behavior would be considered impolite and offensive for anyone else.
  3. You see no problem with napping while babysitting a toddler.
  4. Even though it would require interaction, it’s okay to feed your children, bathe them, and put them to bed instead of waiting for your wife to do it. Every. Single. Day.
  5. You’re dumbfounded your wife appears visibly upset over the lack of advance notice about something because she failed to read your mind and intuitively know about your change of plans.
  6. Your wife thinks it must be foreplay when you give her fifteen minutes of solid conversation, mingled with a few forced words of affirmation.
  7. You feel like you’re just along for the ride most of the time.
  8. You attend church with your family but could never conceive of fellowshipping with any of the other members after the service.
  9. You’re Golden Boy to mom and dad because you always call them and send them holiday greetings with regularity, even though it would rarely occur to you to initiate contact without your wife’s frequent reminders. Don’t take this away from them. Let them keep thinking you’re considerate.
  10. When the phone or doorbell rings, you holler for your wife because it would be ludicrous to think you’d answer either one.
  11. You are content to be with your wife and kids. No other relationships are necessary.
  12. Every time you attempt to compliment your wife, it ends up sounding like an insult.
  13. You get disgruntled with your wife for making all the decisions without considering your opinion. There's a reason for that. You never voice an opinion.
  14. You over-engineer all of your home improvement projects. You design and plan and think and plan and tweak and stand back and think some more. Then you never finish the project. But don’t worry, at least you got to invest hundreds of dollars into cool tools you’ll probably never use again. Thumbs up!


  1. It might not be Klingon, but the way you talk to other engineers seems like your own made-up, techie-techie language.
  2. Why so many security clearances? No one understands what the heck you’re doing anyway.
  3. You know very little about the personal lives of anyone at the office.
  4. You squirm when management suggests more team work.
  5. Company picnics are just uncomfortable gatherings of people who’d rather be staring at their shoe laces.
  6. They say there are two kinds of people: dreamers and doers. You’re neither. If we could add thinker/procrastinator to the list, you'd nail it.
  7. Annual employee reviews are farcical. How can you assess a group of people whose goal is to blend in rather than stand out?
  8. Your wife can’t explain what you do when she’s asked.
  9. You test different routes to and from work and then choose the one that is two seconds shorter.
  10. You’re not going to put up with the office jerk! No way! You’re going open up a serious can of passive-aggressiveness!

Good Sports

Poke fun of engineers, we may; however, you’ll never find a more loyal, intelligent, competent group of people. Without engineers and all their quirks, the world would unravel. The results of their expertise and handiwork are essential for daily living. If you know and appreciate an engineer, give him a pat on the back. Words aren’t necessary.

How Do You Define "Smart" Anyway?

What About the Engineers You Know?

Are the engineers you know good communicators?

See results

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