Zoolander 2 Is a Waste of Time and Celluloid

Zoolander 2: “PG-13” (1 Hour 40 min.)

Starring: Ben Stiller, Will Ferrell, Penélope Cruz, Christine Taylor, Owen Wilson

Directed by: Ben Stiller

Back in 2001 Ben Stiller created Zoolander, where he brilliantly lampooned the world of male models, which in turn were developed as a pair of short films produced for the VH1 Fashion Awards television specials in 1996 and 1997. Now, 15 years after the first film Stiller is attempting to return to the same well in order to see if there is still any gold in it. Unfortunately, there isn’t. This is, in all honesty, not only 100 minutes of our life that we’ll never get back, but now officially the stupidest movie we’ve ever seen (and we sat through Dumb and Dumber Too, which we completely and totally loathed).

So now here are the eternally dim-witted Derek Zoolander (Stiller) and equally moronic Hansel (Wilson) who — once again are pitted against the malevolent Jacobim Mugatu (Ferrell) — the only actor worth watching in this travesty — all of whom have returned for Zoolander 2, an attempt at comedy that finds both Zoolander and Hansel facing off a threat to their continued success. The film starts out with Justin Bieber (played by himself) getting gunned down by assassins (in what proved to be the most enjoyable part of the film).

What follows is a hodge-podge of random bits of inane and badly-though out sketches that are intended to fool us all into believing that it is a fully fleshed out movie, but is instead an unrelated string of nonsense that are barely recognizable as entertaining much less sequential storytelling. Truth is that this is a vanity project for which there was no oversite and that someone thought looked good on paper, but lacked oversight, direction, as well as a cohesive vision. Oh yeah, and it isn’t the least bit funny.

This is seriously what a bad idea for a film looks like when it is spearheaded by an admittedly talented filmmaker who has had not only had a number of hits, but has a long track record of doing good work. The real problem here is that while the original idea may have been inspired, and the subsequent project(s) generated by that original idea may also have worked, but too much time has passed between the first iteration(s) and the current incarnation to have rendered the entire idea stale, and sadly out of step with the times. Now, given the ability of the writer/director/star, there is no one with the ability, power, or influence to call a halt to the project to stop it before everyone attached to it becomes embarrassed by it. More’s the pity.

While the original two shorts might have been inspired, and the first feature-length film worth paying to go see, this sequel was well below sub-par, and should be avoided like the pathogen that it so sadly is.