Getting Revenge On Nuisance Callers
We've all been there: the phone rings, you pick it up and there's a stranger on the other end trying to sell you something that you'll never want or need. Here are some suggestions as to how you could make the experience of nuisance callers a little less unbearable, and maybe even quite entertaining...
Things To Do During The Phone Conversation
- Politely say that you will pass the phone over to the householder before handing it to your 2 year old sibling/child.
- Tell the caller that they are 10th in the queue and request that they 'please hold the line'. You can then proceed to hum the entirety of the 'Star Wars' theme tune.
- Act as if you think you recognise the person who's calling. Say phrases like:
- 'Kevin, I know it's you.'
- 'Honestly, Kevin, cut it out! No idiot talks in that stupid voice in real life anyway.'
- Speak in your own made-up foreign language, adding in the odd phrase such as, ' Me no speak no English'.
- Laugh hysterically each time the caller speaks. Throw in remarks such as 'You're just too funny', 'That's a good one' and 'Stop it! I can't breathe!'.
- Say inappropriate remarks to the caller such as 'Please say that once again - you're voice is like heaven to me' and 'How would you like to be introduced to my mother?'. Then, attempt to get personal information off of them, such as their email, mobile number and home address.
- Repeat everything that the caller says.
- Speak extremely sssssllllooooooooooooooooowwwwwllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.
- If you can't bear the thought of any interaction with your unwelcome caller you could always try the classic pick up but don't speak response.
- In the middle of the call suddenly burst into tears and launch into a 5 minute long monologue about how your boyfriend/girlfriend has just broken up with you. Interrupt any attempts to talk from the caller with violent sobs and dramatic gasps of breath.
- Each time the caller says something pretend that you've misheard them. Don't even bother making your mistakes seem genuine. For example:
~ Caller - 'Are you happy with your kitchen at the moment?'
~ You - 'What! Mother's a giant sea turtle and she loves Rebecca Black? You disgust me!'
- Bark like a dog down the phone.
- Purr seductively down the phone.
- Explain to the caller that it's your little girl's birthday and say that it would make her day if they would sing 'Happy Birthday' to her. Adopting the voice of a 5 year old excitedly say, 'Hello!' and listen to the embarrassed caller humiliate themselves.
- Others have mentioned some great ideas in the comments section below. Why not take a look...
From Amazon - Must have items for any savvy phone user...
Why not practise your responses to nuisance callers on one of these little gadgets!
Nuisance callers could learn a thing or two from this!
How do you feel about nuisance calls?
A Tom Mabe response to telemarketers... - Help me, I've been kidnapped!
The suggestions listed on this lens are light-hearted ways of winding up unwanted callers and making nuisance calls slightly less painful for you. Please don't be threatening/abusive towards telemarketers - they are only doing their job. :)