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What's Wrong With Millennials in 2019?

Updated on June 19, 2019
Marty Poe profile image

A jack of all trades, master of none. A wise man knows that he always have a lack of knowledge.

What's Wrong With Millennials in 2019

What's Wrong With Millenials 2019

We can all admit that millennials are an easily targeted generation when it comes to point out social quagmires. Certainly, there are things that surely blow our minds. We will definitely be watchful as to how hu-people-ity will unfold in the near future. Meanwhile here are 4 things that should be a definite fail with millennials in 2019.


1. Soup kitchens are not an impact

It's all about impact right?! But the impact of the impact also have to have an impact right? That's why "impact" has to be measured in a way that, if I'm not seen in a way where it's equal to give a speech in the united nations or being a presenter in the famous film "the secret", then the impact is only a soft blow. Henceforth volunteering. It really would look kinda cheesy to take selfies in beside a homeless man serving him a bowl of no-name soup with the hashtag #SavingTheWorldOneBowlAtATime. You might as well put the hashtag #VainAsHell to go along with so, therefore, your facebook page titled "Douchespirational" won't be able to have any hits and show how "secretive" (pun intended) you really are.
So logically soup kitchens are obviously a complete waste of time.


2. Independent thoughts cause tantrums

Left wing, right, up wing, down wing, A, B, select start start start the tantrum engine (a little elbowing towards the infamous Contra cheat code back in the NES days, for those who failed history back in kindergarten), somebody got offended yet again, even though they knew what website they're venturing in. Stumbling upon things like old school views about loud farts NOT being passive-aggressive behavior, so they will ostracize you publicly online to the point of making online sexual predators look like Barabas in the new testament. Ponce Pilate will sure be washing his hands on my views on a carbon tax, universities needing safe spaces from the evil hippies and of course privileged bracelets because I use binary bathrooms. Who needs 30 pieces of silver nowadays, we have the internet!


3.ranking is shaming

Boys oh boys, back in 1986 if somebody gave me a gold medal for being the last place in a race, due to being a little fat fuck that I was, I'd be looking at them all weirded out and point to the ACTUAL kid who won. I didn't win, I got that. Kid throughout centuries understands there are winners and losers. It's ingrained in our DNA. Most kids don't even care. We're more interested in transformers and the vintage erotic playing cards that would be snuck out of parent's bedrooms.


4. Man buns are magic

Just like Odin's beard, if the millennial cuts off their man buns, they will lose their social magic. Everything from being in a decade old viral video slapping and punching your younger brother without getting charged, to being a newly famous thief, being coined a la Home Alone style as the "man bun thief". Man buns are truly mystical helmets, truly be deemed to be from Valhalla!


5. ripping people off is a legit business

Wow, what a backyard! I also see that you are in your garage, nice Lambo. If it wasn't for your 5 dollars black t-shirt, you would've completely fooled me. Also, I've seen the same but different video ads over and over, due to typing "how to make money on the internet" a couple of times and now I'm stuck in this algorithm for life. The majority of us know now what the "rat race" is, but, if you think that making money online by showing people how to make money online without having any other clue how to make money online is cool, ethical and just a way to be "killing it", then you are just a fuckin douche that needs to eat cock-meat sandwiches in jail. End of story.


6. Family time is not an experience

Why would I attend my daughter's recital, when I can Facebook Live my contribution towards helping koalas? regardless if they're endangered or not. Why would I attend my brother's sudden funeral when I can "manifest" on top of the pyramids? You see mom and dad doesn't feel Gaia-ish and is really irritating my self-importance, so I'll go stand in front of a bulldozer in protest of deforestation while wearing a GoPro but I haven't talked to my grandfather in 5 years and interrupted my mom last couple of times she tries to explain that he is healing from his car accident. Mother Earth needs me. My life is a movie.

Here you go folks, a nice little summary amongst thousands that could've been made, covering thousands of points, but I felt these needed to be brought to the light

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