10 Reasons Why I Always Park in the Very Back of the Parking Lot

I’ll never be that annoying person who sits behind you until you pull out of your front-row spot.

I’m not that mom who circles the parking lot, waiting for a spot close to the door to become available.

Take your time buckling your seat belt or checking off your shopping list, because I don’t want my van anywhere near your head-of-the-lot spot.

I’m the van in the very back of the parking lot. I’m the vehicle you stare at in disbelief as you wonder why the heck anybody would park so far away from the entrance when there are plenty of other open spots. I’m parked way back there when it’s scorching hot or pouring down rain. It’s just what I do.

Before you assume I’m crazy, let me give you 10 reasons why parking in the back is totally awesome. Just promise me you won’t steal my spot at Target.

There are times when my kids aren’t as excited as I am about buying new yoga pants or shopping for kale. Shocking, right? Even when they’re glad we’re at the store, they might be too busy fighting over some stupid plastic toy I forgot was wedged under the backseat or claiming I forgot to feed them lunch (despite the fact they had 3 lunches and eleventy billion snacks before we left the house).

Parking in the very back gives me time to nip potential issues like this in the bud. My toddlers have several minutes to whine about how hungry/tired/bored they are before we enter the store, and I get to shop in peace. Well, until they remember how hungry/tired/bored they are.

I mainly eat gluten-free, organic food and chase after 3 kids, but I’m still overweight. Totally unfair, but whatever. Parking in the back is my version of taking the stairs instead of the elevator.

Sometimes I even log the trek with MapMyWalk so I feel like I accomplished something. Did you know that sometimes the entrance is half a mile away from the last parking space? You do now.

I clean my van constantly...and by “constantly”, I mean every freaking day. You’d never believe me if you saw the interior, which is why I hate parking right next to someone. I don’t need to fend off judgmental stares or stupid comments as I’m trying to put my groceries away.

I have a runner. There are days when holding his hand is pretty much impossible, so I plop him in a cart as quickly as possible. When I park up front, the cart corrals are often empty. The ones in the back are overflowing with carts, probably because the cart crew either lacks the time, energy, or ambition to venture to the end of the lot.

I don’t have to patiently wait as other shoppers push their carts into the crowded corrals up front, nor do I have to dodge drivers who haven’t grasped the concept of driving slowly through a parking lot. I can put my cart away with no drama or delays.

I hate those people who park in the handicapped or pregnant mom spots when they have no right to be there. If you’re not pregnant or disabled, those spots aren’t for you.

I’ve got tendonitis and carpal tunnel, but I can walk just fine. I like to save the front spots for someone who needs them more than me.

I rarely use my trunk. It’s filled with strollers and random crap, so there’s no room for important things like food and shampoo. I like to load my bags in the front seat, which can be a major problem if someone is parked beside me.

It’s also hard to get my toddlers buckled in when I leave the store and discover some jerk has parked an inch away from my van. I’m not skinny enough to enter my vehicle through a tiny little crack in the door, so I’d rather just park in the back and take all the room I want.

Toddler #1 is throwing a tantrum because I wouldn’t buy him Starbucks before we left Target. Toddler #2 is loudly announcing that he just pooped his pants. The Preteen is blissfully unaware that we are in public and has decided to practice gymnastics and cheer moves in the spot next to mine.

It’s all good, though. All the perfect parents are too far away to notice what’s going on, so I don’t have to listen to any unsolicited advice or hear passive-aggressive comments like “Looks like you have your hands full.”

It took me 4 tries to pass my driving test. I’m just going to leave it at that.

Moving along…

My kids are growing up (I know, I know...they can’t stay little forever). The day will come when I walk into the grocery store completely alone, without any tiny hands to hold or arguments to referee. Until that day comes, I’m going to take my time walking through the parking lot with my kiddos and enjoy each second as much as possible.

Parking in the back can be inconvenient at times, but I’m okay with that. The pros outweigh the cons, at least for me. If you disagree, that’s fine - I don’t want you hogging my spot anyway.