5 Things I Want to Teach My Kids

Parenting is tough. I'm always worrying, praying and hoping that I'm doing a good job and that I'm teaching my kids the things they will need to know to grow into kind, thoughtful, responsible adults who celebrate and appreciate life every day. But what exactly is it I want them to know to accomplish that goal? Some days it seem like all I do is remind, reprimand, and refuse ("No, you can't do that" is a common refrain at our home.) So I decided to sit down and write some things I'd like my kids to know about life. It's not a complete list, and not nearly as poetically profound as I'd like it to be, but, hey, it was a good excuse to create another article on Squidoo and post some pics of my kids.

I recently discovered "The Mom Song" on YouTube. Nine million people viewed this hilarious video featuring comedienne Anita Renfroe before my own mom introduced me to it, so I guess I'm behind the times. (If you're also out of touch, I've included it for your amusement below.)

I'm sure every mom who has seen this song, which attempts to condense everything a mom says in 24 hours to just under three minutes, can relate to the rapid-fire recitation of Mom-isms. It's funny to watch, and, oh, so true! There are days when parenting seems just like this song - a chaotic, frantic race through the day, constantly guiding, teaching, reprimanding and pleading with my children in an effort to get them to behave, to listen, to do what I want them to do - which usually involves at least one admonition a day to my eight-year-old son not to pick on his two-and-a-half-year-old sister. Ah, siblings!

Some days I feel like my entire day has been spent saying "Don't do this" and "Stop doing that." When my son tears things apart to see what makes them work, I try to remind myself that he's expressing his natural creativity and curiosity. And when my daughter throws unknown objects into the toilet, leading to an expensive call to Roto-Rooter, I try to remind myself that water swirling in the toilet is fascinating to a two-year-old and watching things go down is fun. I take a deep breath, and try not to yell. Other times, the deep breath doesn't work, and I yell anyway. I know it's not the best response, so I'm making a concerted effort to take more deep breaths. Breathe d-e-e-p-l-y. E-x-h-a-l-e.

Then I try to remember what's really important and what I really want to teach my kids about life. I don't think getting them to pick their clothes up off the floor or try one bite of some new food qualify as important life lessons. They're necessary lessons, but not fundamental lessons. It's kind of like school - reading, writing and math are the fundamental lessons. Everything else is just good stuff to know.

Somehow, through all the daily admonitions of "don't do this" and "please do that," I hope to teach my kids the fundamental lessons they'll need to be happy and enjoy life. I hope to prepare them for the ups and down that are inevitable. I hope they'll also pick up their clothes and try new food occasionally, but these are the things I want my kids to know.

1. Happiness is in your control. Good things will happen to you and bad things will happen to you in life, and you can't control this. But you can control your response to life's ups and downs. Whether you feel great joy or mere satisfaction over the good things, and devastating sorrow or manageable grief over the bad things is all up to you. As the old adage goes, there is a silver lining in every cloud, and it's up to you to find it, if you choose. Your life will be much richer and more joyful if you look for it.

2. Keep an open mind and don't judge others. I remember the words of one of my college journalism instructors, who told us to remember that there are at least two sides to every story - and usually more. I think that's great wisdom. Unless you walk in someone else's shoes, you'll never understand all the reasons and motivations in their life. Their experiences are not your own, and they have shaped them differently. It's often helpful to try to understand what motivates people's actions, but it's rarely useful to judge them. Be gentle. Be kind. Be nonjudgmental.

3. Don't hold grudges or regrets. Life is too short to hang on to bad feelings. In the long run, the person who is hurt by this negativity is you. If you make a mistake, say you're sorry (if warranted and possible), forgive yourself and move on. Yesterday is in the past. Live in the present and plan for the future. Don't worry about what happened yesterday because it will only keep you from enjoying today and tomorrow

4. Trust your instincts. Your heart will always guide you in the right direction. Your head may have many reasons why you should or should not do something, but your heart will always know the answer. Trust your heart and things will always turn out well in the long run.

5. Celebrate, appreciate, and give thanks every day. Life is a wonderful, miraculous gift of new experiences. Some experiences might be difficult, and some might be painful, but if you make an effort to look, you will surely find something meaningful in all of them. As Kierkegaard said, "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." Trust that the things that don't make sense today will make sense years from now, and that you'll be stronger, wiser and better for having had these experiences. So give thanks now and celebrate each day.

The first time I saw this video, I laughed out loud. I immediately watched it again - and laughed out loud again. The third time through, I was still laughing. It's brilliantly funny and makes me think that Anita Renfroe is probably a very normal mom with an extraordinary sense of humor. These are the sorts of things I say to my kids on a daily basis, but somewhere in amidst all these daily reminders, I hope I am teaching my kids some more important lessons about life.

If you think the video above is funny, you can own it along with Renfroe's other "Momisms" on DVD.

I bought this book when it first came out many, many years ago, and the first essay is still as simply elegant and thoughtful now as it was then.

This is another book I like because it reminds us to focus on what's important in life. Throughout each day, a lot of things happen, and although some of them may seem monumental at the time, in the long run, the only things that really matter are life, love, friendship, and family.

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