7 Years Under Control and Trapped

Hey, nice to meet you. First off, let me tell you that for safety purposes, I will not be using my real name. So instead, you can call me Erin. Also for the safety of others, instead of using a persons real name, I will just use the first letter of their name.

I guess you might want to know a little more about me? Well... I'm 15 and I go to highschool. I absolutely love music. I write all the time and play guitar. My friends and family are always encouraging me when it comes to my music.

So, were you wondering about the title? For 7 years I lived with an abusive stepfather. We'll call him Ron (not his real name). I lived and dealt with his abusive from the time I was 6 til I was almost 13.

It's been 2 years since the day I left and I will never forget that very day I was told that I never had to see Ron again. Ever since then I have always wanted to help others. It's hard to hear about others' stories similar to mine, but it also can make me feel like I'm not alone. And that's why I'm writing. I want others to hear my story and know that someone else is out there who understands what they are or were going through.

I have to admit that I blamed my mom for a long time. I never understood why we had to stay for so long. I thought that she wasn't doing anything to even try to rescue us. Little did I know that for the 6 months before I left, that she HAD been getting help. It was really hard for a long time for me to understand why we had stayed so long and why I had to deal with all the pain. But it got better. My life is the best its ever been.

I definitely can say that it's not easy to forgive and forget. I don't know that I'll be ever to do that. I mean, imagine someone abused you or hurt you really bad. How easily would you be able to just... forgive them? Trying to forgive him is something I struggle with every day. It makes it even harder when someone says or does something that reminds me of him or a bad memory of him. When that happens I call them "triggers".

I wish I could say my older sister, M, had it easier than me, because she left right when it all started... but I really have to say it wasn't like that at all. My sister is 6 years older than me and she was 14 when she left. She lived with my dad until she was old enough to move out and she never had it easy. She definitely took our parents divorce a lot harder then me, because I didn't fully understand it then... I was only 5 years old. But after our mom met Ron, she just went downhill...

Til my sister got pregnant and had a baby boy this past December, she as a mess for a long time. She did drugs, I'm not gonna lie... She did A LOT of drugs. She never did well in school and didn't give a damn what my dad said to her. I really appreciate now that we have such a close relationship after everything we both have dealt with in our lives so far. I don't know what I'd do without her.

Well, I could keep writing forever but I promise you wil here a lot more from me...

Love, Erin<3