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A DOMINANT MOTHER

Updated on December 14, 2009

A daughter was in the corner sat quietly, thinking about her feelings and memories. She felt nobody was interested in her thoughts, opinions and tastes because her mother never listen to her. The anxiety that drives her were so powerful that brought destructiveness to her health. To much thinking and worries resulted to dark circles under her eyes, may be due to lack of sheep. This pain was induced by the conflict inherent in trying to grow up and separate oneself from childish dependency on mother. She knew that she worked hard being a good mother but somehow she did not understand the inside feeling of her daughter. Her mother prepared everything for her on parties, dresses and worried constantly over everything even how small it was. She did the right thing but never found out how her child felt of her over-protectiveness. She became bossy causing contradiction about everything she don't want, where her mother want to do what she told. She felt an internal emptiness when she cannot decide on her own while getting arguments with her mother. During her teenage years until now that she was fully grown, her mother always knew what is right and appropriate for her child in clothes, friends and ideas. Her mother will decide for her on everything. Whatever she has decision to make, she listen to the inner voice of her mother telling her to do otherwise how to think, dress and play.

Her personalities was overshadowed by her dominant mother. She doesn't know how to cope and handle the domineering mother. She unable to stand up on her own two feet. Mother became the major influence in her life. Many other daughters lived with their mother until she gets old. She was lonely, unable to have appropriate relationship with a man because mother was there watching. If she don't like the man she become very frank and inform her daughter of her refusal for friendship to such a man.

She give up her unique personalities for the sake of her mother she deeply loved. Her advise was wise and helpful but she inappropriately attached. She had to grow up and live on independent life making her own decision and be her own person. She want to be free to be herself to be a mother of her own child and be a wife in her own way to her husband.

If a mother is constantly criticizing and antagonizing her daughter, it just brought emotional strain to both of them. There will no longer peace and harmony in themselves.

But she believed that her child should share everything with her as she was dedicated to be a good mother not knowing that being open to her put her child into a major conflict internally. She become suffocated with a feeling of indifference.

A dependent child can never grow up easily, struggling to becoming independent which is very hard for her in her late adolescence. If mother wanted her child to remain close to her even in her older age, she cannot develop her own judgment and taste. She is like a pale shadow of her mother.

An overprotective mother is the one that feed her grandchild by developing close bonding through physical closeness. She taught her child what to do, instead of encouraging her of her initiative to nurse her child. Mother solve the problem of her daughter instead of letting her to do the thinking and find solution.

Even if her daughter wanted her mother to share in the excitement of nurturing her grandchild but she could not tolerate being handled in everything anymore. Advice and criticism lead her to feel grudge to her mother. She want to protect all the way.

It is now time for a mother to change a system in handling her daughter. She must try to give her daughter a good start in handling her own life. A calm and cheerful mother can give wonder to remove internal conflict with her daughter and free her from external stress. By so doing, her daughter will start to learn how to be a good mother to her child, peace and harmony in their relationship will follow.

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