A Day In The Life Of A M̶̶o̶̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶ Short Order Cook

There is nothing particular special about this day; it's just Wednesday. And much like the other six days of the week, I find myself counting down the hours until bedtime so I can wake up feeling unrefreshed and agitated before I've even had my second cup of coffee.

A lot of good it does.

I get poked fun of daily; from my frizzy hair all the way down to my jiggly butt. There is no reprieve from the critical terms of endearment or the constant reminders of my age. And if I want a little sympathy, its probably best to just belly up to the bar where I can cheerfully serve myself a dirty martini in a Barbie thermos.

Maybe if I knew that I was going to be a short order cook / waitress / maid / laundry attendant / therapist / chauffeur and tutor, I would have reconsidered going to night school. But instead, I sit here... Massaging my flaky, resentful feet and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

So here I am; another fruitless day at home with a seven-year-old girl who doesn't know what she wants, but she knows she WANTS IT NOW!

Her: "Mommy, can I have some more popcorn, please?"

Me: "No."

Her: "Please? I'm starving!"

Me: "That's your second bowl. If you're that hungry, I'll make you dinner."

Her: "But I don't WANT dinner. I just want some more popcorn!"

Me: "Well you're not getting any. What do you want for dinner?"

Her: "What do you have?"

Me: "The same things I always have; the only things you'll eat! You can have a hot dog, noodles, chicken nuggets???"

Her: "Hot dog."

Me: "A fine selection."

Her: "I want a hot dog and a bun."

Me: "That was the plan."

Her: "No... I mean; I want a hot dog IN a bun and a bun on the side!"

Me: "You're not getting two buns —that's ridiculous."

Her: "How about a hot dog in a bun and some toast?"

Me: "NO! You can either have a hot dog in a bun or a hot dog and toast, but you can't have both."

<<Silence>>

Her: "You're just mean!"

Me: "I'm not mean."

Her: "Are too!"

<<Silence>>

Her: "Can I have an apple while I wait?"

Me: "No, you CAN'T have an apple while you wait. Who do you think I am, Burger King?

Her: "Who's Burger King?"

Me: "That's not important. You're not getting anything else to eat until I'm finished making your stupid hot dog."

Her: "You just said the "S" word."

Me: "It's better than the other letter in the alphabet I was considering."

Her: "Like what?"

<<Silence>>

Her: "Please can I have an apple while I wait?"

Me: "Here. Eat your supper!"

Her: "I didn't ask for broccoli!"

She might not have asked for broccoli, but I DID ask for kids and according to my mother, karma's a bitch!