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A Day In The Life Of A M̶̶o̶̶t̶̶h̶̶e̶̶r̶ Short Order Cook

Updated on October 29, 2014
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Who Said Barbie Was Just For Kids?!

Thermos Funtainer 12 Ounce Bottle, Barbie
Thermos Funtainer 12 Ounce Bottle, Barbie

Note: The stainless steel casing is great for masking adult beverages... But you didn't hear it from me!

 

Guess What Day It Is?!

There is nothing particular special about this day; it's just Wednesday. And much like the other six days of the week, I find myself counting down the hours until bedtime so I can wake up feeling unrefreshed and agitated before I've even had my second cup of coffee.

A lot of good it does.

I get poked fun of daily; from my frizzy hair all the way down to my jiggly butt. There is no reprieve from the critical terms of endearment or the constant reminders of my age. And if I want a little sympathy, its probably best to just belly up to the bar where I can cheerfully serve myself a dirty martini in a Barbie thermos.

Where's MY 20%?

Maybe if I knew that I was going to be a short order cook / waitress / maid / laundry attendant / therapist / chauffeur and tutor, I would have reconsidered going to night school. But instead, I sit here... Massaging my flaky, resentful feet and waiting for the other shoe to drop.

This Mom NAILS It!

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Wednesday, October 29, 2014 - 4:59 pm

So here I am; another fruitless day at home with a seven-year-old girl who doesn't know what she wants, but she knows she WANTS IT NOW!

The Conversation

Her: "Mommy, can I have some more popcorn, please?"

Me: "No."

Her: "Please? I'm starving!"

Me: "That's your second bowl. If you're that hungry, I'll make you dinner."

Her: "But I don't WANT dinner. I just want some more popcorn!"

Me: "Well you're not getting any. What do you want for dinner?"

Her: "What do you have?"

Me: "The same things I always have; the only things you'll eat! You can have a hot dog, noodles, chicken nuggets???"

Her: "Hot dog."

Me: "A fine selection."

Her: "I want a hot dog and a bun."

Me: "That was the plan."

Her: "No... I mean; I want a hot dog IN a bun and a bun on the side!"

Me: "You're not getting two buns —that's ridiculous."

Her: "How about a hot dog in a bun and some toast?"

Me: "NO! You can either have a hot dog in a bun or a hot dog and toast, but you can't have both."

<<Silence>>

Her: "You're just mean!"

Me: "I'm not mean."

Her: "Are too!"

<<Silence>>

Her: "Can I have an apple while I wait?"

Me: "No, you CAN'T have an apple while you wait. Who do you think I am, Burger King?

Her: "Who's Burger King?"

Me: "That's not important. You're not getting anything else to eat until I'm finished making your stupid hot dog."

Her: "You just said the "S" word."

Me: "It's better than the other letter in the alphabet I was considering."

Her: "Like what?"

<<Silence>>

Her: "Please can I have an apple while I wait?"

Me: "Here. Eat your supper!"

Her: "I didn't ask for broccoli!"

She might not have asked for broccoli, but I DID ask for kids and according to my mother, karma's a bitch!

I'm Not Alone —Look!

I Just Want to Pee Alone
I Just Want to Pee Alone

Motherhood is the toughest – and funniest – job you'll ever love. Raising kids is hard work. The pay sucks, your boss is a tyrant, and the working conditions are pitiful – you can't even take a bathroom break without being interrupted with another outrageous demand. Hasn't every mother said it before? “I just want to pee alone!” I Just Want to Pee Alone is a collection of hilarious essays from 37 of the most kick ass mom bloggers on the web. Including: People I Want to Punch in the Throat, Insane in the Mom-Brain, The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva, Baby Sideburns, and Rants From Mommyland.

 

The Stories Never End...

I Just Want to Be Alone  (I Just Want to Pee Alone) (Volume 2)
I Just Want to Be Alone (I Just Want to Pee Alone) (Volume 2)

The second volume in the best-selling I Just Want to Pee Alone series! Don't get us wrong, we love the men in our lives – we do (most of the time). It's just that sometimes we would like them to go away. Not forever or anything like that. Just for an hour … or a day … or a weekend. We want some time to ourselves to read a good book or take a walk or do anything other than try to make a dent in the never ending mound of dirty clothes that keeps piling up on his side of the bed. We just want to be alone. All alone. Is that too much to ask?

 

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    • Joel Diffendarfer profile image

      Joel Diffendarfer 2 years ago from Ft Collins, Colorado

      I'm not a mom...I am a dad...of 7+ kids...I've done my share of mothering too. This is great--sending it on to my girls--they will love it!

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

      This was funny. I am not a mother, but my wife is. of 4 kids..so I can relate to all you mention. Voted up.

    • sassypiehole profile image
      Author

      Lisa René LeClair 2 years ago from the ATL

      sheilamyers Thanks!! Motherhood gives new meaning to the word "intern."

    • profile image

      sheilamyers 2 years ago

      I'm not a mother, but I've seen and heard the same things you mentioned. I definitely think motherhood is the toughest job in the world and all of you mom's deserve a lot of credit. Great hub!

    • sassypiehole profile image
      Author

      Lisa René LeClair 2 years ago from the ATL

      FlourishAnyway Right?! I have a 9-week-old kitten that follows me in there as well. Last week, I found an entire roll of toilet paper unraveled and lying in the middle of the kitchen floor —and it was the MEGA PLUS ROLL!

    • FlourishAnyway profile image

      FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

      I gave up peeing alone years ago. My teenager no longer bothers me in the bathroom much, but now the cats follow me there. I constantly tell the kid I'm going to start smoking and run off with the pool boy if I don't start getting some appreciation and respect. We don't even have a pool. Voted up and funny.