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What Makes a Good Mother

Updated on October 26, 2009
Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom is a keen observer of life. She shares her personal experiences and opinions in helpful and often amusing ways.

There are all kinds of mothers
There are all kinds of mothers

Are children reflections of us...or themselves?

Child A gets into Harvard and goes on to become a famous brain surgeon. Child B drops out of high school, takes a dead-end job, and spends his days getting high.

How much, if any, of the credit/blame for these choices should each boy's mother take? What if the boys are brothers? Is the mom a good mom... or a bad mom?

Let's face it. Parenting is are hard job. It's the hardest job in the world. And like it or not, mothers are held to a higher standard of responsibility than fathers. Don't mean to sound sexist here. You can dispute it if you want. I'm simply speaking from my own experience.

That experience has recently got me thinking. I've met plenty of attentive mothers who dote on their kids. I've also met my share of mothers whose children have been taken away by CPS (Child Protective Services). In between is a broad spectrum of parenting styles and experiences.

I wrote this in poem to share mine with you.

I’m the kind of mother

who looks like the others

acts like the others

seems pretty normal


I do Mom things like them

work in the classroom

put on my game face

cheer on the sidelines


Other moms stress over

test scores and game scores

will Johnny get in?

are his grades good enough?


Judging from the outside

they’d never, ever guess

how different I am

how healed yet damaged

When it comes to my child

my worries are basic

more crises, really

is he still alive?

Life jags sideways then down

the signposts familiar

I know what to do

maternal instinct

Myself a survivor

No stranger to darkness

to numbing out pain

as my mother did

Today I’m a mother

who does interventions

who interviews rehabs

prays for redemption

Thank God I’m a mother

whose child has been to Hell

together we’ve clawed

our way back to hope

Good-bye, Mom

That’s what I can offer

the friend who saved her son

thwarting suicide

with psych ward lockdown

That’s tough to explain

to those other mothers

sheltered as they are

not in their worldview

They’d be shocked to know

I'm the kind of mother

Whose parenting skills

Are sharpened by instinct 

Am I a “good” mother?

what is good anyway?

the absence of malice

abundance of love




©Mighty Mom 2009. All rights reserved.


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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      Hello! I could have sworn I've been to this website before but after reading through some of the post I realized it's new to me. Anyhow, I'm definitely delighted I found it and I'll be book-marking and checking back often! check it out

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      I think you are completely right the most we can do as mothers is try our hardest to guide our children through life to the best of our ability, and let them be individuals at the same time. Your hub has inspired me in many ways as I am a new mom too a 4 month old daughter and feel sometimes as if I am not a great mother but I give my daughter as much love as I possibly can and try my hardest to make sure that she has everything she needs. Granted she's not that old yet but she sure is getting good at grabbing things on her own and trying to stick them in her mouth, so for now I am just trying to keep her out of harms way. (and by harms way I mean chocking on something she try's to but in her mouth), So I want to thank you and everyone else who has commented for the inspirational words for the years to come with my daughter.

    • ThePracticalMommy profile image


      6 years ago from United States

      Your definition of 'good' is perfect: "the absence of malice, abundance of love". In hoping to be 'good' moms, we have no intentions of ill-will for our children and we have all the hope in the world that their lives will be as stable as possible, even if we can't guarantee that stability.

      Beautiful poem! Thanks for sharing your insights.

    • KDF profile image


      6 years ago from Central Illinois

      I learned how to be a great father from my wonderful mother!

    • Tracy Lynn Conway profile image

      Tracy Lynn Conway 

      6 years ago from Virginia, USA

      The 'nurture or nature' question is always an intriguing one. I like the way you posed the question about these two different children. The latest research seems be pointing more towards nature than was previously believed. Great hub!

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi Lita,

      I feel the same way about my mother that you do. It's an honor to keep her memory alive. She is as dear to me today as when she was alive. Maybe more so, as I appreciate her more.

      I really like what you wrote in your comment. Thank you! MM

    • Lita C. Malicdem profile image

      Lita C. Malicdem 

      8 years ago from Philippines

      A good mother probably is one you don't fail to remember even if she has died. You just can't simply let her memories of your good old days vanish with her mortal body. You enjoy her immortal presence by several links like, remembering her on her birthday, wedding day, death anniversary, etc. Mine is a good if not the best mother. I love to write articles about her and for her in loving memory of her being my mom.Nice hub!

    • Anackis profile image


      8 years ago

      That was good to read. Made me think of my mom and all she's done for me. I think a good mom is the one that's their for her children. We didn't have a lot of money growing up so we didn't have many things, but my mom always made sure we had fun. It wasn't till I was older that I actually realized all she had done. Good Hub

    • lmmartin profile image


      8 years ago from Alberta and Florida

      I came late to this hub, but here's my two bits worth:

      A good mother is one who doesn't eat her young.

      End of story.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      thank you for this my mother was the one who is a good mother but my dad is another story

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hey there emievil, No matter how ready you think you are when nature/God present you with your little bundle(s) of joy, it's the biggest challenge of a lifetime. I hope fear of "doing it wrong" will not keep you from experiencing it. Because it's also life's greatest joy. That's my opinion and I say that after all the heartache I've been through.

      Websites -- Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the subject. I think parental roles have changed a lot since when I was a kid. Not as clear cut. And parents are WAY more child focused. I'm not sure that's a good thing.

      And while many fathers have been lax in their responsibilities, I know plenty of mothers who have not set the example they should. That's kinda the subject of this poem. But as you say, never declare ANYONE'S case a lost cause. Dads, moms and kids can all change course and make better choices!

    • websites profile image


      8 years ago

      Hello Mighty Mom,

      As a Son I can tell you that we do learn from example, the only problem is, outside influences also play a major roll in this process. Can I be honest here? The major problem we face in the family today is due to the Lazy Fathers who did not and do not stand up to their role. When I look back over the last couple of decades I see a miserable failure of Fathers, untold numbers forsook their Wives, forsook the Children, and ran from responsibility. Because of this the Children ran wild and began to associate with outside influences that led to what we have today in America.

      I'll tell you, most Moms have done their job well, they have loved their Children to the point of exhaustion. They have done all they can do to give them the tools to choose the right path. I have watched over the years as many of these Moms children who had taken the wrong path, have eventually turned around. So I never look at any case and declare it as a lost case.

    • emievil profile image


      8 years ago from Philippines

      Hi Mighty Mom. I'm not yet a mom but experiencing how it is to raise my 3-year old niece has really made me question if I'll ever become ready to become one. Hope when the time comes, my answer will be yes, I'm a good (not great) mother :). Thanks for the hub.

    • Joyfull Mother profile image

      Joyfull Mother 

      8 years ago from North Carolina

      I ran into a mother at church the other day. She was in tears since her 20 year-old daughter won't speak to her because she and her husband decided to adopt two darling little boys. She asked me why her daughter was doing this, and wondered if she was a good mother for adopting other children. She lavished love and attention on this young woman her whole life; did she "spoil" her? I don't think so. My sister-in-law is a caring, loving woman, raised as an only child since her siblings were grown when she was born. She too was doted on, yet turned out very different. I think that everything we do and are as parents will affect our children, but each child is individual as well and has other influences beside us. I think that if we love truly, then we are good mothers. We each do our best, and you cannot get better than that.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi Juicy Ones,

      I totally get what you are saying. Dads serve an important purpose, too. But there's nothing like the connection between mother and child. And it's lifelong. And unbreakable.

      Glad your kids made it to the "safety" of adulthood.

      I'm still x'ing my fingers, but with each passing month feeling more confident we'll at least make it to 18:-). MM

    • Juicy Ones profile image

      Juicy Ones 

      8 years ago

      My wife is a mother every minute of every day, even though our four "kids" are between 28 and 35. She loves them all in a way I can never get close to. The odd call or skype to them does me fine, but she actually communicates with them and knows what is concerning them and then does something positive about it. I don't want the world to be filled with only mums(we don't say "Mom" in the UK), but I know it would be a better place if it was. Keep up the great work, Mighty Mon.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi GracieLinda,

      Nature's roulette wheel doesn't always pay off the way we expect. Glad you are there for BOTH your boys. They are lucky to have you.

      Loving our kids is no guarantee they will succeed. But being their for them is a great foundation.

      I wish you luck with your special needs son.

      Please keep an eye on the Harvard bound one. Sometimes addiction doesn't manifest till adulthood -- but I am praying for you that he has escaped the evil drug gene.

      Thanks for visiting. ALL moms are mighty in my book! MM

    • GracieLinda profile image


      8 years ago from Brandon, FL

      I am the mom of two boys, one with special needs and one who should have them. The one I birthed is laden with special needs, the one I adopted from a drug mom is Harvard bound, if he wants. I love them both so very much and wish so much so for them. It hurts and I am blessed. Dealing in difficult.

      Being a might mom is not my forte but I try.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Thank you my friend MDawson. Coming from you, that is a compliment I will keep near my heart for when I need it!

      reddog -- You have a very wise father. A great reminder that we should not compare our children, either! Glad all of yours turned out ok. Sorry for the USC grad,tho. That was one sorry-ass performance on the football field this weekend:-)!

      KatyWhoWaited - Welcome. It is nice to see you here. I can tell by your selection of a line that you HAVE been there. God bless. Writing about it DOES help!

      Limitless -- Mothers of children with special needs are another special breed altogether. I have the utmost respect for you and those like you. Thanks for commenting. MM

    • Limitless profile image


      8 years ago from South Dakota

      Mighty Mom,

      Thanks for sharing your heart. I know what it is to walk in the world of motherhood that others take for granted as a mom of child with special needs. Two of the most powerful words in the english language are "Me Too."

    • KatyWhoWaited profile image


      8 years ago

      been where you've been and walked in the metaphor "clawed the way back to hope" - exquisite

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Two of my four children graduated from top universities, USC and U of M, my youngest is attending U of M. My oldest son graduated from high school with my foot in his back. I worried my self sick about him. Then my dad asked me these question. Is he respectful to you?---Yes

      Do the police come knocking at your door?---No

      Is he a hard worker?----Yes where ever he works

      people like him.

      My Dad said then what are you worried about. And do you know he has turned out just fine. There were some rough years but he is now living in LA, has been voted employee of the year where he works and is HAPPY.

      I believe that children are their own people. You can give them rules and guidance and pick them up when they fall but in the end, they responsible for the choices they make.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      MightyMom this was a very POWERFUL hub and many moyjers do need to read this I loved it and felt your heart bleeding through it as I read it!!

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      It's so comforting to log on and see that my hub has attracted other mother hubbers who I like and respect. Bless you all for your kind words.

      And a special shout-out to bayareagreatthing -- I LOVE how you said that! God IS the perfect Father and ALL of us kids are... human (read: flawed). Thanks! xo to all my hubmother pals, MM

    • bayareagreatthing profile image


      8 years ago from Bay Area California

      If being a good mom means loving your child as yourself-I made the grade. If being a good mom means your child turns out wonderful, I am lacking...but I take comfort in the fact that God is the perfect Father and look at all his children!

    • Whistler2417 profile image


      8 years ago from Mississippi

      We all wonder if we did a good job as a mom. We can only do what we know how to do. We cannot fix our children, only hope that we have instilled in them, enough of what they need to grow and be happy.

    • Shalini Kagal profile image

      Shalini Kagal 

      8 years ago from India

      I think all most of us can do is to do our best and then hope....and then accept. I like how your poem ended: 'the absence of malice/ abundance of love' - I guess that sums it up so well.

      You're more than a Mighty Mom - you're a Great Mom :)

    • Zsuzsy Bee profile image

      Zsuzsy Bee 

      8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

      The path of a Mom is always riddled with self doubt. No matter how good our intentions are we are always presented with a different scenario that throws those questions in front of us. You know you did the best you were able to do and still the what-ifs show-up in a low or weak moment. Stick to your guns because you know you're a good Mom.

      great hub, once again one that is close to my heart.

      kindest regards Zsuzsy

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Thank you, Putz. My son is still alive. Therefore, I must be a good mother:-)!

    • Putz Ballard profile image

      Putz Ballard 

      8 years ago

      MightyMom, I think from reading your hub, you are a great mother! thanks for sharing.

      Robert Ballard

    • Lissa Lynn profile image

      Lissa Lynn 

      8 years ago from upstate NY

      What a great hub, Mighty Mom. I give my mom all the credit in the world, she had five of us and while we're not all doing what we thought we would, we're all happy and whole. Thanks!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      You are a mighty mom huh?

      So, he is ok? well, alive?

      Are you Ok?

      Bad Mothers do exist. I promise.Your NOT one... But even the bad mothers, in some odd twisted way, do love thier children the best they can. I try every day, to be better then my mother was. Sometimes its hard, she didn't give me the tools, the rules, or anything to go by. I have to figure it out as I go. So, sometimes I have to say sorry. Yes, part of who you are is due to how you were riased, but at some point, a child grows up and must be responsable for their actions. That part is all on their own. I chose to udnerstand and forgive my mother, as best I could, and move on. If people were completly who their parents were or raised them to be...what a boring world this would be...

    • steffsings profile image


      8 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

      As a mom of a teenager off to college, expereincing the empty nest-I now have plenty of time on my hands to wonder... should I have? Could I have? Its strangely comforting to know that most moms question. I Thank God we can rest assured knowing beyond our questions, He loves our kids more than we could ever and has great plans for them.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      nighty, nite

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Now you've done it, ralwus. I'm heading to sleep and I'm taking Tommy James and the Shondelles with me.

      Crimson and clover, over and over and over!!!

      Thanks for the idea,tho. Night, my friend. MM

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Take a break and enjoy some crimson and clover MOM. :D 'twill make ya feel good.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Wow! I'm blown away by all the new hub friends who've taken the time to visit and comment.Guess the topic of motherhood is universal!!! Glad that those of you who have struggled with the responsibilities found a kindred spirit here.

      And to those who have offered your own advice and support, THANK YOU! MM

    • Minilady profile image


      8 years ago

      great hub! I kept having doubts about my parenting abilities, after going through a harrowing time in the past two years. Now I discovered that I'm not alone.

    • green tea-cher profile image

      green tea-cher 

      8 years ago

      One of the greatest mysteries of parenting is how two children raised in the same family can experience two totally different lives. We must always remember that each child is his own person, his own spirit, so taking credit or blame for their outcomes becomes a very interesting concept. We can guide them the best we can but ultimately they must make some very important decisions for themselves.

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 

      8 years ago

      Mighty Mom, This was wonderful!

      Being a Mom is one of the most difficult, loving, overwhelming, painful, wisdom building, artistic, joyful, multi tasked and often fulfilling roles there is. I believe it is a combination of every important career one will every obtain!

      Kudos for you! Again wonderful! Blessings!

    • bpo-outsourcing profile image


      8 years ago

      I am not still A mother but in God's will I will be soon..being a mother is not an easy task we can quit if we don't want.If you commit it then it is forever, a commitment that you can't brake.I love my mom and I adore all mother.:)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      you have a good hubs, i really appreciate your work . keep it up.

    • profile image


      8 years ago from Australia

      Nice to read, as a mum of 2 - boy & girl I sometimes struggle with their wills but they have to be allowed to be individual, although draw the line at drawing pictures on the walls od the rented house!!

      Also having suffered from PND that only my husband knew about you wonder how all these other "normal" mothers cope,or what problems they have?

    • Madison22 profile image


      8 years ago from NYC

      Mighty mom this is such a great hub, poem is outstanding...thanks!!

    • wendi_w profile image


      8 years ago from Midwest

      Great hub , mom's are people too , I think that is important thing to instill in our children. We are all doing the best we can with what we have at the time.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi Ben. Thanks not only for visiting and the cool comment,but for directing me to your hub. We parents gotta stick together!

      Elisabeth.You are always so kind and encouraging in your comments to me. I'mvery grateful to have you in my Hub life! MM

    • elisabethkcmo profile image


      8 years ago from Just East of Oz

      MM, I liked this hub.. the mother sets the tone for the whole family, don't we

      glad to know that you are mighty...

    • Ben Zoltak profile image

      Ben Zoltak 

      8 years ago from Lake Mills, Jefferson County, Wisconsin USA

      Nicely written. I agree with you about Mothers being held up to a higher standard, it is sexist too but you're not being sexist you're just observing the sexist reality! I'm afraid sometimes the higher standard puts a lot of pressure on Moms and it stresses them out to the point that they can alienate their own kids. Thanks for the great article, it's made me think more about my own Mom and her personal struggles. I just finished a parenting hub too that I'm pretty proud of, if you get the chance check it out! Thanks Mighty Mom!

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Gendarme -- You need to write a hub about YOUR mother! Sounds like we would all get teared up. I love that!

      Kimberly -- I noticed that too and knew it was some kind of karmic connection. There are some similarities in our parenting stories. You went to much greater lengths than I did, and ended up getting shat/spat upon by his family. It makes me furious to think about it.

      But know that you are serving as a mother role model here on HP for many. Some are not young enough to be your biological daugthers, but young enough in the journey that you can guide them. Here's to being GOOD MOTHERS. xo, MM

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Ok how weird is it that we both did Hubs on mom's the same day? Mine of course, sad and tragic, bringing me down, but now I feel good having read yours, as I often do. So glad to see your poetry as well again. I feel an interview coming on.hhhmmmmm.............xo

    • Gendarme profile image


      8 years ago from Jamaica

      My mom was simply the best! My father was good too, but nothing compared to Mom. I was lucky to have them both at home. However, it's like we were always at the forefront of Mom's mind. As soon as she got paid, she came straight home to us. My father had to stop at the bar first, and by the time he reached us, we were well looked after already. Nothing beats a good mother.

    • green light profile image

      green light 

      8 years ago from Orange County, CA

      A mother's role in a child's development had been a subject to a lot of studies. Long ago,I even came across a theory that points out to the nature of a child's relationship with the mother throughout the young formative years, as a possible contributory factor in developing a schizophrenic disorder-- bold and outrageoue it might be, what it only tries to tell is the undeniable role of a mother to a child's personality development. Being the ever present and primary figure that fills in the care giver and nurturer role for a young mind that is impressionable and very vulnerable to what it is fed with and modeled with.

      I can certainly see that you are doing what you think is best for your children, using your whole heart and soul, with all the wisdom you can ever make great use of.

      For us mothers, at the end of the day, that is all that actually really matter. Knowing in our hearts that we have given them a piece of our very being with all the power and might we could gather, just so we could give them our unconditional love. Continue being there for your children, as a daughter myself, I can say that a mother's mere presence, moreso her love and prayers, are the deep sources of strength and courage for a son or a daughter.

      May God bless all mothers, with more courage and strength to give the same to their children, and for their children to give to their own children!

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Gendarme -- Your mother sounds like a beautiful, wise lady. No wonder you miss her so much.

      MistHaven -- Thanks for your comment. Free will does play a huge role doesn't it.

      NetBiz Nick -- Everything you say here is truth. Or at least,the ideal of what I've tried to convey. Alas, children do learn with their eyes and we can't always shield their eyes from seeing things that hurt them.

    • profile image

      NetBiz Nick 

      8 years ago

      Awsome hub Mighty Mom,

      I can only speak as a father of 3 daughters. I teach them only that everything they do has a consiquence, it ripples out and affects others, good or bad, so be responsible because ripples that touch return. They can talk to me about anything and I only offer my opinion and not a lecture.

      I show them how to be sociable and understanding that others see through different eyes so don't judge. We can choose to live as a victim of circumstance or apreciate the positive and find our own way. Never follow others into the fire to gain acceptance, true friends will love you for who you are.

      Find your creative side and express yourself that way.

      Can a mother be blamed? A child learns with it's eyes, but it owns it's own head. Strong or weak, it's not your fault.

    • MistHaven profile image


      8 years ago from New Jersey

      I think a good mother is one who loves her children, but not unconditionally. Using the example you gave, I wouldn't blame the mother at all. Free will is the real culprit. You could do everything in the world for a person, but its up to them to either accept or reject your help.

    • Gendarme profile image


      8 years ago from Jamaica

      My mother was one of the best moms ever walked the earth. When she died, a part of me went with her. It had been ten years on March 7, 2009, but I cry even to this day. I was the last of four kids she salvaged from eleven efforts, and so it affected me more than the others. The thing I remember most about her was that she never compromised the truth. As long as I was wrong, I was going to get it. I didn't understand why she came down so hard on me, but realizing what the world is today, I am glad she did. She could have been selfishly suppressing the right thing just to gain my affection, but she stuck to what she suspected would have been advantageous to help me face the challenges in later years. In other words, it wasn't about her, but about after she was gone how I would be adaptable to a cruel world. Hence, to test your maternal skills, my suggestion is to put your kid(s) in the framework of living independently, to see if he could survive without you. If he can't, then you might have work to do. The responsibility of you as a parent is to pass on survival kits so that when you leave this earth, your soul can rest in peace.

    • dohn121 profile image


      8 years ago from Hudson Valley, New York

      I don't think you could've said it better than you did, MM. I don't have kids of my own (that I know of) but hope to one day father several kids if possible and to raise them as I see fit. One of the best jobs I ever had was as a camp counselor in New Hampshire. I had the privilege to be one for a total of 3 summers and I enjoyed every minute of it as it was a truly rewarding experience incomparable to other jobs I've ever held. I feel that I just "get it" when it comes to kids.

      There is a reason why Mother's Day is the biggest day for restaurants. Father's Day doesn't even come close. Shame on the families that make mom cook (or do anything for that matter) on her birthday OR Mother's Day. In Asian culture, we respect are elders and especially our parents and do everything to honor them. When my parents' marriage was falling apart, my dad asked me if I would go and live with him and I told him rather than my mom: "Don't ask me that question, dad!"

      Thanks, MM for a wonderful hub and inspiring poem.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I don't think parents have as much control as they think they do. My experience has been that kids will do what they shouldn't because they are kids, but in the end they will do what you do, not what you say. Have my kids done some crazy dangerous stuff I wish they hadn't? Yes. Have they picked up some of my worst habits? Yes. Are they nevertheless separate individual people with their own lives and their own minds? Yes..

      It's the last thing people tend to forget. People treat their kids like accessories or achievements (or failures) but they're PEOPLE. I also am distressed by how much we judge other women by their parenting skills or lack thereof, even though people with awful parents often grow up to be wonderful people and people with wonderful parents often grow up to be jerks. So it's obviously NOT all about us and our parenting skills.

      Great hub. Your caring comes through in every word.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Parenting is a rough life for any one, no matter who they are. One does the best one can and hopes all will work out, love is given with tentative care to the one who needs it at the time. Some lose their way and we strive to help them back, we can't always win. Lucky for you and yours you have pulled one from hell and that is a wonderful win. Good luck MM and thanks for sharing a powerful story. CC

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Hey Mighty Mom! As a mom myself, I can understand where you are coming from. We often wish our kids came with instruction manuals so that we could figure the complicated parts out. Love and nurturing sometimes does not seem to be enough these days. I find that if make time my kids make time. It does hold true that family involvement, I don't mean the sneaking in their room and reading their diary kind of involvement, makes a huge difference. We have family night and either watch a movie, play a game or just act silly. I expect my children to do their best and remind them the grade does not make them who they are but the spirit they carry in them and how they react to situations. I tell them to listen to their gut. Moms words start ringing in their heads at some point and they realize that you weren't talking to hear yourself talk~

    • This 'N That profile image

      This 'N That 

      8 years ago from Florida

      Great Hubs!! Glad I've found you here...

    • alekhouse profile image

      Nancy Hinchliff 

      8 years ago from Essex Junction, Vermont

      Such an insightful and revealing hub. Having two daughters who mirror the descriptions in your writing and connecting to the myriad of feelings a mother has who has gone through the similar ups and downs that go with them...and the soul searching, I can totally relate. Thanks for laying it all out....a painful catharsis, I'm sure.

    • shamelabboush profile image


      8 years ago

      It's pretty much complicated for me as a man, but I'm sure that maternity is a full time job no doubt. It's not only the mother who raises her kids or instills good morals into them, it's also the society around them and school, friends...etc SO, the mother is only a part of this process and she should get involved in all her kids activities to ensure they're on the right path.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Thanks all for the response to my writing. I can see it elicits different feelings in different people.

      wsp-- I love that John Lennon song!

    • wsp2469 profile image


      8 years ago from Alta Loma, Ca

      Okay. You included a solo piece by ex-Beatle, the late John Lennon. ya gotta love how he turned something negative into something that made him lots of money. I had to post a comment if only to compliment you on that smart move, MM. (I referenced you again on my Halloween hub by the way.)

    • queenbe profile image


      8 years ago from NY

      You are without a doubt a 'good mother' a GREAT MOTHER in fact. It shows through your pain in your writing. You had me in tears out of sympaty and empathy for your plight. Please know you are not alone in this plight even though it feels like it. Write me anytime.

    • profile image

      Feline Prophet 

      8 years ago

      I agree...parenting,and especially a mother's role, must be the most difficult thing in the world. How do you know you're getting it right?

    • Pamela99 profile image

      Pamela Oglesby 

      8 years ago from Sunny Florida

      I think we just do the best we can. I have 3 sons and they all turned out just fine although I had my doubts about the youngest one for a while. As I see it, our jobs as parents are to teach our children to stand on their own two feet. Too many give in to their child's every whim and pay their way out of jams. That never promotes maturity.

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Excellent observations, ehern. I was going to say there's a parallel process with dads but it's not quite the same.

      I'm in the throes of the being manipulated while providing for his needs mode. Anticipating his departure all too soon.

    • ehern33 profile image


      8 years ago

      Well I surely ain't no Mom but what would we do without them? At a young ripe age we felt the comfort and security that we will never feel again in life. As we head into our teens, we won't remember this and they are just in our way but they are good enough to get us what we want. We can manipulate them, or so we think. We finally grow up and start our own life rarely looking back. Finally we settle down and we wish we had the security, comfort and unconditional love they gave us as kids. Mom is now wise, we love her dearly and what would I have been without her loving care. Finally, we have kids and we start the process all over, but this time, we say "What would Mom have done?"

    • Mighty Mom profile imageAUTHOR

      Susan Reid 

      8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hello Hubfriends. What an interesting and ecclectic bunch of comments. Gus -- you get a prize for being man enough to come by! And a big hug.

      To my women hubfriends. This is sort of like preaching to the choir, I know. So many of you have lived this exact (or similar) scenario. You are so right about leading by example and instilling the values that are important to US.

      JJ -- You are spot on in your observation that getting into Harvard is no guarantee that you won't totally screw up later. Addiction can take down the mightiest, most intelligent, most successful people at any stage of life.

      You are an inspiration to me, my friend.

      Nancy -- Prayer goes without saying.

      Msorenssen -- the word "independent" has been my mantra for years too.

      Advisor -- And if they never do buckle down and fly right, it's their life, not ours.

    • advisor4qb profile image


      8 years ago from On New Footing

      Awesome hub!

    • advisor4qb profile image


      8 years ago from On New Footing

      PS Sometimes they have to screw up before they buckle down and fly right....

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      You are a wonderful mom, You are even more experienced than the moms who go around with blinders on their entire life. So what the kid (A) gets into Harvard, maybe at the frat parties he does things that the Stoner (B) would never do! Just because one child is more successful in life doesn't make them any better than the other. Its their hearts that make the difference. And us as mothers that is our jobs to give them love, and teach them. Sometimes kids fall down in life and make mistakes or have problems, mothers shouldn't be to blame. As adults or young adults they may not have thought things through as us parents would have. Again, mother's shouldn't be blamed. I think you are a wonderful mom and you just keep being the great person you are, things will always work out in the end. I am living proof of that. My mom taught me well, I didn't get an Ivy League education but I got schooled in the Hard Knock life and common sense she instilled in me and although I made some serious mistakes and poor choices I would never say she is to blame. On the contrary, I think the seeds she planted in my heart and mind helped me straighten up in the end and change my life......Kudos to your hub! =)

    • msorensson profile image


      8 years ago

      I do not know if I am a good mother or not. I am just a mother.

      Yes, of course, I would love for my son to go to Harvard or Princeton or Yale but I have decided early on that whatever will make him happy is what is good for him so from the time he was 12 years old he became "independent" of me with respect to clothes and food.

      I taught him how to cook at 12 and while we went to the Mall together, I let him choose and pay for his choices while I waited in the lobby of our Mall.

      I only had to keep reminding him of two things: "To whom much is given, much is also required"..this is a Bible quote and "With great privilege come great responsibility"

      I think he is pretty happy most of the time and I am sure that his choices in life will be sound, whatever they maybe.

    • profile image

      Nancy's Niche 

      8 years ago

      Here are my thoughts; you inspire the values of love, understanding, responsibility forgiveness, and kindness by example. You love them unconditionally and show support while they strive to achieve “their” dreams. Need I say you also pray a lot. {•.•}

    • GusTheRedneck profile image

      Gustave Kilthau 

      8 years ago from USA

      Hi MightyMom - Well, I am certainly not a mother, but I undersatnd what you are saying. Gus


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