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A Letter To My Sons
I've been mulling over this entry for a couple of weeks now and today is the day that I write a letter to my sons. The hardest thing for a mother to do is to "let go" of her children. I know that this usually proves to be a great inconvenience to adolescents who have earned the right to be independent and I know that I had to be reminded of this on several occassions. It came time for you to make your own choices and live your own lives!
However, I simply wanted to express a few points. Perhaps you've forgotten about all the times you needed help with school projects, homework, and the purchase of the latest Playstation. All the breakfast, lunch, and dinner preparations over the past 18 and 20 years. Or could it be that I've taken all the shuttling to rehearsals, gyms, and relatives houses too seriously. Hhmm! That could be so! After all, your father still says that if I could bring you both back home and take care of you, I would!
I wanted you both to be strong, independent, and free to make wise decisions. I wanted you to find someone who would love you deeply and fully, as I do. I wanted you to declare a dream and pursue a vision to its fullness. I wanted you both to be happy and fulfilled! I wanted you to hope in an always better tomorrow no matter how bad today may seem.
Somehow, I always felt that I would be included in your lives! Afterall, who was your biggest cheerleader at your games? Who yelled the loudest and took the most pictures when you scored? Who went without so that you could have? Who would listen to all your stories and who would fight like a lioness does over her cubs when they are threaten?
You see, I still have problems letting you go? I love to hear your laughter. I yearn to see the smiles on your faces. I love the dinner talks and joking. Perhaps, that's why God has blessed me with so many spiritual sons and sons who have adopted me! You both taught me that God fills the void left by others who need me now!
So, I said that to say this: Thank you for both for allowing me to be your mother. For helping me to see the hurt and need of other young men and women whose mothers have cast them aside. Thank you for helping me to be able to receive love from "all" of my adoptees and to give love to all those He sends my way for nuturing. Thank you most of all for helping me to see myself. I'm not perfect (how could I have missed that one!), made some parenting mistakes, and learned maybe I held on too tightly and loved too hard.
Today, I desire more peace for you than you will ever need! More hope than you can possibly hold! and enough love to see you through eternity.
I love you both and I thank you for the experience of being your mom!
Always Loving You,