A Mother’s Grieving Heart
“I forgive him. After all, it was an accident. What will continually hurt me the most are the memories - the beautiful memories we made.”
These are the words from the grieving heart of a mother. Her 20-year old girl, her only child, has been hit by a truck. No one else died on the accident. The sad thing about the story is that the girl was on the safest part of the road waiting for a bus (and she rarely goes out of her dormitory!). The mother was interviewed at the local news today. There’s so much pain in her but the words that come out are full of wisdom and understanding.
No spiteful words against the driver of the truck and no helpful pleas asked of the government to help her sue or whatever possible things she want (which is usually the case with other bereaved families). It makes her sorrow more profound. As I was listening, I learned two (2) things:
Not your own
Our kids are not our own. They came from us and through us but that do not give us the license to command when (or never) to be taken away from us. “I took care of that girl for 20 years. I didn’t want her bitten by mosquitoes, I didn’t want her wounded in any way; and now she’d die like this.” There’s no word to describe the pain. But then again, we need to accept that we don’t own their lives; we can’t even control how their lives must end, or that we, as parents must not outlive our children. The key is acceptance. Time heals all wounds, as the song goes. In time, we’ll look back to those memories we shared with them and smile; by then, there’ll be no more pain.
Don’t blame anyone
“I forgive him.” Forgiveness is such a mighty word for a family left behind. I wouldn’t know if I can say those same words had it happen to me. On the stages of grief, a grieving mother would naturally blame and feel so much anger with someone she thought might have been the cause of her pain before going up to the next stage (which is acceptance). But this mother proved it need not be the case. It’s barely a week after the incident but she’s come to that stage of forgiving the (supposedly) perpetrator. By not focusing on anger, she’s very well already on her way to processing her sorrow.
Now the mother is faced with the bitter reality of having to prepare for the funeral arrangements of her beloved daughter. No matter how grave the feelings are, she has to face the menial tasks. Those deep seated sorrows may very well find their way on the funeral poem, on to the hearts of everyone receiving the program.
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