A Mother's Scolding Today is a Part of What Makes You Tomorrow
Who among you here does not experience scolding by one's mother?
If it's you, then I envy you, but...
Indeed, you missed the high pitched voice, the shout, the words, the tears, and the pain I have experienced. But it came with great lessons which helped me to become a better me.
Well, our mothers have different parenting styles. But I feel that majority have tried raising their voices in pointing out the wrongdoings her child or children has done. So, this article is about those kinds of mothers who disciplined their sons and daughters by scolding them. (It is to put a limit on this article; since, upon writing, there are lots of thoughts coming which I could not entertain them all at the moment.) I will try to shed light on the scolding part.
This idea popped out when I saw an advertisement about Grammarly. It is an online service that corrects your sentences every time you make mistakes. I am using it and very thankful for it.
With Grammarly, the correctness of my sentences every time I write gets better. Whenever I write a new article, it helps me avoid the errors I made from my previous write-ups. Thanks to its alerts that when I make mistakes, it gives suggestions to make it correct. With every alert, I ensure to make a mental note about it and try to fend off making the same mistakes in the future. Indeed, my previous incorrectness with the help of the heads-up of Grammarly made me write better now.
Let's Decipher It
From my story about Grammarly, the writer represents each one of us being a child, while Grammarly is our mother. The wrong sentences represent our wrongdoings and, the Grammarly alerts are our mother's scolding. Thus, our mother scolds us because she wants us to be better individuals. It is for us to make a mental note of it to make wise decisions that would give us a promising future.
Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching,— Proverbs 1:8 ESV
So The Young Would Understand
I know that the words coming out from the mouth of your mother might be painful, discouraging, and offensive to you, but there are teachings hidden in-betweens. It is like gold in the mud soil. It is bittersweet love. Yes! There is love in it.
Remember this always: your mother loves you. She might have said hurtful words to you, but it does not mean she hates you as a person. Instead, she was angry about your actions. So, you have to correct what you have done, and it has nothing to do with what you are. Remember, it is your actions, your decisions.
Another thing, you have to understand that she has said those words because she wants to push you to learn what is the right thing to do (but somehow in a bitter way). They have no other way, but it is it because probably that is also how their parents brought them up. So stretch your patience and understanding.
There are also times that they won't let you do something and would end up recalling all your faults. It is not to emphasize that you are stupid, but they are just worried of what you are about to do. It might be a mistake similar to your previous wrong decisions. So, it is like they pressure you not to forego what you planned to do because they only care and want you to be in the best state always.
Lastly, my dear children, your mother tells you what to do instead of you imposing what you wanted to do. It is not that you are incapable, but it is because they foresee the most probable outcome of your actions based on what they have seen in life. So, it is fair enough to listen to them. After all, mothers know best.
The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.— Proverbs 15:4
So The Mother Would Know
I know that you only wanted the best of your children. And as much as possible, you want them to grow according to your plans and teachings. But I want you to know that when you lecture them, you sometimes push them so hard. And, it ends up hurting them. Sometimes, the means do not justify the ends.
Firstly, do not just focus on their flaws, but also acknowledge their good doings. If you have an eye for mistakes might as well have an eye for the good ones. Praise them. Appreciate them. Hug them. Treat them to Jollibee. They will surely strive harder to do better.
Second, there were times when your child did something wrong, and it made you super angry to the extent of calling him or her stupid, foolish, useless, etc.. If you are into your child's best development, then do not do it. Stop naming your child bad names. Your words are what you are making them be. So, starting today, try calling them engineer, doctor, or any other great names. In this way, you are prophesying a great future for them and giving them a sense of trust that you believe in them; thus, you encourage them to become successful.
Moreover, point out the action and not the person. It means that you do not tell your child he is a bad person because he did something bad. Instead, tell him that what he has done was bad, and with that, he needs to correct it. In this way, you do not push your child away from you, because you do not see him as a badass, or you do not reject him. It somehow gives him room for improvement.
Lastly, you have to remember that your child does not have the same level of understanding as you do. So, every time you scold him, you might be giving a wrong message to him. It could be a rejection or hatred. So, it is important to know that he gets what you wanted to imply. Have time to talk with him. Ask him what he thinks the reasons why you lecture him. Then ask him what he plans to do next. And tell him what could be the consequences if it happens again.
So The Young and The Mother Meet
To all the mothers, your love for your children is immeasurable. You always want them to be safe, healthy, and successful. But do not let these ambitions pressure you in upbringing them because these might also pressure them to the extent that they fail to enjoy their growth. Allow the time and experience to mold them. Give them room for making mistakes. But always be their guide to let them understand what is going on. You've got to journey with them until they will be ready to spread their wings and soar by themselves.
To the children, again, do not forget that your mother loves you. No one and nothing can lessen nor get that love away from you. No matter how small your achievements, she is the only person who can be the proudest of you. So, please listen to every teaching she has to tell you because it could be hurtful today, but it would be helpful tomorrow.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Jason Behm