A short story ( well might become more of a long story) about BULLYING.

Sorry readers for the brief nteruption from my "housewife" thing which I'm hoping the second part will make more sense than the first part ha ha ha... but on a VERY serious note, this blog will mean more and divulge more than most likely anyone I know knows about me and what inevitabley empowered me to truly believe in myself and not to judge any child by anything they do or say or just are, but just help them to also believe in themselves and who they are and to stay true to everything that child has within them and dreams of what can be if only they accept and love every (exampes only) the ugly, overweight, disabled, homosexual, slow processing etc. part of them that they may or may not already know... and learn that whatever it is, is the thing that makes them special. The thing that makes them stand out so beautifully that people that can't understand that beauty and have no other alternative but to mock and bully what they know they can never have...

I was in 2nd grade, my baby brother was only in Kindergarten... (I get I was quite the fighter/defender of anyone I loved who had that "fight after school". I have never in my life let a friend go down alone). One day walking home from school with my brother whom I love with every cell of my body and soul, A group of 4th graders stopped us and pinned me against a chain fence and made me watch them beat my 5 year old brother so badly for being "gay"... WTF is that? He was only 5 years old. I couldn't do anything to save him. There were 4 older kids holding me - I couldn't fight. And Lord knows he would be the LAST person in the world I would never fight for. In that moment, in that defenseless position, I swore I would never let that happen to anyone I knew or didn't know who would be bullyed for ANYTHING. THAT as long as I live will be the one thing I will NEVER tolerate.

I will continue with this and provide why this particular blog has become something I feel is immediately necessary after MY personal story.

When I was 16, my family, with no less than probably 2 days notice informed me we were moving from Ohio to New Jersey. 16 is an amazing age... the years (for a girl) that lead to that defining moment depeneded completely on acceptance from most importantly your family... by then your friends are already on board :) and I was an exeption. My father gave me love regardless of what color I changed my hair to, how I shaved and slaved over a stainless steel bowl in bleach just to see what my hair would do... shaved my best friends hair before a Psychedelic Furs show (I think - Vicki Bender correct me if I'm wrong) and super glued her hair to my head. For her, that was extrordinary... besides the endless addiction to Pepsi cola she had, she never altered her appearance, she never stammered from my intoxicating influence... I loved her for that (well and her mom's fucking cookies). Anywho...

I inevitably and at the time pretty unwillingly moved to New Jersey. A town called Dumont. I didn't understnd the rules there, I couldn't understand why there was only one black family who lived in that town, why every person I met at that time was such a conformist. It was like moving to Pleasantville = not ANYWHERE on earth I would have fit in.

I got my first job at Foodtown where EVERYONE in town lined up to check out in MY line just to get a closer look ha ha ha.. what they didn't expect was to realize something I think they've never experienced before and somewhere deep down craved for... personal indepence.

Lord, High School, Junior Year? What could be worse... Although I never looked at it that way. In all honesty, the only concern I had was where I could find marajuana (OK - probabaly not getting published AGAIN for this) and I found that person or maybe she found me... School started, and I quickly discovered how grateful I should have been for my previous education as every subject was a reidiration of courses I had taken in 8th grade and became incsactionally bored. Beyond the bordem though, school came with so much more to battle with in the hallways... I heard the stories of people's wild imaginations of where I was from... and I ate it up like a cartoon fantasy. HOWEVER... my point - I entered a world in my completely abstract demeanor and regardless of the rumors, I was completely surprised by the acceptance by not only the silently creatve "freaky" people, but by the "jocks", the complete society that I had unintentionally interrupted. There were no bullys, there was no pain, there was nothing but total and complete acceptance, and for that, I am completely loyal to every "Dumonster" I have and will ever know. It took a lot to accept me and my little brother in such a predetermined environment of this white picket fence, perfect child land that we so clearly invaded without anything less than who we were determined to be.

I got lucky.. REALLY lucky. But I've found recently, not so many children in Dumont and recently in children of friends of Dumont who I will forever protect each and every one. A child recently in Grant School, Elementary.. jumped and died from a second story window and apparently because he was bullyied. A child is dead and his family most likely had NO idea what he was going through, what he was feeling... the pain, the hurt... so deep that he felt he had no other way to escape it. My pain and tears shed for him and his family...

Again, within days, a friend of mine from my days at Dumont High School who never had anything but lovely curiosity and a life that she grew into as a beautiful mother and disgruntled wife (well who the F not wife is disgrunteled - I said I can't spell) Not that I know a single man from Dumont who would EVER disgrace a woman, she overcame what things were (which of course everyone had to hide back then because every family was so FUCKIING perfect) and beyond everything she knew had a child with disabiities before Begen County NJ would do ANYTHING ABOUT IT, but by the time this child was diaganosed, she was BULLYED for her disability and as grateful as I am for all the friends jock. freak, stoner whatever accepted me for, her child, a 10 year old little girl with disabilities tried to take her life... After speaking to her mother whom I went to school with and accepted me for who I was, it was absolutely DEVESTATING to hear this childs story. I did my best to advise my friend from Dumont to not blame herself, to not feel guilty... to love her even when her daughter's telling her to go fuck herself. I take this VERY personally... Her daughter is disabled, and as a friend and a mother of a disabled child as well will NOT stand by for her suffering... I believe that things may come arise within the next 2 weeks. Her child because of sensory issues could not have the hair on her neck and was bullyed for cutting her hair... REALLY??? She lives in Fairlawn now a "Dumonster" like every one of us and including my besties from Ohio... I have already promised when her daughter is recovered, we will cut our hair the same and I will bring my son to her school to do what I do best... defend her daughter with everything I have.

A child from Dumont is dead... A child from one of our own tried to take her life for the same reasons, worst yet aware of the bullying even WITH her disabilities...

I have not other choice but the promise I made so many years ago about my brother... I will stand by her and her child, cut my hair, get the time with that child's school with the detrimations of bullying with that child and my own by my side and will tolerate NO MORE...

It's a pixie cut... kinda sexy I think - I would completely love the support that all of my "Dumonsters" gave me to give the same respect when this day comes to cut your hair in DEFIANCE and ACKNOWLEDGEMENT that BULLYING is FUCKING bullshit!!!!

I cannot at this time divulge our friends name but please if you know me, you can trust me... I see no better worth (than just the 80's) to stand by our friend and her daughter and make a statement to everyone who needs the lesson of graciousness you all gave me... I will post again when this day should come and where you should appear to support her daughter and support anti-bullying... FUCK these kids... I've never been afraid and I'm not about to start now...

Much love, relief of pain and tears from the families of Dumont whom are known and unknown... I will stand to protect you, just as I did for my brother. It is all thebsame to me... I will NEVER accept bullying EVER for ALL my life in respect for my brother. I will cut my hair and I will stand with her and we WILL make a difference...

Remember the grace you gave me. Not just for Dumont people but for ALL who are against bullying... EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE... It's only hair it WILL grow back I promise you... let me know where you are we will skype you into the crusade not only at that school but let's take this ALL the way...

Let's protect our children just like you protected me and still do... my love for you all is immeasurable. We need to stand up for these children who have already lost their lives and have already tried to take their own...

Message me... STAND with me... STAND WITH EVERYTHING I AM because of my brother (thank you for the strength and injustice to fight for I've learned at your expense - I love you Jim)