Adjusting to Parenthood a Fathers Guide

This is to answer a question posed on Hub Pages, about how to adjust to the birth of a new baby (like there's an old one LOL). While the answers posted were very well stated, and I believe have much merit, they were the views of Mom's not Dad's. So I thought I ought to offer some instruction here since the question posed appears to be asked by a male.

Now before I get into the paternal male bonding pattern and all that let's resolve an important issue in your question. You have posed the question in such a way that implies you will actually be given any credit for the birth of your child. Get this through your thick skull of mush immediately and you will save your self much future grief. Only the female of our species gets any and all credit for the birth process and it is credit that they will viciously and righteously remind you of at every opportunity. Trust me on this one, I have been witness to the birth of both of my children, was a Lamaze coach etc, played classical music and piped it through headphones over the growing uterus, even reminded my wife to practice her Keagel exercises; yep did all that even before it was popular, and I tell you flatly the credit for birth was all hers. If you are wise you will remind her of that more than just once a year on mothers day and when you do use a tone of respect and awe. It will pay many harmonious dividends.

Young man, (at least I hope you are young for you need to be young to undertake the tasks now at hand for the next 18 years or so), at first site of your child you may be overwhelmed with the idea of the miracle of life and your part in it's creation. That's a good thing stand there in the hospital take a minute or two and soak it in. Once your chest has puffed out a bit and you've stood a little taller, and said to all within earshot "Look at this! Look at my Son/Daughter." you will not recognize the tone of your own voice because you have never been prouder of anything you've ever accomplished. Go ahead soak it up enjoy it. Soak in the oohs and aahs of every female on the planet when they see your child. Puff that chest when other fathers give you a knowing nod, a smile, and pat you on the back, "Welcome to the Fraternity!" Ah yes enjoy it, but don't get too carried away with a swagger in your step, or pumping yourself up, millions of us have done it before and you're wasting precious energy; you're going to need all of it and then some for a while.

Why you ask will I need extra energy? Well to put it simply and plainly, you now have a new job lad. Take special note that I have not said a second job. That would belittle the task at hand by implying that some other job would have a higher priority. You may have other tasks now that fit in to your new job, tasks like earning a paycheck, going to the store, changing a diaper, feeding the baby in the middle of the night, but all of them are subordinate to and are but sub-tasks of your new job of being a father. It is an awesome responsibility. The best way to prepare for that is to recognize it's coming, get as much sleep as you can while you can, and practice stuff like waking up at 3 am and functioning for 45 minutes or so then returning to sleep. Cut what ever your personal budget is now for stuff like lunch, beer, partying, golf, etc. by at least a third and start husbanding supplies like pampers and formula.

Finally remember, that your child's Mother will nurture, every person your child ever comes in contact with will be a teacher of one sort or another for good and bad, but you will be their primary instructor in all things. What is the difference you ask? Well, the primary objective of teaching is to create a self-perpetuating learning process so at some point you can teach yourself or others, instruction however is the interactive process of showing someone how thru demonstration and practice. You will be Instructing your child in the proper application of all the knowledge they gather. That is the key I think, and with that thought I pass along this poem that hung in my Grandfathers house, and now hangs in mine...

A Little Fellow Follows Me

A careful man I want to be

A little fellow follows me:

I do not dare to go astray:

For fear he'll go the self-same way.

I cannot once escape his eyes;

Whate're he sees me do he tries;

Like me he says he's going to be:

That little chap who follows me.

He thinks that I am good and fine;

Believes in every word of mine;

The base in me he must not see:

That little chap who follows me.

I must remember as I go:

Through summer's sun and winter's snow;

I am building for the years to be:

That little chap who follows me.

- Lee Fisher

This final thought; if you can (and I don't think you can really till the blessed day comes, but ponder on it anyway) prepare for a new emotion, Unconditional Love...

Work Hard, Have fun and above all Be Koo-el!!