ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

The Adoption of My Son through Foster Care

Updated on November 11, 2013

My foster care journey began in 2002. After years of infertility, I had decided to join the world of foster parenting with the intent to adopt.

Don't get me wrong, I went into this with the complete understanding that the main goal of foster parenting was to assist with taking care of a child until they could return home.

This is the story of adopting my son through foster care. I have also told the story of adopting my daughter through foster care. My kids aren't blood related, but you'd never know that if you witnessed the sibling rivalry in this house!

My daughter was adopted in January of 2004. My son was placed with me in November of 2004, he was 2 months old.

The reason he was in foster care was that his mother was sent to jail and then prison. His grandmother was able to take care of him for one night but was not able to continue to do so. I don't know much about his father other than what I've been told by his mother.

For visits, they would pick baby boy up and take him on an all day visit. A member of the county staff would arrive early in the morning and I would have baby boy and his necessities packed for the day. They drove about 2 hours up to Tacheedah, the women's prison in Wisconsin, so that baby boy could visit his mother. I can't recall anymore how long the visits were, a few hours at least, and then they'd drive 2 hours back home. This is a very long day for an infant... especially a very hard to console infant.

Baby boy would cry and cry and cry and we could never figure out why. If he wasn't sleeping or had a bottle in his mouth, he was crying. I take that back, if I took him for a ride in the car, he would stop crying. The problem with that is if there was a stop sign or stop light, he would begin crying the second the vehicle stopped moving. As I'm sure you could imagine, this was very, very difficult. He was taken to the doctor numerous times, they found no medical reason for the crying at all. This lasted a few months and he out grew it thankfully!

Visitation while in Foster Care

The prison visits went on for months. Each time he was picked up for a visit, I would smile and kiss him good-bye, turn around, shut the front door, watch the worker buckle him into her car and then break down in tears. The emotional toll of being a foster parent can be difficult. No matter how strong you are, you do break down once in a while.

A few times he would come back and end up with ringworm, easily treated. None of us had it and it recurred fairly soon after these visits.

His mother would write him letters and send drawings for him from prison. I would write her back and send photos of baby boy. It was really weird at first because she wasn't addressing me at all in the letters, but was addressing her infant son as if he was reading them.

His family and I really had no contact other than these letters considering she was imprisoned and he was nowhere to be found. I was informed the county was trying to find his father but he was on the run because he had messed up on probation and they were going to send him to jail. So instead of responding to the letters about his son, he was hiding to avoid going to jail.

Termination of Parental Rights

I attended the jury trial for the termination of parental rights for baby boy's mother and father.

His father never responded to any contact from the county, the judge terminated his rights with no trial.

His mother was contesting the termination of her rights and decided to take the option of having a trial by jury. The jury was to decide if the conditions exist, by law, to terminate her parental rights. The judge would ultimately decide if her parental rights were to actually be terminated.

This was very different than the termination hearing for my daughter, that hearing was a voluntary termination of parental rights. I attended all hearings, this was a very long process, multiple days in court. At times it was heart wrenching to watch the responses his mother gave on the stand, to see her facial expressions and read into her eyes as she sat behind the defendant's table in the court room. Regardless of how much you want to adopt this child and regardless of how much it would be in the child's best interests... you see these people, the child's family, and you feel for them, for what they are losing. I left many of these court hearings in tears.

The jury determined that the grounds to terminate her parental rights did exist, and another hearing without a jury was set for the judge to decide if he would or would not terminate her parental rights.

The day of court arrived, it was a very nerve wracking day. The end result was, the judge did involuntarily terminate her parental rights. Previous to his ruling, his mother had tried to change her mind and voluntarily terminate her rights. This wasn't allow and the court continued with the involuntary termination.

Baby boy was adopted in March of 2006 and became my son.

Release from Prison

The evening of his other mother's release from prison, my phone rang. It was her.

She was asking if it would be possible for us to set up a date to see baby boy. Considering after the adoption she had kept in touch through letters and was addressing me in them, and that I had kept up with photos, and also considering that I'm a strong believer in open adoption unless the circumstances involve something that would be harmful or dangerous.... I met her at the laundrymat she was at, which was only a few blocks away from my home, that evening.

I walked in with baby boy and I could see the happiness in her face upon being able to see and hold him again. We stayed and chatted for a short while and exchanged contact numbers. I'm not going to pretend it wasn't awkward, it definitely was. She & I only had contact in letters previous to this. I knew she wasn't dangerous, I had known why she was in prison and this first meeting was in a public place. We continued to have in person visits occasionally, most times in my home. Baby boy, Baby girl, and I attended her wedding. She's currently getting married a 2nd time and we were invited but had to decline unfortunately due to a previous commitment.

Open Adoption

The level of openness in baby boy's adoption differs greatly from baby girl's.

Baby boy's other mother has our address & my cell number and can contact me at anytime should she choose to do so. We're also friends on facebook so she is able to view photo & video updates and has messaged me a few times on there.

While we don't often visit in person any longer, not purposefully, it's just how it worked out in this case, we do have the ability to contact each other when either party feels the need to reach out and connect. She went on to have two more children, as my kids got older, we got busier with life. We did live in the same town for a short while and ran into each other a few times. Baby boy has met his younger brother & sister. We ran into his other mother at the county fair last year. Baby boy was confused at first by this woman coming up to him since he didn't recognize her, but then you saw the realization wash over his face and he smiled and hugged her. It was an adorable scene.

She had asked my permission to share some photos of baby boy online with his other father. I said it was fine and appreciated being asked first. They sent back some photos of his entire extended family which I'm sure he will appreciate having in the future. I did show him the photo's, he showed interest and looked them over, then went on about playing with his transformers.

He does occasionally ask questions now that he's 7 years old. I answer to the best of my ability for his age level of understanding. Both of my children have known they were adopted since forever. I highly doubt they have one specific memory of being told they were adopted, it just has been a reality for them since they were very little.

A lot of people ask if I would do it again. Honestly, no.

The only reason that I say "no" is because of my age (I really don't think I can handle 3am feedings anymore lol) and the fact that I'm content with the family that I have now. I have realized my dream of becoming a mother, and it has made me happy beyond words.

My next dream is to get these 2 off to college, in say, about 11 years, and take up traveling. There's a lot of stuff out there that I want to see before I go, and I fully intend on making that dream a reality when the time is right. For now though, I'm enjoying being a mom and love every single experience with my children, even when the sibling rivalry rears its head in our household.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image

      happy 

      4 years ago

      I was married for 4years with out any child,because of this my husband

      start acting very strange at home,coming home late and not spending

      time with me any more.So i became very sad and lost in life because my

      doctor told me there is no way for me to get pregnant this really make

      life so hard for me and my family.my sister in law told me about

      (jehotemple@hotmail.com) from the Internet,how he has helped people

      with this similar problem that i am going through so i contacted him

      and explain to him.he cast a spell and it was a miracle three days

      later my husband can back to apologize for all he has done and told me

      he is fully ready to support me in any thing i want,few month later i

      got pregnant and gave birth to twins (girls) we are happy with

      ourselves. Thanks to (Dr.aminato) for saving my relationship and for

      also saving others too. continue your good work, If you are interested

      to contact him and testify this blessings like me, the great spell

      caster email address is (jehotemple@hotmail.com)

    • upsidedownworld profile imageAUTHOR

      upsidedownworld 

      6 years ago from Not a mental hospital YET! o.0

      Thanks Pamela. I have some very strong, honest feelings on adopting and intend on writing more on fostering and open adoptions.

    • Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

      Pamela Kinnaird W 

      6 years ago from Maui and Arizona

      Voted up and beautiful. Thank you for writing this very honest hub on your journey through the foster and adoption process. I am glad you were strong enough to persevere through the tough times.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)