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A life in the day: Adjoining Ambivalence

Updated on September 24, 2012

As we made our way down the highway to remedy the young couple’s living conditions, the stark reality became apparent our journey began on the wrong footing. Albeit true, Kiley had composed herself to a more socially acceptable consciousness; it would soon become apparent the group had lost its way.

Sitting in the driver’s seat next to a potentially seasoned young man left me wondering if life’s harsh realities had broken through the naiveté of taking the easy road. I recall the words of wisdom I shared with Kevin which typically fell on deaf ears. “Doing the easy thing and doing the right thing are seldom one in the same.” I was left to speculate if this short spell of reality actually achieved the result I prayed for.

As the radio in the car searched for a station playing celebratory music, it indiscriminately passed a news channel. Once again, I was harkened back to a relevant distance memory. As just a boy riding shotgun with my Dad, the silence was interrupted only by News Radio 88. “You give us twenty-two minutes; we’ll give you the world.” That particular slogan always mesmerized me, fore what I wouldn’t do today or back in the day, with twenty-two minutes with my father. So many unasked questions remained unanswered. So many of the very questions my son asks of me today, I would have asked of my Dad.

The words from my mother’s figure of speech resonated from beyond to bring me back in time; “When you see the shadows you need to turn back toward the light.” She was a symbiotic soul believing in the simplicity of a profound summarization of the situation. She would have added a point of finality to her wisdom such as “we’re lost”, or “we’re travelling in the wrong direction or heading down the wrong road.” The summaries could not have been truer in our case, metaphorically as well as literally, so to speak.

It was these very thoughts which got me through raising my eldest son Tim as a single parent. I chose not to let the moment pass then, as I would choose not to let the moment pass now. As parents we try to rectify the perceived shortcomings of our parent’s child rearing, in our untailored mind’s eye anyway. Therefore, if my son tried to succeed and subsequently failed, I had every intention of reinforcing the notion to try and if need be fail again.

I would reinforce the notion of giving my precious darling Granddaughter everything she could possibly need, as opposed to everything she could possibly want. Indeed, it is a fact that Kevin’s daughter cannot be replaced within the lifetime of Kevin. It’s simply a non-negotiable reality of life; or more explicitly, it should be. Fore without this basic constitution of uncontaminated adoration, the parent child relationship is destined to be stuck in reverse.

I decided this thought of clarity from beyond was enough for me to arbitrate our journey. I voiced my concern regarding the 20 minute trip taking nearly an hour. As it turns out the GPS was set for home; home being discerned by the gadget as Arizona. My mother would have loved the irony of that symbolic moment.

We corrected the course heading toward the light to guide our way home. My wife Jen and I mentally prepared for our preordained mission. Tonight we would enjoy the seemingly never ending realization of the anticipation to this moment. Regardless of what the future may hold. Regardless of what the future may hope.


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