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Are You A Successful Parent?
Many parents may, in the heart of hearts, dread parenting but they will hasten to emphasize that they love their children. But why do they dread parenting when they have abundant love for their children? It is because there are no set rules that may help them in their parenting ways nor is there a guide to tell them that they should act in a specific manner in a specific situation. Further, a method that suits a particular child in a particular situation may not work with another child in the same situation. In short, the word "success" in parenting is a myth, though parents love believing that they are successful in raising their children. The fact is that parents will be able to determine the right parenting methods only retrospectively.
So, the question is which is the best method to raise children? Experts firmly say that consultant parenting is one of the best methods that can work for almost all types of children. Let us now look at a few types of parenting.
There are parents who may never want their children to feel bad and hence, they may be ready to make all possible efforts for mitigating situations that may cause discomfort to their children. There are also parents who go a step further and insist that their children should get only specific teachers whom they have zeroed in on. Of course, almost all the parents keep in touch with their kids' schools for knowing how they do in their studies. In other words, all these parents keep challenges away from their children. This type of parenting is popularly known as "helicopter parenting."
It appears there is a turbo version to this type of parenting. In fact, this version seems to be more ubiquitous these days and it can mostly be seen in affluent families. Dr. Madeleine Levine, who has authored the book “The Price of Privilege,” points out that helicopter parents are forced to over-burden themselves, thanks to their attitude of making every decision on behalf of their children. These parents are not aware that they are sending wrong messages to their children. The result is these kids will not be strong mentally. Their feeling of personal worth will be very low as well.
The other type of parenting called the drill-sergeant parenting also robs the personal worth of the kids. In this type of parenting, children are constantly commanded and directed which means the kids are never allowed to take ownership of their problems. In fact, children of drill-sergeant parents will feel humiliation, pain and weakness.
You may ask which is the most successful type of parenting? If you adopt methods that instill a feeling of self-efficacy in your children, you can be certain that you are successful as a parent. One of the main steps to succeed in becoming such a parent is that you must make your children responsible for their decisions. Being a consultant parent, you must focus more on their actions. To elaborate, you will be allowing your children to make decisions, take actions and learn from the natural consequences of their actions.
For example, if there is a tricky situation, you can ask them what they think and if they have any solution. Instead of you offering the solution, you can make your children think and come out with a solution. In the initial stages, there may be wrong decisions but the lessons they learn will be invaluable. In due course of time, they will be able to assess various types of situations in the right manner and come out with perfect solutions. To summarize, you must make conscious efforts to become a consultant parent.
We often come across parents who help their children surmount the turbulence they face when they are in the middle school. Children are in general adolescents when they are in the middle school. By helping them overcome the turbulence they face, these parents deprive them of the elation they may experience when they surmount the challenges themselves. A study reveals that such adolescents may soon start feeling emptiness and when they grow up further, they may lack the practical skills that are needed to face real-world challenges.
Of course, there may be times when you may have to intervene and help your children. But by allowing them to take responsibility and face various types of situations, you will be providing them with what is known as 'autonomy,' the most important ingredient that can help them grow into successful adults.