ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Attachment Parenting and Discipline

Updated on May 1, 2007

One of Dr. Sears eight ideals of Attachment Parenting is Positive Discipline. Whether or not you agree with all the aspects of Attachment Parenting, you may be interested in learning more about positive discipline.

The idea is to create boundaries and limits for the child without placing unrealistic expectations. Parents need to take into account the developmental stage of the child before holding him to standards he is physically, emotionally, or mentally incapable of achieving. When you set the bar too high, you are just setting yourself and your child up for failure.

Trusting Children

Attachment Parenting theory advises parents to trust children. The child must both feel free to communicate his needs and believe those needs will be met. It starts in infancy. Parents must respond to the baby's cries and other demands promptly because infants are not capable of outright manipulation. All their wants are needs. This may seem obvious, but extend that idea out into older childhood. Is your child really trying to drive you insane with that incessant tapping of the spoon on the table? Or is she lacking in sound stimulation?

Respecting Children

Parents need to view children as human beings just as deserving of respect as adults. This doesn't mean you need to cater to a child, but don't treat them condescendingly either. Parents need to realize that a child is doing his best in a given circumstance at a given point in time. He is only as smart as his experience has taught him so far.

Children should be looked upon as innocent and loving, not wild animals that must be tamed. (Although they may act like this at times.) Proponents of positive discipline hold that it's not a parent's job to give life lessons because life will provide plenty without our help. We are here to support the child in his journey of learning - often that will include learning about what happens when he sticks his finger in a light socket.

Our children are here to teach us just as much as we are here to support and nurture them.

When Children Misbehave

Parents should look upon misbehavior in the context of what's going on in the situation, in the child's life. Attachment Parenting is big on the idea that a parent's main job is to respond to a child. That means we are supposed to respond to the child's behavior in a way that is helpful to her growth and development rather than expecting her to respond to our wish for a perfectly behaved child.

Instead of punishing, Attachment Parenting would have you rationally discuss behavior with children. Proponents take the stand that punishment sends the message to the child that we expect perfect behavior, which is of course impossible - even for parents (which is something you may want to remind yourself of if you're trying to positively discipline your child and you accidentally thwack her on the hiney with a wooden spoon instead.)

Try putting yourself in your child's shoes. Take a breath and think before you speak.

Beware the Spoiled Brat

All this positive discipline is supposed to give the child a happy-go-lucky childhood and the wisdom to grow into a nicely adjusted adult who doesn't have the need to resolve childhood hurts. But beware. This is not always the way the world works. As parents part of our job in being not only to shelter and support our children, but to prepare them in a very real way for the real world. In life people get upset, short-tempered, and they fire you if you don't follow the rules. Will children who are never punished be ready to face the disappointments of a low SAT score or no date for the prom? There are consequences in life and we need to teach our kids about them one way or another.

Choose your parenting theories wisely, then administer with a grain of salt. Above all, trust your instincts - you have them for a reason!

Comments

Submit a Comment

  • Ruchi Urvashi profile image

    Ruchi Urvashi 

    6 years ago from Singapore

    Yes, I agree with the writing. When there is a problem, we need to discuss with the child instead of giving punishment. Good one.

  • L.I.N.C profile image

    L.I.N.C 

    7 years ago from Montreal, Canada

    There is a new and revolutionary ATTACHMENT PARENTING theory quickly gaining international acclaim. HOLD ON TO YOUR KIDS by Dr.GORDON NEULFELD (Canadian psychologist) is a book I highly recommend. Dr. Neufeld is being sought after in the European Community, Mexico, Israel,etc. What I like is that his theory closely examines the impact our relationship has on the growth and development of our children. The topic is huge and beyond beginning to embrace in a HUB comment section, but please know it takes us w-a-y past Dr.SEAR'S work that peters out around ages 12/13. It is work that enlightens us to the reality that our work is not done until maturity does us part with our kids.

  • birthowl profile image

    birthowl 

    7 years ago

    Hi Lela, thanks for writing this hub. Attachment parenting means giving your love to your child. And a child raised in love will communicate and listen to its parents. Rules and regulations can be there but not without that deep love and trust. Another important aspect of attachment parenting starts with the first day of life: babywearing is very important for the future development of the child. Read more here: http://sambasling.com

  • Write at Home profile image

    Write at Home 

    9 years ago

    Great hub! We need more good hubs on the topic of attachment parenting.

  • cindyvine profile image

    Cindy Vine 

    9 years ago from Cape Town

    Definitely a better researched hub than the other one on the same subject!

  • dr c profile image

    dr c 

    9 years ago from San Francisco Bay Area

    Hi-

    I liked your hub, but attachment parenting doesn't mean no discipline or consequences, just more natural one, those that would occur in the real world.

    Attachment parenting, while encouraging attention to the child's needs also advocates structure and behavior management through positive discipline - rewarding good behavior, in an effort to encourage the child to repeat the positive behavior.

    Thanks for an interesting read.

working

This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

Show Details
Necessary
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Features
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Marketing
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Statistics
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)