- Family and Parenting
Benefits of Having Children After 30
Being A Younger Or Older Mummy / Mommy?
As a subject very relevant to me, I feel quite strongly about the concept of having children over 30. I'm in my early thirties now and though I don't currently have children, I can certainly relay the benefits of waiting until you are over 30 to start a family.
I was born to a woman who was 39 when she had me. My mum didn't choose to have a baby later in life, it was just what nature intended. As a child growing into a teenager, I was adamant that I would never have children.
At 18 I saw my best friend of the same age fall pregnant from a split condom. There was never any question about keeping the baby, as in the 7 years that I had known her, I knew that all she really wanted was a big family. Her mother had given birth to her older brother at 17 and her at 19. I admired her for being so maternal, but at the same time I thought she was crazy to commit to such a huge responsibility at such a young age.
Her boyfriend left her 2 weeks after the baby was born, and like her mum before her, she was now a young single mother.
Guides For Over 30 Pregnancy And Parenting
No To Babies!
I was brought up in a very stable family life. My parents had been married for 17 years when they had me, and at school I was very much an outcast in terms of having a traditional family. Most of the kids I went to school with were from single parent families, with much younger parents then mine.
A year after my best friend gave birth, my oldest friend whom I had known since I was 5, gave birth too. Again, I admired the fact that my friends were mothers, but I personally couldn't understand why they would choose such a life changing path so young.
From my teenage years until my late 20's you could say that I saw life. I was heavily involved with the music industry and I certainly made the most of it. While I was travelling around on tours and partying hard, my two closest friends were stay at home mums with 6 kids between them. I didn't get it. I knew that they were great mums and that they were happy with their decisions, but I thought they missed out on a lot of different life experiences.
When Everything Changed
When I was 28 I met my match. Completely out of the blue I met the
most wonderful person whom I pretty much instantly fell madly in love
with. And that's when everything changed. I gave up my career in music,
quit partying quite so hard and settled down. That's when I started
thinking about having children. Then I went from thinking, to wanting.
From a little girl I had always said, no children! To be honest, I'm not terribly maternal in terms of other people's children. I don't see babies and want to pick them up and cuddle them. But then it dawned on me, I'm like that with cats. The cat that you see as my avatar is, and has always been my baby. She is spoken to like a baby, cuddled like a baby and pampered. Well spoilt actually. But I don't see other cats and want to stroke them, or even have them near me. So I am maternal really, but only for what's mine.
Why Having Children Later Is Great
Meeting the most wonderful person and sharing a life with them has made me broody. I'm not quite there yet, but I now know that I will be. After so many years of not wanting to have children, here finally at 31 years of age I'm nearly ready.
I've done my partying, I've travelled, I've studied and I've lived a really colourful life. Now I just want a happy home filled with a little family.
I think the benefits of having children after 30 are great.
- You've hopefully found your life partner by then
- You have a strong relationship
- You've built a stable home to bring a child up in
- Hopefully you will have accomplished career goals and success in whatever personal form
- You know yourself much better then when you were younger
- You have had more life experience
- You aren't as selfish
- You're able to manage a household
- The little things that mattered when you were younger don't anymore
- You have more patience
- You know what you want from life
- You've done the things that your kids are going to try!
Books On Becoming A Mother
It appears that more and more women are waiting until after 30 to become mothers. Being a single woman through choice in this day and age is a common thing, we aren't expected to marry young anymore. Career is also a big aspect of why women are choosing to wait.
Look at the celebrities who have become mums later:
Liz Hurley 36
Susan Sarandon 46
Christie Brinkley 46
Geena Davis 46
Courtney Cox Arquette 39
Sarah Jessica Parker 37
Jennifer Lopez 38
Plus I'm sure many others.
3 Friends, 1 With A Very Different Life
The two friends that I wrote of earlier both say that they envy the life I've led and wish that they could of experienced some of that too. They wouldn't be without their children, but over the years they have come to realise that maybe, just maybe, they were a little too hasty in having children so young. That they have missed out on their 20's in some ways.
At 31 I'm very pleased that I never considered having children until later. Being a younger mum wasn't something that ever appealed to me, and I'm happy that I've waited. As the child of parents who had me in their late 30's, it would seem that I am following in their footsteps to a degree.
I do think that there is a downside to having kids later. From personal experience, I have always worried about my parents being so much older than my peers parents. I don't want to transfer how I've felt my entire life onto a child of mine because I choose to have them later.
I didn't want to have children prior to meeting my match, so the earliest I would have had a child was at 28. I don't want to be selfish and at 38 decide that I'm ready, and either concern a growing child as I'm an older mother, or on the other hand, leave it too late to actually have a baby. It's not a decision I'm taking lightly. For me personally, I'd rather have a baby in my early to mid thirties than any later. But I guess I'll have to wait and see what happens!
Something that does really bother me is when you hear in the news that a woman has had a baby via IVF and is in her 50's or 60's. Just from personal experience of older parents, I don't think that age gap is fair on the child, especially if like me it is the only child in the family. I heard a really poignant quote a few years ago, and that is "you are never too old to be an orphan". I really believe that to be the case, but I'd rather be an orphan at 50 than at 20. I think that these older women who are having children at such a late maternal age are selfish. A child should not be born to be a carer, and that's what they are sure to become.
Ultimately, it's a very personal choice. I don't think there is a perfect age to have a baby, but I would certainly recommend living life to the fullest, whether you choose to have a baby at 18 or later in life. I guess you just know when you're ready.
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