ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Blending Two Households

Updated on July 15, 2019
katiekellerman profile image

Katie is a bio mom to three wonderful kids and bonus mom to one. She enjoys sharing her experiences as a blended family.

Source

Before We Became One

Step-parenting, a thing I promised myself I would never do again. But, you can't help who you love, right? After my first marriage as a step-mom and a bio mom, I feel I'm quite seasoned in the logistics of step-parenting. But, step-parenting is a whole different ballpark than parenting a biological child. It comes with adjustment, resentment, and sometimes a pesky ex. It's taught me that how much you can love a child that isn't yours. I'm a bonus mom to a 13 year old boy, and mom to a 7, 6, and 10 month old.

Our story started almost four years ago...

We both were freshly divorced/separated from ours ex's. So, not only were we dating (casually), but sneaking around due to the kids. We didn't make any moves on introducing the kids to each other until about six months in. I came from a very abusive marriage, so I was very weary of who I let into my life, but more importantly my kids life. From our experience, this is crucial to not throw kids into the mix right away. Be serious, but not too serious that you are moving in a week after meeting. So, we waited about a year and half before bringing up the topic of blending households with our kids. His child was an only child and mine were two peas-in-a pod.

Both our circumstances are different when it comes to co-parenting with our ex's. My ex isn't involved in my kids lives and his son is 50/50 between 2 homes.


To Blend or Not?

Starting a relationship with someone who has kids can be tough, as you can be seen as the enemy to the child. But, starting a relationship where both parties are bringing children in, can be even harder. You're taking these kids from two families and throwing them together and expecting happily ever after.

Once it comes to the point you're ready to combine households it needs to be a family decision.

Some questions to ask your significant other prior to:

  • How will we parent together?
  • What is your parenting style?
  • Who will pay X bills?
  • Will you "nacho" (nacho kids, nacho your problem)?

The biggest question is, how do the kids feel? Have you spent enough time getting to know them?


Don't expect everyone to get along right away. Think of it as building a house--you have to lay the foundation and build the walls before making it a home.

Give It Time

Don't expect once the last box is unpacked that it will be a "normal" happy home. It will take months for acclimation to happen.

The biggest tip is to check on your kids and communicate. Ask them how they're feeling about the move or if there is anything you can do to make it easier. It's not easy for the parents or kids to learn a new way of living and to have to think about the extra people in the house. Communication with your children and partner will prevent blow-ups and resentment. Make sure all the kids feel at home.


© 2019 Katie Kellerman

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://maven.io/company/pages/privacy

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)