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- Advice & Tips for Parents of Teens
Broken Home Syndrome - Every Girl Needs Her Daddy!
Roughing it out as a young boy growing up without your Dad is difficult. He needs that male figure in his life to show him the ropes and show him how to be a man. But what about our daughters? What about these little girls who are going to grow up looking for a father of her own children? The only man a girl has to depend on is her Daddy. But what if he isn't there? Who does she turn to?
Male Role Models
Father and Daughter relationships are beautiful! It is a relationship like no other. A mother can tell her daughter she is beautiful all day long but when her father says it, it almost has a different meaning. My sister and I are fortunate enough to have had a great father since the day we were born. There was always compassion, love, and integral lessons to be learned. Great fathers show their daughters what a hard working man looks like. Great fathers show their daughters how a man should treat a woman. Great fathers show her what it's like to have a man in her life who loves her unconditionally. He teaches her to have respect for herself. Someone to set an example for her, folks! I'm not saying mothers don't do these things, but it brings a different light when it comes from her Daddy. So you see, it's not about fathers teaching there daughters the same values as they would teach their sons. It's about teaching them self respect, self esteem and becoming a strong woman. Whether or not this man is her biological father or not, she still needs that father figure/male role model in her life. I know a few people who grew up without their own father, but were fortunate to have a close male role model in her life. Uncles, a neighbor, if you're religious a male youth group leader. Step up and show her what is important.
Some Statistics For You
- 92% of women who grow up without a male role model are more likely to divorce when they get married.
- 52% of girls who stay in bad relationships because they want to be love (not ARE loved) have grown up without a father figure.
- Teens without fathers are twice as likely to be involved in early sexual activity and seven times more likely to get pregnant as an adolescent.
Looking For Love in All The Wrong Places
Statistically, it is more likely for a woman who grew up without a father, to stay in a bad relationship not because she is in love, but because she wants to be loved. Without a father figure in her life she has no idea how a real man is supposed to be treating her. Fathers (again, whether biological or not) are supposed to set an example for these young girls. Plain and simple. Too many girls growing up without that father figure in their lives are on the streets getting pregnant by men who she thinks love her. She might look to her mother and say, "Well, my Dad left my Mom" or "My Dad doesn't respect my Mom." So this is what she has learned. This is the kind of "love", and I use the word loosely, she tends to find in her own relationships. The streets are chaos and they will suck her right in and sometimes to the point of no return. Be proactive and build a foundation, a template, a starter pack on what she should expect from a man she decides to enter a relationship with.
For the Mothers
So you and baby's Dad didn't work out. What right do you have to talk down about their father to or in front of them? Whether they are a deadbeat or not. If they're the dead beat dad, trust me, she will figure it out on her own. I'm not saying talk good about him either. You can't talk good things about a father who doesn't want to be in his own child's life. If anything, teach her that this is not the way a man should treat a woman or his kids. Just don't open your mouth at all and I promise you this, she WILL figure it out on her own.
Now, you may have your daughters father wanting to be that male role model. Wanting to help you support her and show her what a real man is supposed to be like and educate her. Consider yourself lucky, ladies, because let's face the facts. Once you and your daughter's father part ways, it's gonna take more than your own discipline for you to grow into a respectable woman. If you can't love him, talk about the good things that you respect and admire about him. Don't take something so important from him (or her for that matter) just because you two couldn't work things out. It's selfish. Point blank.
For the Fathers
Now let me set something straight. You do not have to be with this girl's mother to be a good father. Being a Dad isn't easy. But be there for her. Stop by the house a few times a week and just talk to her. See what's going on in her life. Educate her on the lessons you have learned by being in relationships with women. Tell her about the mistakes you have made. Be real with her. The biggest lesson you can teach your daughters are the mistakes YOU have made and what you did to get through it and make things right. No one is perfect. Hell, this world would be a pretty boring place if we were all perfect and all the same.
Now, if you're a father who disrespects your daughter's mother, step back and take a look at yourself. What would you do if you caught a man treating your daughter the way you treat her mother? Good god! Be the man you would want to see your daughter with. And in the same thought, teach her how to be the kind of woman you would want to be with. From a young age, girls will draw their own conclusion on what men should be like based on the men in their life.
Promiscuity, Sexual Assault, and Sex Trafficking
There is a huge epidemic regarding rape and sexual assault not just on younger and older women, but children too! It is found that at least 9% to 28% percent of women say they experienced some type of sexual abuse or assault in childhood. Some of this may have to do with young girls walking around flaunting everything they got underneath their skirt. If your daughter's ass is showing from underneath her dress, I'm sorry, but she's ASKING to be assaulted or harassed. Well, mom dresses like this, why can't I?? How do we prevent this? Teach your daughter about privacy, modesty, and appropriate boundaries. Fathers have the power to model where the lines are between being shown affections appropriately and being inappropriately touched.
A young girl needs that father figure in her life to tell her she is beautiful. She needs him to give her the confidence within herself to know that she is a beautiful person inside and out. Letting her know she is worth way more than she thinks she is. Unfortunately a lot of women grow up without that. Whether you want to believe it or not, or how stupid you may think it sounds, it's the truth. So the negative reaction to having a lack of love and compassion in her life, she turns to the streets. In order to satisfy the unmet needs that a girl's father should provide, she is more likely to become promiscuous and vulnerable to predators who KNOW she has Daddy issues and use the things she wants to hear as bait. And these are the girls getting sucked into prostitution and bad choices. These predators don't care about her, they want to make a profit off of her emotional status.
But how do these "predators" know who does and who doesn't have these emotional needs? I read an article about prostitution and the male sex traffickers who have been incarcerated. When a "pimp" was asked how and where he found these young victims he simply explained, “It’s easy. I see a girl at the mall. I go up to her and say, ‘You have beautiful eyes.’ If she smiles and says ‘Thanks,’ I leave her alone. But if she looks down and says, ‘No, I don’t,’ I know I’ve got her.”
That just goes to show. The girl who said "Thanks" KNOWS she has beautiful eyes. She is too confidant for this "pimp" to be able to handle. Her Daddy probably already told her she has beautiful eyes! He needs to victimize the one who looks down at the floors and says "No I don't" because he knows what kind of control he can have over her simply by telling her what she wants to hear. The things she never heard from her father or another male role model in her life. It's disgusting and I'm absolutely appalled.
I Wanna Know...
What's your Daddy status?
Life Isn't Guaranteed
Not all girls who grow up in a household without their fathers will turn into a low self esteemed prostitute. And not all girls who grow up WITH father figures will grow up to be the CEO of their own record company and marry the man of her dreams. But statistically, without a male role model, women are more likely to make bad decisions and engage in reckless activities that could possibly destroy their lives. It's not science folks. It's common sense. Real life, real talk. This stuff REALLY happens. Be aware of it. Small changes can make big differences. Teach respect to your daughter. Look out for your niece when her dad isn't around. Again, be the man you would want to see your daughter with at the end of the day. You are and will always be her first love. Think about it...