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Calming an Upset or Angry Child

Updated on August 12, 2012

Helping Your Upset or Angry Child

The relationship you have with your children is very important when it comes to an upset or angry child. Research has proven that the more connected parents are to their children, the less they get angry with each other. Giving your child a sense of well being, and modeling a sense of well being for them, will allow them to mangage their anger in a healthier manner.

Dealing With an Upset or Angry Child

It is normal for a child to feel upset or angry
It is normal for a child to feel upset or angry | Source

Parents as Role Models

When parents are connected to their children, they know them well. They are less likely to provoke their children to the point of anger. Parents who have a good relationship with their children understand that they do not have to resort to harshness or be overly strict in order to be control in control of the situation.

Children who do not have good role modeling from parents, or are not connected to them, have more inner turmoil within them. There may be a void that causes an anger deep inside.

It is important to let your child feel. Don’t fear anger. Don’t try to stop the feeling of angry. The more you make them push it away, the more likely it will build up like a boiling pot and come out overflowing. Without knowing how to handle their feelings, they will carry this into adulthood. This anger will never go away, and be vented toward their family and parents in many ways. The unconnected child does not have anyone to turn to, and they may not know what to do with these feelings. They can grow up without coping skills and this will affect many dimensions of their lives.
Instead, encourage your child to become aware of their feelings. That feeling angry is natural, but acting on it impulsively may be harmful to them and others.

Don't Label Your Children

As a parent, be a good listener. Help your child work through the upset and angry feelings. Show empathy. Repeat back to them what they have told you, so they get the feeling that they have been heard. Avoid being judgemental. Turn these times together into teachable moments. Give them an opportunity to vent in a healthy way.

If your child is constantly misbehaving, try not to label them as a bad kid. Sometimes children can pick up your angry feelings and making the anger in the house, a part of themselves. Sometimes a child may misbehave because they feel insecure or fearful about things that are going on around them. The feelings children have are a big deal to them, and so as a parent it is important to realize they may be bigger to them than they are to you. Never diminish their feelings. Take them seriously. Look at the good things about them. Take a moment to appreciate them. Think for a moment how difficult something may be for them to understand, even if it is simple for you. Children are not adults. It is your job, as the parent, as the adult, to nuture them in times of difficulty for them. Your does not want to feel like a bad kid. Their upset or angry feelings are coming out in a negative way.

Work to build up your child’s self esteem. Self esteem and self confidence do not happen automatically. Good self esteem grows from the efforts of a parent building them up.

Build a Relationship With Your Child

An angry or upset child needs someone to turn to. Be understanding and loving and you will help them.
An angry or upset child needs someone to turn to. Be understanding and loving and you will help them. | Source

The Upset or Angry Child Needs Someone to Turn To

Sometimes anxiety can be the source of their feeling upset or angry.. A child may withdraw and be afraid to tell you they have worries. Again, it might be little things to you, but it is most likely bigger to them. Children are not adults. They do not have the ability to process things the way adults do.

It is important to deal with their feelings head on. You will be teaching them that their feelings are valid, that they are a worthwhile person, and that they have the good qualities they can build upon. Your child may be struggling more than you know.

Teach them to feel, let them know you are there for them. And be there for them. Try to understand things from their perspective. You may not be able to make things better, but you can help them get through it. Your strength, will give them strength, and will give them alternatives to acting out in anger.

The upset or angry child always need someone to turn to. You can help them channel their feelings in a more constructive way. Be there for them. Be supportive, loving, and understanding.

What Laughing Together Can Do

Laughing with your child can be more beneficial than you could ever imagine. Humor does many things.

  • It diffuses angry feelings
  • It keeps things in perspective.
  • It helps change your mood.
  • It stops little things from escalating into something bigger.
  • It releases built up anxieties and tensions.
  • You can bond through the laughter.

Be a Good Role Model

Be a good role model for your children. Your children are watching everything you do. By modeling appropriate expressions of feeling upset or angry, you will be teaching your child valuable lessons.

Make sure you model being a clear headed adult, instead of explosive anger. If you show your child you easily rage, what do you expect them to do? Think, then act. You exemplify how to handle tough situations without going off the edge.

Be a model of calmness and it will influence your child greatly. You also want to avoid physical discipline, verbal put downs, and emotionally abusing your child. This will cause feelings of low self esteem, and result in a deep seated anger within them. Teaching children about helping others and kindness, will help them gain good and positive feelings.

Anger is a normal feeling. But anger can be destructive. It can put a barrier in the relationship between parents and children. Where there is distance, there is a lack of communication. And it is communication that can turn everything around.

Create an environment that is open to communication. Help your child feel comfortable approaching you. Try not to judge, yell, or lessen their feelings. Apologize if you make a mistake.Try not to let your temper get the better of you.Seek help if this is a problem.

Your Child Will Mirror What You Feel

Take the Opportunity to Build a Relationship

Show your children, that everyone makes mistakes. They don’t have to be perfect to be loved.

Unconditional love is the greatest gift you can give your children. Together you can grow from the experiences you share.

Our children grow up very fast. Take the opportunity to build a relationship, to grow close, to feel together, to understand each other, to laugh together. ;

Words are only a small expression for the feelings we have towards our children compared to what we feel in our heart and in our soul. Think of how you really feel about your children before you label them as upset or angry. Think of who your child is at their core, before you lose your patience or become frustrated with them. You know them best. You know the real them Appreciate all there is to appreciate about them. You know who they really are, and you know the goodness within. Be grateful for the opportunity to talk, and hug, and connect.You might just be surprised that your child feels the same way.

Listen with your heart. Acknowledge their feelings. Empathize with what they are going through. Allow them to feel, don’t stuff their feelings away. Love with all your being. Communicate honestly. Accept your children for who they are, and your upset, angry child might just melt in your arms.


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    • kissayer profile image

      Kristy Sayer 5 years ago from Sydney, Australia

      Such a helpful hub for so many. Well done!

    • profile image

      DoItForHer 5 years ago

      Growing up in my family the strongest, angriest person stopped the other angry person. It wasn't violent at all, but instead of learning how to acknowledge our feelings, we learned how to stop being angry- sort of.

      This is not a good soft skill! Looking back I'm surprised I had the friends that I did. I wasn't horrible, but terribly immature.