Conversations With My Children - Round 3

As always I enjoy the conversations I have with my children as I expressed in Conversations With My Children - Round 1 and Round 2. Sometimes I regret not having audio going constantly so that I can replay what my children say and do (if not for anything else than to use it against them when they get older). There is not a week that goes by where I am not laughing about the things my kids do and say it is absolutely endless and I love it!

So this week was truly no different. What was especially funny about this week was that it was early on and I was already feeling run down because we have a full schedule right now with track, baseball and karate. This means that there are only two days a week that we have nothing scheduled Friday and Sunday. During the week there are moments when we are in transition and waiting for the next thing to happen and this happened to be one of those days. The conversation was priceless.

To get the full effect of the conversation I have to go back a day and also state that there are actually three parts to this conversation.

The first part was a day earlier, Monday, when my son approached me and in passing said, “Mom how come you didn’t digest me when I was in your stomach?” He of course was referring to when I was pregnant with him and his sisters. My husband and I kind of laughed a little and then explained that although he was in my tummy I had not eaten him and he was in his own little space. My son said, “Ok!” and went about his business. Although now that I think about it I am certain that his mind was turning the whole night until the next day. He is my deep thinker and always approaches me with the strangest questions (only strange to me because my mind does not work that way).

The second part happened the next day when I picked up my kids after school. One of my daughters SJ (the one that knows how to hotwire cars) started asking me on the way out of the door towards our car if I had gotten her phone message. I was a little confused by what she meant at first. So I asked her what she meant and she said, “I called you from school my teacher let me.” I was getting a bit concerned because I did not hear a message and I had not heard the phone, I started thinking that something bad had happened. I know that sounds silly but the week or two before I had been contacted by their teacher four days in a row (two sick kids, one injured kid and the list goes on you can read about some of these in A Day in the Life of a Mom). So I started to dig a bit further and as I did I noticed that my daughter was smiling really big. So I asked, “Why did you call me sweetie was something wrong?” She immediately cut me off and said, “I have underarm hair!” She said this as if she were telling me that we were going to Disneyland. I was a little shocked by her excitement because I had noticed the hair several months before but did not say anything to her. I wish I could get that happy about having underarm hair or having to shave but I digress. Her excitement was making me laugh. She proceeded to make me call her dad, grandpa and grandma so that she could let them know of her new findings. She told me that she was sitting in class stretched and looked to the side where she saw one of three hairs and then tried to pull it out. She said it hurt way to bad (I could only imagine) and then she showed her teacher who was just as excited as her (that poor teacher lol). That was enough excitement for one day and after my other two kids made me check their armpits too we were all able to go home to get dinner and to get ready for Karate. I figured that the action was done for the day but boy oh boy was that far from the truth.

The third and final part happened during dinner right before going to Karate (Karate is great for kids, Karate for Kids). I made an early dinner so that we could go to the later class. I could hear my kids talking while they were doing their homework and I was making dinner but didn’t think anything of it. Finally dinner was served and we were all sitting around the table. As we sat down my kids started to bombard me with questions. I actually felt like I was at an interview. I had once thought I should be a 911 operator and went through the rigorous application and interviewing process. I passed all of the tests except for the final interview where you are seated at a huge table and there are several people sitting around the table and they shoot difficult questions at you from all the directions at rapid fire. That was how I felt with my kids at that point. The only difference was that unlike the interview this rapid fire questioning was making me laugh not sweat. I should also say that we eat dinner at a huge table that actually used to be a door so it is pretty big and my son sits next to me and my two daughters across from us.

And here is where the fun began. When I sat down both my son and daughter said simultaneously, “Where do babies come from?” (I was prepared and you should be too if you have kids, How to Explain to a Child Where Babies Come From) Knowing that this was not the answer they were looking for I responded, “From their mommies.” They both said, “We know that but where do they come out of?” I said, “From their Vaginas” My son was trying very hard not to laugh but I could tell he wouldn’t last too much longer. He was averting his eyes away from me. Then he said, “How do they fit?!?” Oh lord I was trying so hard to hold it together. “Well it is not easy.” I said “Luckily for me your sister was half the size of a normal sized baby so it was truly easy for me to deliver her.” I added. At that moment my daughter interrupted and said, “That’s it I am not having babies!” Was this the same daughter that had told me before that she was going to have 10 babies? Boy how things had changed in a moment. After a bit of thought my son asked, “Well what about us?” He was referring to himself and his younger sister, VJ. “How did we come out?” He asked. “Well, they had to cut open my stomach to get the two of you out.” I responded. His younger sister was not very happy about that. “Oh that is just wrong!” “I don’t want to hear anymore.” She said thoroughly disgusted. “Yeah but its better than being born out of her butt!” said my son still trying not to laugh. Of course this is where the poop jokes began I mean he can’t be a boy without the poop jokes. I explained to them that I even have the scar to prove that the doctors cut my stomach and opened it up to get my last two babies out. Then SJ asks, “So how do babies get into the tummy anyway?” So I got a little technical and said, “Well the man has sperm and the woman has an egg and they come together to create a baby.” She said, “How do they grow?” So I said, “It’s kind of like a seed (they were learning about plants at school so I thought it would be a good connection boy was I wrong) a seed needs nutrients and water to grow…” Before I could finish SJ interrupted me and said in a sarcastic tone, “We are not plants we are humans!” Then all of my kids started talking all at once about everything that we went over and it was at this time that I totally lost it, I couldn’t help it I was laughing so hard and then my kids started laughing too. We laughed for a very long time and it was fun.

That was the end of the conversation for that day. I cannot wait for the next installment.