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Daddyhood- Life is serious now?
My Son- Aidan
Life is filled with surprises
By Sean Monaghan
This is the summed up story of how a child can completely turn a life around…as well as some general insight to the road of fatherhood. It begins with a stab of fear, about whether you can take what’s coming your way, and then evolves into acceptance, because in the end real men don’t question “can I do this” they question “how am I going to make this work”
Speaking from the voice of someone who indulged in poor coping choices, anything to pollute the mind and steal me away from reality, a child is without question a hard shake of a reality check…but it’s also a blessing. Nothing would have pulled me out of the stages of self-defeat I was incurring on a weekly basis, that seemed to be on a constant downward spiral, but then the realization of being a father, having an example to set, a life to provide for, a woman to love, and a family to build…suddenly all my problems went from serious, to super serious, because it was time to grow up. It’s not about the problems and solutions in your life that make you grow up, it’s the cost of emotional expense and value that people need to feel and see for themselves. People afraid of taking on this responsibility have a right to be, there is no greater sacrifice because you are no longer living for solely yourself, but now you live to be the role model you probably were still looking for up to the day you were forced into being one.
The fear factor of daddyhood has stages…initially, the birth is the beginning. Truly traumatizing event if you are not properly prepared, doctors shoving scissors your way saying to cut the cord and you’re in such shock, here your baby is in front of you, and you want to take care of it delicately, and the first thing they give you isn’t a pillow, not a little outfit to put on them, nope, a sharp object and the great delegation technique of “cut the cord and be careful not to snip too close” yepp…that’s how it begins. Beautiful and graceful….
Shortly after this the next very intense moment for a man won’t be the sloppy eating, we’ve seen it, we do it. It won’t be the goofy faces they gradually learn, cause sure we will think its cute, but it won’t shock us…nope…its that first ‘accident’ they have, that I don’t even believe can be labeled as human excrement. If you’ve seen the tar pits in movies that portray the dinosaur age…that kind of goo is what is classified as baby shit. The first time I saw it I told my wife I think that poopy diapers should be on her and ill handle the rest…well…that didn’t go my way, I was soon quite experienced and almost at the point of wearing a fanny pack…yeah…minus the fanny pack thing.
Gradually they begin to move around more…they crawl…adorable upbringing….they can’t move to fast…they start to take steps…you applaud and cheer, little do you know what you are clapping for and encouraging is the very defeat of your peaceful upper hand of the pack and play and crib that massages your mind in times of need. They begin to walk…and then…it happens. All hell breaks loose. They want in everything, the more dangerous, the more flattering. The parental structure and mind becomes a feeble item in need of constant attention and several packages of ibuprofen. And that’s the beginning of when you begin to look back at baby photos and say, it was wonderful when all they did was sleep.
The growth of a child is easily the most rewarding thing in a life time, but also the most challenging. My first son has just turned 3. There is no guide to this, no perfect way to do it, just in the moment, and seeing where things land while being as supportive and as loving as you can. The best thing you can give a kid in life is stability and values. It’s not about how spoiled you can make them with toys…its about bringing them up the right way. Too many people seem to lose sight of this…but hey, that’s the way of the world…and teaching acceptance is just one of those wonderful values.