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Dads can make joint custody work with their help.

Updated on November 23, 2009

Divorce and Separation

Divorce is a trying time for both parents. In the ideal world it would be terrific if parents could work together for the good of their own children. It is the children who suffer the most during this pull and tug between the parents. Often the parents are both guilty of causing the child to feel guilt. Because they see them arguing, often it is about the kids. So they think they are the cause of the separation.

Both parents need to accept the responsibility for the way their restrained relationship is causing emotional harm to their loved ones.


Share joint parenting together in harmony

Dads need to share an active part with children

All dads can spend time reassuring their sons/daughters that it is not their fault. Explain that parents have problems that have nothing to do with the children. Like managing their finances, personality clashes, and the stresses on both juggling their jobs and the home. Parents often find that they have drifted apart for many other reasons.

When the father tells the child he will be there for them, he needs to make sure he is there. If for some reason he cannot make it at that time, and then reassure them you will sort things out the very next day. And keep to this promise.

Parents need to work through their difficulties when the children are not around. Joint custody will not work if you are dragging the children into your battles. Kids can be cruel. They may be contending with teasing by supposed friends or bullies at school. Be understanding and talk to your children. They wonder if it is partly their fault, and through no fault of their own, it could affect different children in a variety of ways. Some become involved in fights at school, because other children tease them, which could result in lower grades and other behavioral problems.


Share joint access

As their father, this is the time to show your children how much you love them, no matter what else is happening around them. Work out suitable access times to suit both of you, be fair it needs a lot of give and take on both.  Children need to love both parents, do not destroy this by playing one parent against the other.  It will end in frustration and could force them to take sides.  This is not good for either parent.  Children often look up to the father as the stronger person in their lives.

There will be times that both parents may not be able to live up to their access time arrangements.  Work it out amicably; do not fight against each other.  School functions are an important time for both parents. If you work together, it will mean a smoother transition for both parties. You need to explain why you could not be there to your child/children, do not leave it up to your ex, to explain why you could not be there for them.

Special Times together

Christmas and birthdays are times when both mothers and fathers need to work together.  Share your time equally with all family members.  Grandparents need time with the kids too.  Do not leave them out of special functions; give them the chance to celebrate with them by creating good memories for the children to remember. 

Fathers, take the children to those special places on picnics to the zoo, play games with them.  Make them feel special when you take them to the movies. Do not make them feel you are doing it because it is your responsibility.  Enjoy every precious moment with your children. These days we never know when we may lose them.  Do everything you can to let them know they are special and that you love them.



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    • Eileen Hughes profile image

      Eileen Hughes 8 years ago from Northam Western Australia

      Neningha, Actually all parents should both care for their children. They both had them, so they should both look after them.

    • Nemingha profile image

      Nemingha 8 years ago

      Some dads do and some dads don't but all dads should.