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Dear Daughter, Here's Why I Do NOT Work

Updated on June 19, 2013

I'm a Stay-at-home Mom, Not a Jockey!

If you think I'm going to sit on my high horse and list all the reasons moms should not be working, this isn't that type of article. Yes, it's from my point of view and having been a working mom turned stay-at-home (quite by accident) mom, I can account for both sides of the fence. So don't trot off just yet...

My position on this topic is just because you have the right to, doesn't mean it is the right thing to do. First and foremost a woman should do what is right for her family- this is a personal decision that often translates into society's expectations. I believe if a mom can stay home, then it's in everyone's best interest for her to do so. By "can" I mean it's a lot more possible than you think. Single moms are excluded here- it truly isn't a choice. Ultimately the kids understand that mom is doing what's best for them by working.

For all the rest of us, unfortunately the following thoughts have become controversial, outdated, and God forbid...traditional:

  • It's a given responsibility she owes to her family, which is a choice she made when deciding to have children.
  • We must consider the financial and emotional needs of a child before we have one.
  • You simply can't nurture a career while nurturing your child.
  • The decision to work is based on priorities.

Having listed those opinions above, I want to make clear that mom working can be turned into a positive for instance if there is family support to help care for the kids, that is better than daycare. If kids see mom and dad working together as partners and with their work schedules then that is positive as well.

However, I think society's influence takes precedence over a woman's motherly instincts. I think money comes first and kids begin to have their own expectations and we get trapped into wanting them to be happy, believing we need to make money to keep providing for those things that make them happy. I emphasize "things" because they can get used to that equating to happiness rather than plain and simple time and attention from mom.

I know from experience that in order to work, you have to suppress those motherly instincts until they become squelched and, well, no longer instincts. In fact, I never gave motherhood a real chance even right after my first baby was born because I knew I'd be heading back to work. Caring for her became a short term job in my mind- 10 weeks until my leave ran out.

Where feminism screwed up was they pursued giving more accolades for mothers working than staying home with kids. Most feminists fight for the working mother and do little to represent the stay-at-home. The working woman notion was based on a group of women who found it best for them to work, which I won't argue, but to impose that on others isn't right. They've generalized a very specific and personal choice.

Lately the working mom is as unnecessarily glamorized as the Kardashians. We are being lied to when the myth still looms in the hearts of all young women that women can have it all...and feel fulfilled. I might as well tell you you'll land a good job making the salary you want as soon as you graduate college. What a joke!

Like I said before, I'm not here to bash working moms. I'm here to help moms consider this topic, and urge society to think on it...let it truly be a personal choice and not an expectation to work or to prove a feminist point. The stay-at-home mom needs representation as well. Before we adopt the ideals of a select group of feminists, we should use our own heads on this very important choice. Having it all is equivalent to kids having less than. I bet if we reworded that phrase so it represented the kids' side then it wouldn't be such a catchy phrase.

If you believe you don't have a choice financially, you're letting society decide for you, once again. It's a lie about women having to work because the family can't afford things on one income. It's called downsizing! And I call it B.S! It is possible to live on one income. Overall, going back to work should be because of several factors- if it's just one factor then that could easily be arranged and compromised in order for mom to stay home.

I know, at times I want to work too because up to my 32 years of age (when my first child was born), work was what I did best. I miss financial and social gains that come from climbing the corporate ladder...or from having a second income. Then I get out of society's head and into my own and realize I wouldn't trade this time with my kids for anything. I find it disheartening to have to address this point when much of what needs to be acknowledged here should be a given.

Wrong: It should read 'The radical notion that women are not men'

Society's Issue or The Child's?

Recently I read an article (link above) posted on Huffington Post by a working mother, Sasha Emmons. I believe it's another move on women's rights and another bag of myths. The following is a quote from the article referring to her daughter: "Not long ago you asked me if I love work more than I love you and your brother." At some point all kids will ask their parents why they go to work. The author replies with many women's rights clichés and other answers resembling a polished up political leader, getting ready for a press conference. One being: "you'd never ask your father why he works. His love is a given that long hours at work do nothing to diminish." And...oh honey it's so sweet you don't know anything about women's rights and feminism yet. I'd be wondering why this author's daughter didn't ask her father because mine has inquired numerous times why her dad has to go to work and why I do work on my computer (when I'm writing).

The author turns this innocent inquiry into a women's rights issue and fairness battle fit for a tantrum throwing five yr old, yet I can't help but think she should have learned an important childhood lesson herself: Not all things are fair. A mother is not the same as a father in the children's eyes. There is meant to be a different connection there that begins in the womb for the child. They know nothing about feminism or hidden political agendas to their benefit. they have simple desires and needs. Most include their mothers time and attention. They don't care about mommy having the right to work, they just know mommy goes to work and leaves them. If it is hard for many empty nesters to let their kids go at18 think about how hard it is for a child to let their parent go to work.

We can have a child and go back to work to resume the life we led before kids. It is a right. But can somebody inform the kids that society has changed in the last 50+ years so in turn a child must change their needs as well? Even though women's wants and needs changed throughout these progressive years, children still have the same needs and wants. But after all, with the technology (babysitting gadgets) parents must be able afford, it is necessary for moms to work. Kids are catching on that they need more material wealth than maternal wealth.

When this author's (Emmons), daughter asks only her mom why she works, her mom should read into that not for the sake of a feminist preaching opportunity, but ask herself if her daughter is seeking closeness/a bond she isn't getting from her. Emmons clouds over a simple issue with her overcomplicated feminist agenda. The author/mother goes on to state: "I work because even at your young age you've absorbed the subtle message that women's work is less important and valuable -- and that the moms who really love their kids don't do it." Does it seem to anyone else that this comment is degrading to her daughter?

Whose Choice Is It?

Let's imagine for one second that children had a choice. Of course they'd want their mom home with them if at all possible. I hear parents say they do so much for their kids (mostly materialistic). Providing material things for them and involving them in every extracurricular activity available isn't parenting them. Parents have gotten in a routine of giving into material wants from kids but not emotional.

Again, not to persecute working moms, I want to emphasize that there are ways to lessen the impact on the kids by mom working. Have other family care for your children, try to wait a few years until they are a bit older, let your kids know what your work money goes toward and don't list the material extras (i.e. house, food), try part-time work (this is a great compromise), spend time wisely with your kids so that they are not being babysat by tech gadgets.

Many women find themselves in a position where they have to work. A single mom has no choice, but does a wealthy, low, or middle class dual income family have a choice? Yes. My mom was a stay-at-home until my parents abruptly divorced when I was 10. Then she went on to work two jobs at times. She did what she had to do. No one would fault her for that. I mention this because many families do have a choice.

Admittedly, I have a problem with those that have materialistic lifestyles, and yet both parents still feel the need to work. I think it's fine to love one's work as the author, Emmons, of the Huffington Post article explains. She would never make her daughter choose between art and her- they should be able to love both. Love for something is different than earning money for it. You can love more than one thing of course, but you can only be with one at a time- it is a choice.

I wonder if it's the work, the money, or prestige/status that women love the most. The author claims a love for writing. I share that same passion and write nearly every day yet I can't boast about my income in the same way Emmons can. Writing has been around for centuries, but our kids are only kids for a short time. Why should we have to choose...because kids are that important.

I do not agree with..."I work because this nice house and those gymnastics lessons and those sneakers you need to have are all made possible by two incomes" as Emmons states in her article. So basically the child chose her mom to work because it's for the child's extras- and no mention of what designer brand clothes her mom enjoys or other extras not for the child, but notice she only points out what the kids are getting from the deal, placing the burden on them. A child will equate her worth to material items and/or money. My daughter enjoys dance lessons, a nice house, and shoes. Come to think of it, I know several stay-at-home moms who provide a good house, lessons, and shoes to their kids so this point is irrelevant.

Gut and Guilt

Live with the guilt or go with your gut. The first time my daughter was sick, really sick, was at daycare- 3 months old. I wasn't the first person to comfort her when she was feeling lousy. This was also the first tug at my heartstrings as a working mom. Luckily this instinct never had the chance to be squandered and a series of unfortunate events led me to stay at home.

At the time of my first child's (my daughter) birth, I was a career woman by every definition- the best at what I did, working 50 hours a week, enjoyed regular raises and awards, enjoyed traveling for work. Suddenly the country took a hit, about 6 months after my daughter's birth. I had a "choice" to be one of those laid off in my industry, which took a major hit during the recession's beginning. When I say "choice", I really do mean this. I didn't have to be one of those laid off, but I knew this was the fork in the road- my kid or my job.

I had no idea what we'd do for money. I made slightly more than my husband so my income would be missed. An unused college degree was also looming over my head. It would mean a 50% pay cut for our family. He wasn't thrilled about the idea, but I've always been a where-there's-a-will-there's-a-way kind of gal. It is possible even within an already meager lifestyle to afford mom to stay home

Let me back up a bit... At 10 weeks old, I put my daughter in daycare and went back to work. I felt everybody watching me to see if I'd be as good at my job as I was before. The pressure is there and very real. Other than sleep deprivation, it was an easy adjustment. So unnaturally easy that I began to worry. I'd sit at my desk and gaze at a picture of my darling daughter, then get back to work. Her bright blue eyes in the picture, no diapers, whining, fussing, constant feedings. Easy, but it shouldn't be this easy...were my thoughts.

In the mean time, the daycare employees were concerned about my daughter- she wasn't taking naps. Babies less than 3 months old need those naps to thrive. She was getting sick often too. It didn't feel natural going back to work and leaving my child for 10 hours at a time. That's when the distinction between easy and natural became apparent to me. Work was easy, leaving my baby with strangers was unnatural. I made a scary choice and it turned out to be the right choice.

I'll never forget it when my daughter was 3 yrs old, she told me out of the blue she didn't like going to daycare and began crying as if it was something recent, saying she missed me when she was there. Let me remind you, she was 6 months old when I took her out of daycare.

More on Myths

I mentioned some myths about working moms in the opening paragraphs, but to draw from the book featured below, I'd like to include some of this author's myths as well:

  • "Men can have it all, so why can't we"?
  • "The term "working mother" is misleading. If she is working, she is leaving the mothering up to someone else.
  • "The roles of dads and moms are fully interchangeable." They are not, because men
    and women are not the same. There are inherent, biological differences. As
    Venker, the author, demonstrates, "fathers will never be parents in the same way mothers are". Thus the androgyny ideal is a feminist myth.
  • "Can't stay at home in this economy". Rubbish! A flawed economics case for moms going to work, since money is such a common justification for the decision to go back to work and leave the kids at day care. From personal experience, that second income goes to daycare, transportation, and many times unnecessary extras.
  • "My kids just love daycare!" More than you?

Making That Choice

  1. Think about short term goals and long term goals.
  2. Consider priorities as a family.
  3. Financially, think about needs versus wants. Food, shelter, clothing are needs. Take-out meals from fancy restaurants, 4,000 sq. foot home, and a Burberry brand jacket are wants.
  4. Take the words "I can't" out of your vocabulary. Scratch off..."I just can't stay at home" or "I can't afford it".
  5. Visit and revisit all possible scenarios. Don't set your plan in stone before your baby is born.

Modern Traditionalist

Gabrielle Reece, Volleyball star, serves her family.

Gabrielle Reece wrote a book (link provided) that caused a stir among feminists. Others would say she is a modern woman with traditional beliefs. Within her book, she claims that it's best and natural for a woman to serve her family. We don't see the star in the limelight as much since she had her family, but she said the sacrifice is natural. It's what we, women, do best. The popular idea that when we take care of ourselves, we do better for our family overshadows an equally important thought- taking care of our family, is taking care of us as well.

Dear Daughter,

I do not go to work and I admit it wasn't my first choice, but I never gave it any thought initially. Actually I felt I had no choice. If I had thought about it I never would have gone back even for just a few months. I followed society's expectations and my hope for you is to not do the same. Your value is where you put it, not where society tells you.

I found what I love to do...again and only because I stayed home with you. It allowed me to cultivate my passion for writing. I knew I was good at my job prior to having you. Full time motherhood was an obvious challenge that I wanted to take on. I do it for you and I do it because I have grown more as a person by this challenge. I've gotten to know the very best of myself and even the very worst. A traditional job is easy, but full time motherhood I admit can scare the bejesus out of anyone. I hope you take on tough choices bravely because that's were real rewards reveal themselves.

Love Mama


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    • SixIRISHKids profile image


      7 years ago from USA

      Raising children is not easy. It is a full time job. If a mother or father are not doing it, someone else is doing it for them, like grandparents, aunts, uncles, a daycare, sitter, school and so on. I took pride in raising my children and being a f/t stay at home mom. I also took the time to earn two degrees and run a f/t business from home, which turned into a nice company. It took time coordinating all of this due to the kids being in the middle of it. It was never easy, but I found my place. My decision. No one else's. I come from a long line of women family members who are and were stay at home mom's. When I moved to another state, the majority of the women worked and many questioned my choice. I'm not too sure why I had to validate my degree and work establishments on top of raising my children. Being a stay at home mother should have been acceptable by itself! Some parents do not have a choice and that is understandable. Some women choose to work and that is understandable too. Staying at home with your children is a personal choice if you can do it. Your hub was wonderful. Thanks for sharing!

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 

      7 years ago from Philippines

      I have heard the most successful women say that motherhood comes first and career is a poor second. However, they work because they have to. Oftentimes as a young woman you want to focus on your career and make a go of it. Then you have children and all your priorities change. Nothing comes close to having your own baby and being there for them. My mom always said, your child will only be that way once in a lifetime, and if you can be with your child then you won't regret it. When they've grown up or gone off to college then you can think of things you can do which will make you happy. Get dogs, get a job. But the best option is to work from home, so that you can have a career even as you get to see your baby's development stages, at the same time have a foot in for when you want to work full time later on. Not everyone can do this, but if you can, it is, as I think you would say, a wonderful option that is more precious than diamonds.

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from The Great Northwest


      at the time I went back to work after my first was born i was searching for a daycare and I found a good one, but the search was scary because on the news there was a predator that had been caught running an in-home daycare, well it was the lady's husband but he was sometimes in the home when the kids were there. Very scary and my main point is that it's unnatural. Most women feel some pain when leaving babies to go to work and I think it's unhealthy to get less sensitive to that pain. I understand though that not all mothers have a choice, but to those that live wealthy lives in a dual income family, many could cut down on the toys (adult toys like cars and technology) and have mom stay at home.

      Thanks for stopping by to read.

      I am glad you insisted on staying at home- my husband didn't know what to think of it at first. But it takes the mom to be the voice of the child who can't even talk yet.

    • profile image


      7 years ago

      Let me tell you how much I can relate to this article. I just wrote on another blog site this exact same thing! I used to work. Six weeks after my son was born I returned to work (the "norm"). I was so scared and so nervous about leaving him to go to work but luckily I had my mom take care of him for me. I still didn't like the idea of working and being away from my son so I asked to decrease my hours at work and my supervisor was so understanding that she allowed me to pretty much create my own schedule. It was kind of against the rules because even though I was doing part-time work I was still on full-time status. They never switched it. But that's neither here nor there. I felt the need to stay home with him! My mom was a stay-at-home mom as well and I could remember as a child I didn't understand it. I was happy to have her home but I actually did question why daddy had to work and she wasn't working. I just viewed that as the norm to go to work. As a mother now I could appreciate her so much! I understand why she did it. Now, the hubby and I moved to another state. I didn't have my mom anymore to watch him. At first, we both were looking for jobs. He landed a job first. He didn't pressure me any more to find a job and I didn't look any more for jobs so I (secretly was happy) became a stay-at-home mom (something I've always wanted). The thought of putting my child in daycare was just one of the scariest feelings I could ever have. My son is only a little over 1 and a half old (22-month old). He can't speak and tell me if someone hurt him. The idea of placing him in daycare with no option of my son communicating to me anything that happens in the daycare was scary. Daycares today are not that trustworthy. You just don't know if you are putting your child in the "right" hands. I just couldn't take that chance. My hubby would mention every now and again about working but I insisted that I wanted to stay home with my son. He understood where I was coming from as far as our son not being able to speak and tell us if someone harmed him but he was just really worried about the finances, especially when he realized the take-home pay for his new job. But I insisted that I really didn't want to work and that if I had to work I was determined to find a job staying at home. Now, I found a job staying at home. I was so determined to do it and I did! I'm going to keep finding ways to generate income by staying home and still raise my son.

      I agree, a mother should be home with her child. Unless you have no other choice, I think it is best! When both parents work, you never really spend any quality time with your child. The child is pretty much raised by everyone else but the parents. I couldn't see it that way for me. GREAT post!!!

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from The Great Northwest


      Thanks for your support. We actually have no idea what it will do or how it will effect kids someday. I just know for most moms it doesn't even feel right to leave their kid with someone else, it's just something some women think they have to do. It's certainly not glamorous to stay home, it's much harder.


      thank you also for your support. This is a tough subject to write on because I know many women who also work hard in their profession and unfortunately many believe they have to nowadays.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Thank you for this article! As stay-at-home mom I really appreciate it. It is true we might have a bigger house, be able to take more vacations, and have a second car if I worked but I wouldn't trade the time I have spent home with my kids for any of those things.

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 

      8 years ago from Canada

      Izetti, I applaud your courage in writing this very non-politically correct piece. I agree with you wholeheartedly, but know that this flies against the spirit of our age. I believe that kids who grow up under the nurturing of a parent, instead of an institution are so much safer emotionally, and that studies will be done twenty years from now, documenting how farming kids out to daycare at infancy harms them.

      Thank you, thank you, thank you for your bravery, and I will be sharing this. My sister stays at home with her two girls, and both of her girls are doing so well academically, and socially. A mother's influence is so strong, and that bonding is something you cannot create in a daycare. Blessings to you, my dear.

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from The Great Northwest


      I've had a busy summer so I haven't been in my comment section much. I really don't understand families with one parent making enough at their job to pay for daycare! Just stay home! I think women are on this quest for having it all so they feel like they must do both, but it's like a dog chasing it's tail. We can have it all- I've looked at my life in phases. I've had a career, I've worked hard at tedious jobs as a youth and now I'm raising kids. I certainly don't feel the need to do it all at once. As I've mentioned before, my husband was molested by a babysitter so I don't trust many people in general when it comes to caring for my kids. If I do it best then I should be the one doing it.


      Raising a child is the toughest and stay-at-home moms not only do not receive a salary, but do not receive much respect in society either. We literally do it for our kids, our family, and ourselves as mothers. I like that I did not take the easy way out. It was so weird to me to hear working mothers calling up the daycare people to ask something about THEIR OWN kid. They aren't there all day so there is so much they don't know about their own kid.

    • vandynegl profile image


      8 years ago from Ohio Valley

      I love this! Usually, the best stay at home moms are the ones who have been in the workforce and know the feeling of leaving their children. I was also in that boat and feel so much better about being with my children. It is the toughest job, because yes, being at work, while others are caring for your child, IS easier, but emotionally for us, it is not.

      Thanks for writing a great article!

    • Darkproxy profile image


      8 years ago from Ohio

      cute video at the end, and honestly at the ages of your son and duaghter the thing I can see that is best for them is for you to care for them over day care. I was five or so when I got a blowjob from a teen at a day care. I doubt that much has changed since. In all honesty most people spend so much that they rarely see how futile paying for something is in fact useless and unneeded. I stopped paying for a cellphone I never really use. That's money saved. I only hope your daughter doesn't pull some crap at an older age of patriarchal oppression. I mean ideologies are like cocaine for young people trying to feel important.

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      XXX Dude,

      I agree. I think men with kids are far better workers than women with kids and that's a just what I said above about them being able to separate work and family better. I totally agree that if women want to compete in the workforce and make that a priority that they don't need to have kids. It goes along with the myth that women can "have it all".

    • XXXDude profile image


      8 years ago

      Lavander you really are misinformed there is no way paid maternity leave is good for the economy. It will drain employer's bank accounts with no return when that money could be used to expand a company. If a woman wants to earn the same money as a man just do what men do and sacrifice time form family or don't have kids you know that women without children tend to out earn men, just ask any CF woman in NYC.

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Levertis steele~ thanks for your support.

      XXdude~ I think if society wasn't living so materially and beyond their means then it is very possible for a woman to stay at home. Like I said, when I stayed home our income was cut in half- that's pretty drastic and yet we made it work.

      Mrs Hozey~ you bring up a great point. it's one thing for a mom to believe she couldn't afford to stay home, but its another when she can but still wants to work. I've always found that odd.

      slmilburn~ yes, sometimes I wondered if I'm flawed wanting to downsize to stay at home. It's sad to feel like the exception instead of the majority. It's no secret that working is far more rewarding externally, but being a mom at home is mostly thankless, it is very intrinsically rewarding. Wow from your whole comment, I know that you "get me". Yes, you totally understand what message I was trying to convey.

      lavender holly~ I'm not sure it will do any good here unless you've been through this personally. Mothers are usually paid less due to taking more time off because of kids and other commitments due to kids. In a family you have to make the best choice and I believe men are better at separating work from family. It's nearly impossible intrinsically for a woman to do that. It's not about roles, it's just women act like men when at work. That's weird.

      Men typically make more when they are the only provider.

    • lavenderholly profile image

      Victoria Raquel 

      8 years ago from Tejas

      Feminists are fighting for paid maternity leave; and having women work is not them taking the men's role. We're not that intrinsically different. And don't you see anything wrong with women typically making less than their male partners?

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      lavendarholly- the baby is attached to mom from conception- there is a BIG difference if only just for the birds and bees aspect. Scientific aspect would be the mother carries and forms a different bond than dad. When a baby is born, they are drawn to mom- everything is about her. You do know the mom carries this child and an actual bond forms there. When and if you have children, ask your kids why they are all over you and want mom only and the most...often. Kids don't give a rat's butt about equal rights. If men can then why cant women? Well you don't see a bunch of dudes going around saying if women can carry a baby then why cant men- some things they do well and other things we do well. Let's respect each other as the sex we are, not trying to be like the other.

      No, most men typically do not give up their job. As I said before, women typically make less when they become mothers. And as nature has it, mothers are very important to the kids. Go ask a kid why that is. When a kid is sick, who do they want the most? Mom. I don't know entirely why that is, but I think we can both sort of figure out that mom is different than dad in a kid's eyes. I think your first question is something maybe a kid can answer or you'll figure out when you have kids.

      I understand feminists support the decision , but perhaps it's more society's expectations that she goes back to work because our lifestyles and standards of living are more material. If it's a choice then why would Gabrielle Reece be under fire with feminists about her statements concerning serving her family. Biologically we were set up to be nurturers. Besides equal rights and all the external b.s do you find it at all odd for a mother to leave their child at the age of 10 weeks (average maternity leave)? That pang in the pit of a mothers stomach when she "has to" (where's the choice in that?) leave her baby. Feminists should do something to fight for women to have more time off with their babies before having to go back to work. All I hear from them is that women have a choice and sadly in this society there is more status and rewards by going to work- you feel appreciated. I did when I went back to work...and sadly (you can ask many moms) feel like they don't have a choice. The rewards of going to work are for more tangible than staying home. It's very tempting. I can say I support whatever, but it does no good if I'm not doing anything about it- I see most feminists having political agendas and nothing productive.

    • lavenderholly profile image

      Victoria Raquel 

      8 years ago from Tejas

      Why is it more of the mother's responsibility than the father's? Is there any scientific premise of this argument?

      Also, I find it a little bit hypocritical that you attack society's image throughout this article (society's image on this topic, I should clarify), yet was the father ever going to give up his job?

      You do realize that most modern feminists support the idea that women should have a job outside of the home or be a stay-at-home mother if they like, right? Feminists advocate that the choice of a woman in regards to her own life supersedes all, and so if she decides to become a stay-at-home mother, then she should go ahead and do so.

    • profile image


      8 years ago from Rhode Island

      Kindred spirit here! Your hub is the first piece of writing I have found on this subject. I often think about how strong my natural inclination to leave the workplace and stay home to take care of my daughter took over. We sold our house and downsized, I got rid of my two BMW's, and we tightened up our budget. You are right, where there is a will there is a way. I sometimes wondered if I was emotionally flawed because it seems so easy for the other moms I know to work. It is really refreshing to see I am not alone, that other women are seeing the "flaw" in the feminist movement. I'm grateful we have a choice. I am grateful for the movement that happened. I am sad that the feminist movement decided that equality to men needed to become the goal. Never was it ever more apparent to me that this is a myth than when I became pregnant with our first child. So we're different. Embrace that, right? We've proven we can do it all just as well, if not better, whatever that means. I feel bad for the generations of children who were raised by feminists. I was lucky that my grandmother chose to stay home and raise her babies, and that in the seventies, my mother chose the same thing. When my parents divorced, my mother had to work. Now I am choosing to stay home and be a mother. I have a fantastic resume collecting dust. As much as I would like to exercise those skills, I look at my daughter and I know that I wouldn't trade our time together for anything in the world. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. Thank you for writing about this incredibly important topic.

    • Mrs Hozey profile image

      Mrs Hozey 

      8 years ago

      Great article. You raised some really good points. I've often wondered why people have kids just to leave them in daycare forty hours a week when they are financially able to stay at home and raise the children themselves.

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      shyonegb~ yes, there's just no time to work full time and raise your children without tech gadgets. It's become the norm to use them. I am actually working on a hub about narcissism and our society. Thanks for stopping by.

      Sam, I've seen kids cry when separated from their tech gadget, like they're being ripped from the arms of their mom. In essence it is raising them so they have probably bonded with it in an unhealthy way.

      Ms Dora, Yes, I agree that society has paved the way for our ability to have those rights, but they seem to no longer be choices. Or at least moms don't believe they have a choice. I can't imagine getting my esteem from appeasing society and not from doing a job, like staying at home with kids, that is viewed as worthless in our society today. Thanks for your support.

      XXdude~ I still feel less than without my career- it took a lot of reflection to come to a point where I know my value within the family. I think it has created more value in my husband and my roles because it's like a well-oiled machine now and each of us plays an important role.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      This reminds me of a comment you left in Au Fait's article about marriage. Here is her response to it I am posting it hear because I feel it has some relevance here.

      izettle, thank you for taking time to share your thoughts.

      I differ on your viewpoint regarding women who choose to bear and rear children without marriage or a husband. I do not think they are being selfish. As you yourself pointed out, half of first marriages end in divorce, so the likelihood that a child born of any particular relationship would grow up with both of his/her biological parents in the home until they go off to college is unlikely, and often that child has someone else's father (or mother) there instead (Mom or Dad's 2nd or 3rd spouse).

      Marriage is often not what people expect it to be and no matter how much one person may want to make it work and do their best to work hard to accomplish that end, one person cannot make a successful marriage. It takes all of the effort of 2 people. Since both people are unlikely to put the same effort into the marriage, it is sometimes easier to go it alone.

      What exactly is "it all?" I've often wondered about that. Wouldn't "It all" be defined by each individual? After all, we don't all want the same things. So maybe some people can have it all -- it just depends on what that encompasses.

      Thanks again for stopping by! :)

    • Levertis Steele profile image

      Levertis Steele 

      8 years ago from Southern Clime

      "Within her [Gabrielle Reese] book, she claims that it's best and natural for a woman to serve her family."

      I agree.

      What a great hub!

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 

      8 years ago from The Caribbean

      I applaud you for this article. "You simply can't nurture a career while nurturing your child." Then is it also true that "You simply can't nurture a child while nurturing your career?" Society shouldn't choose our priorities; that is our right and responsibility. Voted Up!

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      We are basically living in a time where we let machines raise children think about it television, video games, ipads, iphones these things can provide children with entertainment but can they provide children with love or closeness or affection NO they are just machines and machines cant love or feel parents are suppose to do that a machine is just a tool and nothing more.

    • shyonegb profile image


      8 years ago from Australia

      Loved it. I'm a stay at home mum and my kids want me at home to be there for them. I rather stay at home to raise my children since I decided to have them, and raise them to be well mannered and respectful young gentlemen. I know full time working mums have no time for their children, so buying ipods, ipads etc to keep them out of site is feeding a generation of self absorbed narcissists. Great Hub.

    • izettl profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago from The Great Northwest

      Thanks for your support April Holland. At least I started with one good comment!

      Thanks Jeanine. Yes, I believe kids know and feel deeply when just infants. I love that heaven quote too.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Love it izetti... Such an interesting read... I like the part where she cried and said she didn't like being away from you at three months... Babies know... "Small babies remember heaven... " Walt Whitman

    • profile image

      april holland 

      8 years ago

      Love it!!!!!!!!!! I am also an author and stay home with my 3 children (9,6,4 months) It is not easy but there is no way in Hades I would trade a paycheck for my kids and let strangers raise them....awesome article. Voted you up...


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