Unforgettable Heartbreaking letter to my Incredible Daughter.
Beautiful smart loving daughter.
When you were small the only thing you ever wanted was mom's attention. You would take clothing out of my hands when I was folding them just to perform your ballet steps for my eyes only. It was our little secret.
When you got just a little older your little brother was born and you made the greatest sister. You helped me dry my tears from stress of feeling like I would never live up to what you two needed. You would jump in my arms hold me tight and tell me everything would always be wonderful.
When you were five, our lives turned upside down. See your mom was a teen mother. Working any job possible to keep a roof over our head. I got my high school diploma before you were even crawling. Going to work while you slept was the hardest.
I worked my body to the bone 12 hours a night 5 sometimes 6 days a week. It didn't matter that I was dog tired when I got home. I always woke you and your brother up so that I had 6 hours to spend with you before I had to get sleep before work that night.
It didn't matter to you and your brother that with lived with grandma and pawpaw. You two never went without the attention you needed and the love. When we did move out I had to change jobs.
The money was there but with grandma's health getting worse it wasn't possible for us to stay there, or for her to watch you guys while I went to work. I tried hard to never let you guys know that I felt like a failure.
I felt like I let you down by not staying with your dad. I remember the day that life fell apart. You were just 5. Enjoying school. You came home upset off the bus and terrified.
"Mom they told me we were going camping without you. Mom what is going on. I don't want to go without you. I love you mom." Was all you kept saying that whole night. You and your brother slept in my bed that night. You both screamed and cried yourself to sleep.
The next morning our family fell apart. You were in school when the court ruled your mother unfit in an emergency hearing. They said I had put you in danger by letting you stay with my mother. That because of this you had been molested and that I was not capable of keeping you safe.
My heart broke into millions of pieces that day. I tired to tell them that I had done my best as a single mom with two fathers always causing trouble. I worked as hard as I could to keep shelter over us as well as food and love. I tried to speak out but without a lawyer I was seen to be unfit.
Six months of court cases down the road. Depression and one suicidal attempt down the road in October they day you and I had promised that mom would find a daddy for you. I got married and you were not there to see it. The courts said I was unfit because I made a rash decision to married the man that you and your brother approved of as your teddy bear.
What they didn't know is that we as a family made that choice many months before. When you and your brother met him. You two choice him as your "new daddy" as you both put it. He was the first boy friend you two had ever met and he hit it off with the both of you. I just wish the judge could have seen how happy you two were with us.
That day the judge decided that you and your brother would not be living with us was the worst and most painful day of my life. I slept for 5 days after that. Getting up only to use the bathroom or a small bit to eat. I scared your teddy bear to death because he though I was doing to die when I lost so much weight.
Things did get better many years down the road. I had to pick myself up and start all over. I did the only thing I could do and listen to your guardians and the court and stay out of your life.
You two grew up without me because I was asked to stay away. I didn't have the strength to fight any more. I fought as long as I could and was broken in the process. You and your brother got the worst of is. You lost your mom and was told that I abandoned you.
In the 8 years that pasted, I never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped stealing peaks into your life through Facebook or other means. I never stopped writing letters that I would one day give you. I never gave up hope that when you were old enough you would come looking for me wanting answers.
You did to. And I even got to see how much you turned out just like me. Book worm at heart and just as loving as ever. I couldn't be prouder of you. You lost your mom at 5 and then your dad just a few years after that. You could have been bitter and angry. Instead you made the best of it.
You are 16 now and on your way to becoming a wonderful young woman. One day we will all be together again. You can read stories to your little sister and youngest brother. One day your teen brother may be with us as well. I hope that one day we can all be as close as we were the day you met your teddy bear. When everything was all smiles, soccer and planning a wedding.
Just know I love you and I am overwhelmingly proud of you.
Loving mother still working on being better.
Gotta have a little fun!
This is just the first letter that I ever wrote. To come will be many more because there are many mothers out that they have gone through this and they need to know they are not along. Just like I had to know and was lucky enough to marry a man who could lift me through all my pain.