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Elderly Parents Love and Patience

Updated on September 17, 2011

Your Elderly Parents & You

Parents put out an amazing amount love and or work for their children to try to

ensure they do grow up to be healthy above, all well-balanced individuals. As an

adolescent makes the transition into adulthood, that person realizes (or they should)

the extent of what their parents have worked for, as well as it is possible to give back

when their parents reach the age of transition to senior-hood. You want them to have

peace of mind even though they’re sometimes seem confused and not sure of things

around them. Don't take thing personally.

Usually in families of more than one sibling, their is usually one that takes on the

responsibility of actually taking care of the parent or parents and one or more

looking solely at the bank account, and on the siblings back all the time about

everything but taking care of  the mom or dad needing the assistance. In this day

and time it is more than smart to do what a person or family can to help with the

senior than throw six or seven thousand dollars down the drain just to get the same

treatment a senior can get without a dime. It's just not right to rape a senior of their

estate because they worked all of their life to put some money in the bank for a rainy

day and they can't enjoy it. It's cheaper to live in a Holiday Inn with a weekly maid

service than to go to an assisted living facility.

As a family there are certain things that can be done to improve the quality of life for

the senior or seniors. There are many practices you should avoid in order to become

more useful for your family by bringing all the members of the family closer.

As parents with children growing up there are many responsibilities that you are

expected to do and as a son or daughter with parents of old age that are still alive

again there are many different situations you have to adjust to as to make life livable

for them and yourself. Some people just can't find it in there ability to make these

changes. It gets rough sometimes and it's hard not to take everything personally.

In different parts of the world there are different trends and norms to follow. Some

areas of  the world the children end up living with the parents till their , lets say up to

38 or 40 before they move out on their on and even then they have a rough time of it

unless they find a wealthy widow or something of the sort to take care of them as

 their parents did. Usually in this situation the siblings were as a rule also used to

having their grandparents there also. On the other had as here in this States the

children, when they graduate from high school are ready to move out and get from

under their parents rule. The problem is, even now when it is harder to find work,

they need money and their so called President is only making things worse for all.

So they sometimes come back to the nest. If they make it they are not used to

having their parents around all the time.

When your parents grow old, you have a responsibility to give back all the love and

care that they dished out you, changing your diapers, feeding you, trying to build you

into a strong individual so you could make it on your own, without further

assistance, but when in time of need who did you turn to? Your parents, over and

over again. Some people never do, but as a rule, thay are always there for you unless

you burnt your bridges long ago. maybe you even have a friend that will help out

from time to time. In one case I spoke with a family that has a Cosmetologist  that

will keep their mom from time to time at the shop for an hour or so to give them a

break.  Even though it’s a short period of time it gives you a much needed break. Be

creative in asking for help. Later we will talk Hospice.
When your parents reach old age, it is your responsibility to do what you can for

them. Slamming them in a nursing home just because you can is not the solution.

Is that where you would want to be? Get up, take your medicine, and sit around a

table with a bunch of deadbeats (pardon the expression but I hear the old men go

through the women like exlax goes through them ) that are so lonely because their

kids never come to see them at all and about to lose your mind because some

 attendant is on their ass 24-7. You have to learn to respect the old age of your

parents. Unless you don't make for some, God forbid, reason, you will be in the

same boat one day and I;m sure you don't want to become Jack Nicolson as in

"One Flew Over the CooCoo's Nest".

Patient's is a virtue especially with older parents. It can get rough when they aren't

exactly themselves, but you juat can't take everything personally. Some things, they

just can't but saying but don't mean them. Lighten up my friends. I'm certainly sure

there were times when you were young that they would have beaten you to an inch

of your life if they could have but did not raise a finger in anger. They spent much

time doing their best to show you what they considered the ride road to take as so

you could reach your finally destiny in the best way possible. Give it back to your

parents, grandparents, or whoever raised you. Don't take thing personally. They

don't mean it. You can do it. Keep them in their home and save money too! Move

in with them if you can.



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    • K. Burns Darling profile image

      Kristen Burns-Darling 

      9 years ago from Orange County, California

      At the age of 43, my father became a single parent of two pre-adolescent daughter (ages 11 & 9) when we lost my mother to ovarian cancer. He was young enough to have had another life, to have married again, maybe even had more children; My maternal grandparents,(my mother was their only child) offered to raise us, he turned them down. He gave up all aspects of a social life, he changed careers (he was a firefighter, but that meant leaving us alone too much), he dug in, and he raised his girls. He could have bolted, many lesser men would and many lesser men have, but he didn't, and even if I didn't know it at that moment he became my hero. He was a hands on father, in our lives, in our faces, and in our business. (a trait I didn't particularly appreciate at the time, but came to understand and to be grateful for as an adult)He worked day and night to be both mother and father to us, and it wasn't easy, and he wasn't always right, but he was there. In 2006 he became a fall risk, and they tried to force him to leave his home and move into an assisted living facility. He didn't want to, and he wouldn't come to us, so I quit my job, and dragged my family back home to take care of him. In 2008 he was diagnosed with Alzheimer's related dementia, and I became his primary caregiver. I didn't do it for money, in fact, with three children of our own, the loss of my income hurt my family financially; I didn't do it for the inheritance; my father had long ago decided and put into writing the split of everything between my sister and I, and I would have inherited the same whether I had been here to take care of him or not. As the Alzheimer's disease progressed, and my father and I began to reverse roles, I learned to be more patient than I ever thought possible, when my formerly patient, loving, and thoughtful father turned mean, or angry, or childish, I soothed his ruffled feathers the same way that I did with my children when they acted in the same manner. If it got to be too much, I excused myself and cried in the shower or in the garage where he wouldn't hear me, and then I dried my tears and put a smile back on my face and I went back to caring for my dad. When he was hospitalized, I was there, three times a day, every day, until he came home. When he went on hospice, I refused to leave his side, and among other things, missed my son's last baseball season in it's entirety. I did all of this out of love for my father, out of respect for my father, and out of gratefulness to my father, who had given up everything to raise me. In all of this, you may have noticed that my sister, his other daughter, who also reaped the benefits of his sacrifice is not mentioned. She is not mentioned because she was not there. She was living with him just prior to my moving my family back home, she was single with no other responsibilities, but neglected to take care of him. She lived ten minutes from him for most of the last five years of his life, she showed up if and when the mood struck her, usually about the time her rent was do, at which time she would wheedle him into paying part or all of her rent, she never once said, "Let me stay with Dad for a couple of hours so that you can go to your son's ball game," but she never blinked twice at leaving her infant son with me for days and nights on end so that I was now caring for my father, my toddler, my two teenagers, and her infant son. She has accused me of everything from stealing my dad's money, to keeping her out of my father's life, to forging his will. We lost my father on 20 August 2011, in the last three weeks of his life, she saw him for a total of 7 minutes, though she came to the house five or six times to pick up and drop off her son. She showed up for his funeral three-quarters of an hour late, disrupted his service with a show of histrionics, and talked on her cell phone through the presentation of the flag and the reading of the 23rd Psalm. She has now hired a lawyer because she is afraid that I am cheating her out of money that doesn't exist...Thank you for saying some of the things that I have been dying to say but which out of respect for my father, or because we were in a place where it would have been inappropriate, I haven't. You are right, our parents, and our grandparents, deserve better than that.


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